


Patchwork & Petitions

by this_is_kelly



Category: Toy Story (Movies)
Genre: Complete, Drug Use, Family, Gay family, Hospital, M/M, Medical Professionals, Novel Length, Raising kids, nurse andy, untraditional family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:00:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 83,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29108949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/this_is_kelly/pseuds/this_is_kelly
Summary: When Sid walks into his ER with a child, Andy is surprised to see him.  He remembers him from when they were neighbors, but he's not the same bad boy he used to be.  He's grown, mature, a man.  But when Andy learns that the boy Sid is raising isn't even his, Andy starts to fall in love with him, and they create a new kind of family together, piece by piece.
Relationships: Andy Davis & Sid Phillips, Andy Davis/Sid Phillips
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This story touches upon child abuse and drug addiction, although not in graphic detail.

**Patchwork & Petitions**

*** * ***

**PART 1**

* * *

**Friday Afternoon**

Andy’s mom hugs Sid goodbye and whispers, “Don’t worry,” in his ear before letting him go. Sid swallows and nods and mumbles something that might have sounded like _see ya_ , although he’s pretty sure the sounds he just made didn’t resemble actual words. Andy loops his arm through Sid’s as they walk back to the car. He always holds Sid this way. He knows Sid doesn’t like holding hands, but whenever Andy is near, he offers his arm, like a beacon. 

Sid slides into the driver’s seat of Andy’s new Toyota SUV and presses the push-start. He doesn’t put the car in reverse, but also doesn’t know why he’s waiting. Andy leans over the center console and kisses his cheek.

“It’ll be okay,” he says. His voice is soft, careful, and right next to his ear. 

Sid nods. “Sure. Yeah. I know.”

“You can’t be in a bad mood when we go to the wedding.”

“It’s a weird weekend for a wedding.”

Andy shrugs. “It’s June. Popular time for weddings. You like weddings.”

“Hey, now, I do not _like_ weddings. I like open bars.”

“You don’t drink.”

“Right, but _you_ do. And when you get drunk, you get all loose and dance.”

Andy smirks. “Okay. But you danced at the last wedding we were at, too, you know.”

“It was _Molly’s_ wedding and your mom insisted.”

“Circumstances don’t matter, you still danced. Are you ever going to back out of the driveway or should I cancel our RSVP?”

Sid rolls his eyes and puts the car into reverse and watches the rear-view camera as he backs out into the street. It’s daylight still, mid-afternoon, and they have a four-hour drive ahead. They’ve been to a lot of weddings together – the hospital where Andy works always seems to have an endless supply of single nurses and doctors who match up and have giant receptions with lots of flowing alcohol. Sid normally tries to get out of going to that sort of thing, but Andy enjoys people and Sid enjoys Andy. This wedding isn’t any different, another nurse marrying another doctor, except she’s Andy’s best friend: Piper Flynn. 

The thing about Piper is that she was a fixture in Andy’s life before Sid was. To have Andy is to also have Piper. Uncompromising best friends was a new concept when he first started up with Andy. He’d had other relationships, but none where he had to share the attention. Then again, almost everything with Andy has been uncharted territory and Sid has had to learn to read the map. 

This, however, is the first wedding they’ve gone to that hasn’t been close to home. It’s the first time they’ve gone out of town in the six years they’ve been together. The first time they’ll sleep in a bed that doesn’t belong to one of them. Sid doesn’t think he’ll like bedsheets that don’t already smell like Andy. 

Andy takes his phone out of his shirt pocket and finds the playlist he made especially for this trip. He connects the Bluetooth and turns up the music. He leans on the console, his shoulder resting against Sid’s arm.

“I know you’re worried,” Andy says after they’ve left the suburbs and found the highway. He keys the hotel address into the car’s GPS. 

Sid snorts in response.

“Don’t let it ruin your time. You shouldn’t feel guilty for being excited to get away for the weekend.”

“It’s a bad weekend to get away.”

Andy sighs. “It’s really not. We can sleep in tomorrow, no one will wake us up early. I’ve already turned off my alarm.” Andy gasps, mockingly. “Oh my god, I just realized! We could have morning sex. I don’t think we’ve ever done that. No kids to interrupt us!”

Sid glances at him. “You’re a wild one, you know that?”

“I like to keep things interesting.”

Sid puts his elbow on the console, offering his arm for Andy to link. 

* * *

**October: Six Years Ago**

“You look fine,” Piper says.

Andy smooths his hair back behind his ears. “This shirt is too small.”

“It’s _fine_. And beggars can’t be choosers, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah, thanks for the shirt.”

“Stop letting kids puke on you and you won’t need back-up scrubs.”

“See you out there.” Andy leaves the locker room and goes back to the nurses’ station. He’s immediately handed a file and told to go to room C. He flips through the pages as he knocks on the door and opens it. “Hello, there,” he says, his eyes trying to find the name on the chart; someone put everything in out of order. “My name’s Andy. Who do we have here?”

He finally looks up. No one is sitting on the hospital bed, but in one of the chairs sits Sid Phillips. Andy remembers him from twenty years ago when they were next door neighbors. They ended up at the same high school, too, even after Andy moved three subdivisions over when he was in third grade. Sid looks almost the same. His hair is thick and wavy, but cropped shorter than the last time Andy saw him. He has two full sleeves of tattoos – this is new. Even sitting down, it’s clear that he’s tall, certainly taller than Andy – which, admittedly, isn’t hard – and there’s muscle hidden under his slender frame. 

The kid in his lap resembles him. They have the same nose, but the kid is much fairer and very skinny. He has a blue cast on his arm and he’s breathing really heavily.

Andy sits on the wheeled stool and pushes across the floor. Before he can say anything else, he shoves his stethoscope into his ears and says, “This will be cold, but hang on tight for me.” He listens, hears rattling, muffled wheezing, and pulls the scope back out of his ears.

“What’s his name?”

“Kai,” says Sid.

“Can you sit on the bed for me, Kai?”

The kid shakes his head.

“I’ll get the doctor in here, but sounds like he needs a breathing treatment. Has he been diagnosed with asthma before?”

Sid shrugs. “I don’t know. I think so. He used to have a blue inhaler.”

“Was it for emergencies or maintenance?”

Sid’s eyes widen slightly. “I have no idea.” 

“Do you know the last time he took it?”

“No.”

“Is he on any medications or up to date on his vaccinations?”

Sid shrugs uselessly.

Andy looks at the chart again. There is a previous note of asthma, but nothing about medications. “So it’s Kairo?” Andy says slowly. _Kare-oh_.

“It’s _Cairo_. Like the City, not the syrup, but with a K. But, seriously, don’t call him that. Call him Kai.”

“Date of birth?”

“October 20. He turned three last week.”

“What’re you going to be for Halloween, Kai?”

Kai looks at Andy with these huge brown eyes that were almost too big for his face.

“I’m going to dress like a pirate. Think I’ll make a good one?”

Kai shakes his head.

“You’re probably right. I’m too nice to be a real pirate. Can you get up on this bed for me?”

Kai shakes his head again and Andy isn’t ready to try to force it right now.

“Maybe your dad can help get you on this bed before I get back.” Andy quickly leaves the room and finds Dr. Jordan who sees the kid and authorizes a breathing treatment and some fluids – the kid also seems dehydrated; his mouth is a little tacky.

“Talk to Dad about why his kid isn’t drinking enough water,” he tells Andy flatly in the hallway.

“Oh boy,” Andy mumbles, “just what I want to do with my afternoon.”

When he goes back into the room with the nebulizer, he’s finally able to really take Kai in. He looks scared and he clings to Sid like he’s afraid he’s going to be taken away.

“Hey, Kai, can you come sit on this bed for me?” It’s the third time he’s asked, and he wishes he knew why the kid looks so scared. Maybe it’s the hospital, but kids usually warm up quickly to him, but this kid isn’t.

Kai shakes his head.

“What if your dad sits with you?”

“It’s okay,” Sid says. He scoops Kai up and puts him on the bed. Kai doesn’t want to let go of Sid’s neck, but Sid carefully untangles his arms and keeps his hands held tight. “I’m right here,” he says as Andy places the mask over Kai’s mouth, tucking the elastic around his ears, and turning the machine on. 

“I’m going to get an IV started, too. The doctor wants him to have some fluids.”

“For what?”

“He’s a little dehydrated.”

“How can you tell?”

“Dry skin. His mouth and lips look sticky.” Andy sanitizes his hands and then pulls a pair of gloves out of the box on the wall. “Does he drink a lot of juice or soda?”

“I – I don’t know.”

“Okay, can you tell me what you _do_ know about your kid, then? It’s hard to treat if you don’t know his medications or even what he drinks.”

“Can you do the IV, please?”

Andy sighs. “This won’t hurt at all,” he tells Kai. “I’m magic when it comes to IVs, okay?” He takes Kai’s arm. “Just look at your dad.” He rubs the alcohol pad against Kai’s skin, opens up the new needle, quickly sticks it in, and starts the line. Kai doesn’t even flinch. Andy hangs the bag, gets the drip started. He tapes everything up nicely so Kai can’t pull anything out.

He’s barely finished when Sid says, “Can I see you outside a moment outside?” He looks at Kai. “Don’t move from the bed, okay? I’ll be right back.”

Andy takes off his gloves and tosses them into the trash can. He follows Sid out into the hallway. He crosses his arms, ready to hear whatever bullshit this guy spews at him. He was a punk in high school, smoking cigarettes under the football bleachers and in the bathrooms, skipping class and making out with girls in the hallways. They didn’t travel in the same social circles, and rumor had it that Sid often didn’t bother to show up to school for days at a time. He wonders if Sid graduated or simply dropped out. He wouldn’t be surprised if it was the latter. 

“Hey, asshole,” Sid snaps, “stop treating me like a deadbeat dad. That’s not even my kid. He’s my nephew and my sister said he’s been breathing like that all day, but she’s the one who doesn’t really care so I brought him in. Believe me, I have things I’d rather be doing on my Saturday afternoon than spending it in a children’s hospital, but here we are. I’m here because I need to be, because no one else cares about him. So no, I don’t know what medication he takes or when his last dose was. But if you stopped being a judgmental asshat for ten seconds you could learn that.”

Andy is speechless.

“The words are _I’m sorry_ ,” Sid supplies.

“Oh, yeah. No, of course. I’m sorry.”

“Tattoos don’t make me a bad person.”

“What?”

“I saw you eyeing them in there. Tattoos, earrings? Doesn’t make me a shitty person. When I have that kid, I take good care of him. I just don’t know all his medical needs.”

“I actually wasn’t thinking that,” says Andy. “I was thinking how much you’ve changed since high school.”

“What do you mean?”

“We went to the same high school. Are you – are you serious right now? You don’t remember me?”

Sid’s eyes dart to Andy’s nametag. _Andrew Davis, RN._

“Oh my god, this is so embarrassing. I can’t believe you don’t remember me.”

Sid keeps his eyes on the nametag as though working it out in his head. “Yeah – you lived next door to me when I was in elementary school.”

“There it is,” says Andy. He feels his face heat. “Anyway, look. This is a children’s hospital. We see terrible parenting from all across the city. I’m honestly used to deadbeat dads who bring their kids in on their weekends and have no idea how to handle them. I assumed the worst.”

“Yeah. I’m going back in there. I’m sure he’s scared.”

“I’ll come back in a bit and check on him.”

Sid nods and goes back into the room.

The rest of the afternoon is routine, lots of patients, lots of IVs, lots of crying children and snot. A few cases of croup, a couple flus. One unexplained seizure and one broken foot from falling out of a tree. In between other patients, Andy keeps his eye on Kai and Sid. When he checks on them the first time, Sid has climbed into the hospital bed and Kai is curled in his lap, sleeping. Sid has the TV in the room on, but his focus doesn’t really seem to be on it. Dr. Jordan checks in twice, and when he’s happy with the progress, signs off on the discharge with a prescription. 

“It’s for a rescue inhaler in case he gets wheezy again. You can tell when he’s wheezing because it’ll almost sound like a whistling.”

“Okay,” says Sid, eyeing the paper with the prescription and directions on it.

“This is a list of asthma and allergy pediatricians in the city. He really needs a follow-up because if he was diagnosed with asthma, he’ll need continuous care.”

Sid nods.

“If your sister isn’t going to take him, then maybe you can.” Andy points to a name on the list. “My sister saw Dr. Hassan when she was little. He’s really nice. He has Saturday hours once a month, too.”

“Thanks.”

“You’ll need to teach him how to use the inhaler if your sister won’t help him.”

“She’s not a monster,” Sid says. “She’s just. Uninterested.”

“Neglectful?”

Sid sighs and rubs his eyes. “I don’t know. Thanks, I’m sure Kai wants to go home.”

“Can we go to your house?” Kai asks.

“Sure. I’ll call your mom and let her know.” Sid puts Kai’s shoes back on, picks him up off the bed and puts him down on the floor. Kai immediately grabs hold of Sid’s hand and they leave the room.

Andy doesn’t stop watching them until they’re around the corner and out of sight. When he turns, he almost bumps into Piper. She has her hands on her hips and her eyebrows raised.

“What?”

“I heard him,” she answers. “It’s not like you to be a judgmental asshole.”

“Those were _his_ words.”

“So? Were they unwarranted?”

“Er,” says Andy, “not necessarily. I might have implied he was a shitty dad when he’s actually, uh, not the kid’s dad at all. Just an uncle trying to help out.”

“I see.”

“I feel a little bad,” Andy admits.

“You should. He was really hot, too.”

“Stop it,” Andy says. “He was not.” 

Piper raises her eyebrows again.

“Fine, he was, but guys like that – they don’t go for guys like me.”

Piper frowns. “I don’t like when you talk like that. You’re adorable.”

“Adorable isn’t hot – and besides, he’s probably straight.”

Piper throws her arm around Andy’s shoulder. “Two hours left on shift. What’s the bet for drinks and do we include the newbies?” She points her thumb at two brand-new nurses a few feet down the hall, conversing over a chart.

“Yes to the newbies and winner is the most interesting thing found inside a kid – x-rays of stomachs and pulled out of noses.”

“Gross. And it’s usually Legos, you know.”

“Yeah, but maybe the kids will surprise us today.”

They shake hands and Piper says, “Bet.”

Andy wins when he pulls out a tiny Polly Pocket out of a seven-year-old boy’s nose. He claims he was hiding it from his sister. The nurses all buy him a round of drinks when they go out after shift – winners of ER bets never have to pay their tab.

* * *

**Friday Night**

Andy has to unlock the door to their hotel room because Sid has insisted on carrying both their bags. Sid follows him into the room. It’s large and very modern, everything is minimalistic, sharp, and clean. There’s a balcony and a large television mounted above the dresser. 

“Why’re there two beds?” Sid asks. “Did the front desk clerk think we were brothers or something?”

“It’s fine,” says Andy. “They’re small so you’ll be forced to cuddle with me.”

Sid drops all their bags on the bed closest to the door and goes to the window to look outside. “You’re really into making this into a couple’s weekend, aren’t you?”

Andy crosses the room and wraps his arms around Sid’s neck. He looks up as though searching Sid’s eyes for something. “Yes. I want to take advantage of it. I’m excited to be here with you. We’ve never gone away before. That’s usually the big test people take when they’re dating – the weekend away. You know, see how you do together on a trip.”

“Right,” says Sid. He twists his fingers through Andy’s beltloops as though holding him in place. 

Andy deflates. “Please try to have a good time.”

“Okay.” 

“We should order room service. We can order a movie and—”

“No,” says Sid. “Let’s go out.”

Andy grins. “Yeah?”

“Sure. Wherever you want. And I promise I’ll have a good time.”

“Piper told me there was a gay bar up here. Might be fun to check out. That’s something we’ve never done either.”

“You going to get drunk and dance?” Sid asks. “You get really easy when you’re drunk.”

“Oh yeah. I can guarantee you’ll get lucky tonight.”

“Okay fine.”

Andy’s grin widens. He looks so young sometimes, the way his eyes crinkle at the sides when he smiles. The thing about Andy’s mouth is that it gives everything about him away. When he’s happy, his smile is wide and genuine, his jaw slack and his whole body at ease. When he’s angry, his lips are tight, pressed together in a thin line, everything tense, all edges and corners. But it’s the sadness that Sid can never bear to look at it, when Andy chews on his bottom lip, the corners of his mouth dipping down, his eyes shut so tightly they might never open again. There’s only been a few times Sid’s had to witness this, and each time breaks his heart. He only ever wants to see the happy curl of Andy’s mouth and never anything else.

He lets go of Sid, but Sid keeps hold of his hips. “I’m glad to be here with you,” he says. “I don’t want you to think I’m not.”

“You can call my mom after dinner. I know it’ll make you feel better.”

Sid shakes his head. “No. I’ll do it tomorrow. Let her have her night with the kids.”

“At least text her later. It’ll put your mind at ease. You’re kind of sweet when you’re worried. Remember the snow storm? Or New York?”

Sid is surprised at the question. “I’m always a disaster when you’re gone. It’s never really a proud moment for me.”

“Why? Because you’re too big and strong to miss me, but you do anyway?”

“Something like that. I sleep better when everyone is home.”

“Including me?” Andy whispers.

“Especially you.”

“It’s okay to miss the kids, you know. But we’ll see them day after tomorrow.”

“I know that.”

Andy leans up and kisses him, quick and chaste. “Let me change my shirt and we’ll go.”

Sid lets go and steps back. Andy pulls his shirt over his head and goes into his bag to look for a clean one. Sometimes when he looks at Andy, Sid feels like a stranger in his own life. Watching this guy, sweet and good, change clothes, comb through his hair with his fingers, look at himself in the mirror – he’s doing it for Sid. He wants to look good for him, not for himself. He’s always said he wants Sid to be proud to stand next to him, to be proud to show him off. It’s all for Sid, which feels immense and sometimes unbelievable. As though Sid can never truly understand his own luck.

“So,” says Andy, “restaurant and then bar?”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

“Great, I’m starving. You’re paying.”

“I’m too poor to pay. It’s your turn.”

Andy shrugs. “We’ll see.” His expression is playful and this is their game, pretending as though they haven’t shared the same bank account for the last few years. He loops his arm through Sid’s as they leave their hotel room.

* * *

**December: Six Years Ago**

Andy doesn’t really think about Sid too much again. He hopes he took his advice and brought his nephew to the doctor. Sometimes he thinks about how he assumed Sid was a terrible father and he cringes at how presumptuous it was. That’s usually not his style, except he’s seen so much tragedy in this hospital that he’s jaded. 

From the time he was a kid himself, Andy knew he wanted to do something with kids. Even in high school he knew. Whether it was going to be a teacher or pediatrician, he wasn’t sure, but he’s always liked kids. Nursing wasn’t on his radar until he entered college and met Piper, who soon became his best friend. They went through their first two years together and just as Andy was going to declare pre-med as his major, Piper said, “What about nursing? They are more one-on-one with patients than doctors anyway.” 

Sometimes Andy thinks he should go work at a private practice someplace where he’s less likely to see kids in so much pain. There are days where the hospital is too much to handle. He’s seen the beginnings of marriages dissolve as parents blame each other for their child’s death. He’s seen arrests when kids are brought in neglected or abused. He’s seen kids sitting in fear, brought in with high fevers, seven months into their chemo treatments that are clearly not working. 

He remembers the time he sat with a girl who was brought in with trouble breathing while her parents stood in the hallway with the doctor. No one wanted her to be alone in the room and there wasn’t a bed ready upstairs yet. The broken sob of her mother slipped under the closed door and the girl said, “So I guess that’s what my mom sounds like when she’s told I’m going to die.”

“That’s definitely not what the doctor said,” Andy replied, horrified. 

“That’s what ‘her cancer has spread’ means. He can tell from the x-rays.”

Kids are an unusual breed compared to adults. They accept death differently. They accept pain and sickness differently, but that’s also why Andy stays. Sometimes they’re stronger than him, but he’s there, stable and comfortable and calm. Which is also why he has absolutely no tolerance for parents who don’t treat their kids right. 

It’s two months after Kai’s asthma attack and Andy is an hour away from clocking out for a long four-day weekend when Piper finds him clicking through test results on the computer at the nurses’ station. 

“I think the mom in E is on something,” she says, “but you know I’m bad at that stuff.”

“Uh huh.”

“Just go in there and tell me if she’s high.”

“What’s the kid in for?” Andy asks.

“Broken arm. Apparently he broke it a few months ago, but he fell again so she needs it reexamined. I thought you could go in there and see.”

“What’s my excuse?”

“Bring him a popsicle.”

“It’s fourteen degrees outside.”

“Kids don’t care about that,” Piper scoffs. “His favorite flavor is grape. I already asked. Dr. Jordan ordered the x-ray. We’re waiting on an orderly to come transport him, so if you go now you can probably get there before he’s gone.”

Andy rolls his eyes, but gets up and goes into the small freezer and grabs a purple popsicle. He walks down the hallway to room E and carefully knocks on the door. He walks in without waiting for a response and freezes. He recognizes the kid laying in the bed immediately. 

“Kai,” he says. “What’s up, little man? I brought you a purple popsicle. I heard they were your favorite.”

Kai looks up at him, huge eyes looking glassy with tears. Andy hands him the popsicle and Kai whispers something he thinks is _thank you_. Andy turns to Kai’s mom. She’s asleep in the chair. Her bleached blonde hair is pulled back into a messy braid and her clothes are rumpled. He sees a lot of impoverished parents who come in with clothes barely at the seams, but this doesn’t look like a lack of money, this looks like a lack of caring. He touches her shoulder and gives her a small shake. She opens her eyes.

“It’s Hannah, right?”

“What the fuck? How do you know that?”

“We went to the same high school. I recognize you.”

She rubs her nose and sniffles. She rubs her tongue along her teeth and pulls her jacket more closely around her body. She pulls the sleeves down over her hands and holds them with her fingers.

“You should call your brother,” Andy says.

“Why?”

“So he can give you guys a ride home. No one’s going to let you leave with him if you’re wasted.”

“How dare you. You don’t fucking know me.”

Andy is neither impressed nor intimidated. “I can see it in your eyes – you don’t have any pupils – and your body movements. I used to work at the free clinic, you know. I saw people all the time who were drunk and high. I know what it looks like.”

“We’ll take the bus.”

“No one is going to let you do that either. You’re not sober.”

“Who fucking cares? The system doesn’t care if I got enough food on the table, but as soon as they think I might be smokin’ something, then you’re all up my ass.”

“Will you let me call him, then, if you’re not?”

“You?”

“If you won’t, I will.”

Hannah grumbles and pulls her phone out of her back pocket. Andy waits.

“Hey, man, we’re at Children’s … no, I dunno … his arm … this fucking nurse here says you need to come give me a ride … I dunno, man, but he says I can’t leave with Kairo unless you come … why would I be shittin’ you? Jesus, man … yeah, all right.” She ends the call and looks at Andy. “We good now?” She says it like a challenge.

“If Sid comes, then sure.” He looks at Kai. “We’re going to take you to get a picture of that arm in just a minute, okay? How’d you hurt it?”

“The doctor already fucking asked me!” Hannah snaps.

“And now I’m asking him,” Andy snaps back.

The orderly comes in at that moment with a wheelchair. Andy helps Kai off the bed and into the chair; he tells Hannah to stay there. He walks out with them and tells Kai he’ll see him in a minute.

“Don’t take him back to the room until Dr. Jordan has a chance to look at his arm, okay?” Andy has a suspicion the break may not be from falling down.

* * *

When Andy sees Sid he almost doesn’t recognize him. He’s cut his hair and is wearing a nice button-up shirt under his coat and dark jeans. He looks as though maybe he had been on a date, but he appears to be in the ER alone. He sees Andy and his expression immediately darkens. 

Andy pushes against the counter of the nurse’s station and meets Sid in the middle of the corridor. 

“I told her to call you,” Andy says.

“Why? What’s happening?”

“Kai broke his arm – I think. He’s not back from x-ray. But your sister is wasted. We can’t let her leave with him like that, but if you picked them up you can take them home.”

Sid takes in a deep breath. “Right,” he says. “Is she high?”

“Based on what I’m seeing? Yes, absolutely.”

“Cool. Great.”

Andy pulls on Sid’s sleeve to get him to move out of the way of an orderly pushing a bed down the hall towards the elevator. He lowers his voice, “I’m really sorry.”

“This isn’t the first time I’ve had to take care of Kai. Usually she just drops him off at my apartment while she disappears for a few days at a time.”

Andy doesn’t know what to say.

“Thanks for making her call me.” Sid’s expression softens. “I actually do appreciate it.”

“Yeah, no problem. You look like you were on a date though.”

Sid snorts. “It wasn’t a good date so you don’t have to feel bad about interrupting.”

“Most dates at three in the afternoon aren’t fantastic.”

“What’s wrong with three o’clock? I work at night so I schedule everything during the day. It’s habit.”

“Habit?” Andy repeats. “Like you have a rolodex of women for three o’clock dates?”

“Rolodex of people, sure, if you want to put it that way.”

Andy rolls his eyes. “Lovely.”

“Your metaphor, not mine.”

“God, you’re so different. Ten years has changed you.”

“Stop saying that. You’re exactly the same. I think that’s worse.”

“I thought you barely remembered who I was.”

Sid smirks. “I remembered as soon as I saw your nametag. You were being an asshole so I was an asshole right back.”

“Well. That’s fair.” Andy grimaces. “Sorry again.”

Sid shrugs. “You were such a little nerd in high school. Now you’re a nerd with a stethoscope.”

“I wasn’t a nerd – I was actually kind of popular back then.”

“Were you? We must have very different memories of high school.” 

Andy purses his lips together, but then relaxes; there’s a weird glint in Sid’s eye, a tell that he’s joking.

“That’s his doctor,” Andy says suddenly. “Come on.” 

Outside of room E, Dr. Jordan stands, talking to the hospital social worker. Andy knows her, they’ve had a few run-ins together when children are brought in with apparent abuse or neglect. Andy doesn’t have a good feeling about this, but since there isn’t a cop here, maybe it’s nothing. He isn’t particularly hopeful, though.

“Dr. Jordan? This is Sid, Kai’s uncle.”

Dr. Jordan assesses him and nods. “This is Felicia, our social worker.”

“Did my sister do something? I can take Kai if she did. That’s why I’m here.”

Felicia looks skeptical. “You watch Kai a lot?”

Sid nods. “Couple times a week, yeah.”

“One of the orderlies said she looked like she was intoxicated and his x-ray showed a broken arm, but I don’t see how simply tripping over shoelaces could have caused it.” Felicia looks as Sid as she says this, as though waiting for his reaction. When he’s quiet, she asks, “Do you think she’s on something right now?”

“Probably,” Sid confirms.

“Like what?”

“Opioids.”

“Like heroin?”

Sid nods, but shrugs. “Probably.”

“ _Probably_ ,” Felicia repeats. “You don’t sound very outraged at the idea.” When Sid doesn’t answer, she plows on. “Right. We’re about to go talk to her. You need to stay out here.”

“Hey, wait.” Sid sidesteps and blocks the door. “Be careful. If she’s high, she’s really erratic.” Sid’s concern looks genuine and Felicia softens – marginally. She’s normally a hard-ass, so she quickly stiffens back up.

“Nothing ever shocks me anymore, kid,” she says. 

“Are you taking Kai away from her?”

“We’re here to ask some questions.”

“Like what?”

“The break is inconclusive, but if she’s intoxicated, I can’t let her drive Kai home.”

“If you have to, please let me take him home. The only two places he’s ever slept are at her apartment or my place. I don’t want him scared.”

“Nothing’s happening right now,” Felicia says. “Please step aside.”

Sid’s frown is deep but he stays still as he watches the doctor and social worker go into the exam room. He whirls around and looks at Andy. “Can I at least see him?” His eyes are wide and have a slightly wild look about them.

Andy shakes his head. “I can’t let non-parents back in radiology, but my shift is over in” – he pulls his phone out of his pocket to check the time – “four minutes. I can go back there and check on him.”

“This is ridiculous.” Sid presses the heels of his palms against his eyes and groans. “She’s such a fuck-up.” He drops his hands back down to his sides. “Do you remember her? From back then?”

“Not really,” says Andy. “When we still lived next door, I was at that girls-are-super-gross age, and I don’t remember much from high school. I think she’s a year younger than me.”

“She didn’t start ruining her life until after I’d already left school. She was clean for two years, starting when she found out she was pregnant. She got clean. I dunno what happened, though. Right before Kai’s second birthday it all went to shit. That’s kind of our family motto, I guess.”

“You seem like you have your life together,” says Andy, “or is that just the fancy button-down you’re wearing?”

Sid raises his eyebrows and shrugs. “I live day by day.”

Andy doesn’t know what to say next, and part of him knows he should be clocking out and leaving Sid alone, but another part of him wants to find out what he’s been doing for the last decade or so since leaving high school. He doesn’t have to think of anything else to say, but a loud crash sounds from inside room E and Andy immediately pushes past Sid to rush inside.

He grabs Felicia and moves her out of the way as a metal tray is chucked across the room. It hits the wall with a loud _bang_. There’s a button next to do the door that alerts security and Andy slams his palm against it while blocking Felicia from Hannah’s view.

“Hey!” he shouts. “Stop it!”

“She thinks I smack my kid around!” Hannah snaps. “Who the fuck does she think she is?”

“Hannah,” Andy says calmly, holding his hands up so she can see he isn’t trying to hurt her, “they have to ask questions. They do it to all parents who bring their kids in with broken bones. It’s procedure. Can you try breathing for me and sit down?”

“No, I won’t fucking sit down.” She sniffs and rubs her nose with the side of her hand. She pulls her jacket down and rolls her shoulders. “You bring me my kid _now_.”

“They can’t do that, Hannah. Not until you stop yelling and throwing things.”

A hand lands on Andy’s shoulder and he glances to his side. One of the hospital security guards has walked in and is standing next to him. He assumes the police are on their way, too, but Hannah probably can’t tell the difference because she screams. It’s a primal sound, something Andy would expect to hear from a caveman, no words, only noise, a mixture of raw hatred and frustration. She charges the security guard with enough force to knock him backwards. He braces himself and doesn’t fall, but catches her instead. She lashes out, all fingernails and teeth, and someone grabs Andy’s arm and pulls him out of the room.

He whirls around and Sid has hold of him.

“Don’t be a hero,” he says.

Andy pulls away from his grasp. “I wasn’t trying to be,” he replies, but Sid isn’t paying him any attention. His eyes are still looking through the open door. Piper has run down the hallway to make sure Andy is okay. She hugs him and keeps her arm around his shoulder. Other parents have walked into the hall to see what all the commotion is about, but Sid ignores everyone and watches room E. The police come quickly and Hannah is hand-cuffed and led out of the hospital. As soon as she’s gone and everything is quiet, Sid goes to Felicia, where she’s giving a statement to an officer, and asks for his nephew.

“Please let me take him home.”

She asks the policeman to give her a moment. The officer nods and walks away. Sid and Felicia are still within Andy’s earshot and he knows he should walk away, but he can’t. 

“There are laws in this county,” she says. “Children cannot be released to anyone who isn’t on the list of foster parents. If you want your nephew, you can go to the hearing with the judge. Get a lawyer and fight for him. But tonight, he can’t go with you.”

“You’re going to make him go to some stranger’s house?”

“I don’t have a choice. Those are the laws.”

“He doesn’t have any of his things. He doesn’t have a change of clothes.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Can I stay with him until you have to take him wherever you’re taking him?” It sounds more like a plea than a question.

Felicia hesitates and then nods. “Sure.”

“He still needs his cast,” Andy says, loud enough for them to hear. “We can bring him back to E.” He looks at Sid. “Wait in there, and I’ll page radiology, see what’s happening.”

“No, I’ll go get him,” says Piper. “I’ll be right back.” She turns and races off down the corridor at a job.

“Go,” says Felicia, “you can wait while they fix him up. I need to see who’s available for emergency placement tonight.”

Andy steps forward and takes Sid’s elbow. He leads him back into E. Sid sits in one of the hard plastic chairs while Andy rights everything that had fallen over in the room.

“He sleeps with this stuffed dog,” Sid says, but his voice is soft as though he’s saying it to himself rather than aloud. “It’s probably in his room. He’s going to some stranger’s house and he’ll have nothing.”

“What’s the dog’s name?”

“Brownie. His favorite color is brown. He’s a weird kid.”

“Let me go see what the plan is, if he needs a cast again or not. If he does, I’ll get all the supplies for him. I don’t have brown to do a brown cast, though.”

“He’ll choose blue,” says Sid, “because it’s my favorite.”

Andy’s heart breaks a little. He swallows against a strange lump in his throat and excuses himself. He finds Dr. Jordan to see what the plan for Kai’s arm is. The doctor tells him to get everything together to cast it and he’ll meet him in E in twenty. Andy makes a second stop at the gift shop. He knows that all the kids are given stuffed animals when they have to leave with Felicia instead of their parents, something for comfort, but Andy wants Kai to have something special, not an anonymous stuffed animal given to him by a stranger he hasn’t met.

When he gets back to the room, Kai is back. He’s sitting in Sid’s lap and the expression on Sid’s face twists Andy’s heart, breaking it even more. It’s beyond sadness, it’s tragedy. Andy puts all the cast supplies on the metal tray and then sinks to his knees in front of Kai.

“Hey, kiddo,” he says softly. “I heard you have to get another cast on that arm of yours.”

Kai nods.

“You’ve had one before, so you know the drill, right? But I brought you something.” He holds out the stuffed wolf he just bought. “Wolves were my favorite animal growing up.”

Kai reaches out and takes the wolf with his uninjured hand. He looks at it.

“They’re loyal and strong. They’re protectors. So this guy is going to be super loyal to you and always protect you, okay?”

Kai nods again and holds the wolf under his chin. 

“When you pick out a name for him, you have to let me know what it is.”

“Okay,” says Kai, his little voice soft and wet and laced with fear.

Dr. Jordan puts on the cast and is gentle and kind. He helps Andy clean up and asks if he’ll stick around in case Sid needs support once Felicia comes back. Andy agrees and wonders why he ever chose this profession. He’s not sure he’s ready to watch Sid hand over his nephew to a stranger.

Felicia comes back and explains to Kai that he has to go stay at a very nice couple’s house tonight, but she hopes he can see Sid again soon. 

“I wanna stay with Sid,” Kai says.

“You have to come with me,” Felicia replies.

Kai shakes his head. “No, no, I don’t wanna go.” He jumps off the bed and runs to Sid and grabs hold of him. 

Sid tries to undo Kai’s grasp. “You have to go,” he says, his voice breaking. “I want to take you, but I can’t. I promise I’m going to see you as soon as I can.”

Felicia steps forward and tries to take Kai, but he begins to scream, “No, no, I want Sid, I want Sid,” over and over again.

Sid stands. “I’ll go,” he says. He bends down to look Kai right in the eye. “I love you, okay? I _promise_ I’ll see you as soon as I can. If they’d let me take you, I would, but I can’t.”

“No, no, no. Please.” Snot mixes with the tears on Kai’s face.

Sid looks wrecked. He manages to grab both of Kai’s hands and places them in Felicia’s. He walks to the door and says goodbye and quickly leaves. Andy follows and can hear Kai’s pleas as they walk down the hall. He sees Piper and asks if she’ll run and get his backpack and coat from the locker room for him. She turns and jogs down the hallway for the second time today. 

Sid stops at the end of the corridor in front of a set of double doors. Andy catches up with him and stands by his side.

“I don’t know where I’m going,” he says.

“You can come with me,” Andy replies. “We’ll go get a drink.”

“No, thanks.”

“Coffee, then. There’s a diner across the street.”

“No.”

Piper returns with Andy’s backpack. He thanks her, pulls his jacket on and slings his backpack over one shoulder. She nods once and doesn’t stick around, as though she knows what Andy is trying to do.

“You really want to go home in the state you’re in?” Andy asks. “Do you have a roommate?”

“No.”

“So you’re going to go home alone? And do what? Drive yourself crazy thinking about everything that happened?”

“That was my plan, yeah.”

“Mental health matters, you know.”

Sid eyes him, although perhaps a bit warily. 

“You can tell me everything that’s happened since high school. We have ten years’ worth of stuff to catch up on.”

“I’m not that interesting.”

“Then you can tell me all about your nephew. He seems like he actually might be that interesting.”

“You’re kind of relentless.”

“Sometimes,” Andy agrees, “but I’m also pretty familiar with tragedy and upheaval and I’ve seen parents have to leave the hospital without their kids because they’re too sick to go home and I always hope they have somewhere to go where they can process and not be alone with their thoughts.”

Sid is quiet, but keeps his eyes on Andy.

“So, you know, this is one time where I can actually ensure someone doesn’t leave alone. I don’t ever have that luxury.”

“Do you ever shut up?”

“Actually. No.” Andy stands up straighter. “Let’s go.”

He isn’t sure why Sid agrees, but he does, and they walk through the double doors and outside into the cold.

* * *

**Friday Night**

The gay bar near the hotel is tiny, but the sound system is good, and the music is loud. Sid buys Andy two shots of tequila and two mixed drinks, and watches him dance. He sits on a barstool, his own drink on the small round table next to him. He isn’t a dancer, but he likes watching Andy, and he knows in another two or three songs Andy will come back, flushed and sweaty, and ask Sid to take him home. Drinking is pretty rare for them, but Sid doesn’t mind when Andy gets drunk. He’s such a happy drunk – and very sloppy. 

“Who’re you watching?”

Sid turns and looks at the man who has approached his table. He sets his beer down next to Sid’s soda, and leans against the table. He’s decent looking and in another life might be the type of guy Sid tries to pull.

“My partner,” Sid replies. He points. “The one in the blue shirt.”

“He’s cute,” the guy says in a tone that maybe he doesn’t actually think so.

“Yep.”

“Why’re you sitting all alone if you’re here with someone?”

“I don’t dance.”

“You’re not scared he’s going to find another guy to take home? He’s grinding against that dude pretty hard.”

Sid shakes his head. “I’m not scared at all,” he says honestly.

Watching Andy from this vantage point is something Sid treasures. It’s rare to see him so carefree and blissful. Other men clearly find him attractive, but Sid knows Andy is all his. They’ve done this routine a few times over the years, a rare night out where they go to a gay bar for Andy to blow off steam, Sid to watch him dance, and then they go home together and alone.

“What’re you drinking?”

“Ginger ale,” Sid replies. “I like to live on the edge.”

The man laughs. “Looks like your boyfriend is gonna go home with someone else.”

Sid watches as one of Andy’s dance partners tries to kiss him. Andy giggles and pushes him away. He waves a finger back and forth as he shakes his head. He pats the guy’s cheek and then flits away, back towards Sid. 

He knows the man at his table is watching as Andy comes to Sid and throws his arms around his neck. Andy smiles into his mouth and kisses him. When he pulls away he has a mischievous glint to his eyes. 

“What?” says Sid.

“You should come dance with me.”

“You know I don’t dance. Two left feet or something. You should have another shot.”

“You like getting me drunk.”

“No shit,” Sid says, lowering his voice, “you lose all your inhibition when you’re drunk. It’s the best.”

“So one more shot and then you’ll dance?”

“One more shot and then I take you back to the hotel.”

“Ah! Yes, the hotel. Let’s do that.” Andy kisses him one more time before going towards the bar.

“You two ever invite anyone else back with you?”

Sid turns and looks at the man again. He grins a little, but shakes his head. “That’s flattering, but no. I don’t share well.”

“I don’t want to share _him_.”

Sid shakes his head. “Definitely not, then.”

“How long you two been together?”

“Six years.”

“Not married? It’s legal now.”

Sid’s gaze goes back to Andy, now at the bar, sharing a shot with the bartender, who leans over and says something in Andy’s ear. Sid stands. “It was nice talking to you,” he says, and walks towards the bar. 

The bartender nods his hello to Sid and asks him what he wants. 

“His tab,” he says, nodding towards Andy. He holds his credit card between his index and middle fingers.

The bartender laughs and takes the card. “Your boyfriend’s cute,” he practically shouts over the music.

“My boyfriend’s fucking adorable,” Sid shouts back, “especially when he’s drunk.”

The bartender hands Sid’s credit card back and the receipt for him to sign. Sid gives him a big tip – only because he said Andy was cute.

Outside the bar, Andy is too drunk to walk in a straight line but not so drunk that he needs help to the car. He’s all smiles and giggles. He does struggle with his seatbelt and Sid helps him click it into place. Sid drives back to the hotel, listening to Andy talk about the bar and the dance floor and how weird it is to be in a place where all the men love other men. Sid listens, and a familiar warmth spreads through his chest. A happiness lives there now. Some days its dimmer than others, but right now, it’s pretty bright. He finds it hard to keep it lit all the time, but Andy helps. Sid thinks about telling him this, but he stays quiet.

Sid parks near the front entrance of their hotel and Andy stumbles getting out of the car. That final shot of tequila might have finally started to sink in. He turns and offers Andy his back. Andy laughs as he puts his arms around Sid’s neck and climbs up, letting Sid carry him inside. They take the elevator up to their room and Sid unlocks their door. Once inside, he pulls the blankets and sheets back and deposits Andy onto the bed.

“You’re so strong,” Andy says.

Sid rolls his eyes and shakes his head. He’s much bigger than Andy, at least six or seven inches, and broader, and therefore, by default, stronger, but Andy never lets him forget it – like he’s in awe of it. Sid takes off his shoes and socks and undoes his belt. Andy sits up on his knees and says, “C’mere.” Sid does.

Andy takes hold of Sid’s belt and pulls it out of the loops. “You know,” he says, his fingers stilling on the button of Sid’s jeans, “I know you miss them. They miss you, too. But I want this time with you.”

“They’re missing you, too.”

Andy ignores that and says instead, “I want you to want this time with me, too. I, like, really need you to want it.” He looks a little sad.

Sid gazes at him, wondering. “I don’t understand.”

“First time in six years we are somewhere without the kids. I want you to be excited to get to spend a whole night with me without someone waking up from a bad dream … or crying … or wanting to come sleep with us.”

Sid is beginning to see. He brushes the hair off Andy’s forehead and leans forward. His kiss his soft. “I want to be here with you,” he says.

“I know you keep thinking about your kids and I know I’m being really selfish right now, but I want you this weekend. Nothing but you.”

“Our kids,” Sid corrects. He pulls back. “How drunk are you? They’re _our_ kids.”

Andy’s eyes look slightly unfocused, but he’s speaking coherently enough.

“Andy,” says Sid. He grasps both of Andy’s arms. “Hey, what the fuck? Those kids – they’re _ours._ There’s no family without you.”

“Okay,” says Andy. “I’m probably being ridi -ridicle – rid-ic-u-lous.” He hiccups.

Sid feels something heavy settle in the middle of his stomach. It’s a mixture of sadness and guilt. He thought Andy was really happy, he didn’t know there were still insecurities about this. He thinks about how the kids run to Andy when he comes home from work. They have stories to tell him, artwork to show him. On Fridays they take turns picking a movie to watch and there’s always a fight over who gets to sit with Andy in Andy’s chair. When school is out, Sid takes them to visit Andy at work, they eat unsalted French fries from the cafeteria during his lunch break. Whenever one of them is sick in the middle of the night, they always go to Andy’s side of the bed because he’s the one who nurses them. When they have bad dreams, they go to Andy because they know he’ll pick them up and put them in the center of their bed. 

“Forget I said anything,” Andy says. “I’m drunk, it’s the tequila.”

Sid turns away and goes to his bag. He unzips it and rummages around inside. He pulls out a small wrapped box. With a deep breath, he turns back and sits on the bed next to Andy. He looks at the box for a moment, searching for the words to say.

“What’s this?” Andy sits back down. He takes the box and fingers the silver paper. There’s not a bow or a card. Just the metallic wrapping.

“I was going to give it to you on Sunday.”

“Why Sunday?”

“Because it’s Father’s Day and you always make sure the kids get me something, but I’ve never once gotten you anything. Not in six years. That’s really shitty of me.”

Andy runs his hand over the paper again. “Oh my god,” he says. “You got me a Father’s Day present.”

“Jesus, don’t cry. You haven’t even seen what’s inside. You may hate it.”

Tearing off the paper, Andy opens the box and looks inside. There’s a silver frame with a picture of all of them, the whole family, Sid, the kids, and Andy. Andy’s mom took it one day when she went with them to the zoo. There’s a genuineness to the picture, a happiness that radiates from it. It’s authentic, the love palpable, and it’s been on their fridge for months. Andy never wanted it to get taken down. He runs his fingers over the bottom of the frame.

“I got it at one of those tacky engraving places at the mall. It’s your favorite picture of us.”

“It says _The Phillips Family_.”

“Right.”

“I’m not a Phillips,” Andy says a little sadly.

“That’s the point.”

Andy looks at him blankly.

“You should be a Phillips officially.”

“You want me to change my name?”

Sid resists the urge to roll his eyes. “The alcohol is making you slow tonight. Try to catch up.”

Andy’s eyes narrow as he studies the picture. Then, a lightbulb – “What are you asking me? Is this because of what I said earlier?”

“No, I had a plan for Sunday morning, but you ruined it by being all sad. So now it’s an early Father’s Day present from me.”

“Oh.”

Sid takes the frame and puts it on the bedside table and then cups Andy’s cheek in his hand. Andy leans into it. 

“It’s been six years, you know? It’s time.”

“I’ll look good in a white dress,” Andy jokes. “But I don’t want you to do this because I’m having a sad moment. It’s okay, I know you’re not into the wedding thing.”

Sid snorts. “You’re clearly the fucking love of my life. Don’t fight it.”

“You’re so romantic.”

“This is as romantic as I’ll ever get.”

Andy smiles. He looks happy – finally. “Love of your life, huh? You’ve never said that to me before.”

“Yeah,” says Sid, his voice suddenly very low, “I know. But. There you have it.”

“There you have it,” Andy repeats. “Enough talking.” He pulls his t-shirt up over his head. “Come here.”

* * *

**December: Six Years Ago**

Andy isn’t really sure how he was able to get Sid to go across the street to the diner, but here they are, two cups of coffee and a plate of cheese fries between them. Andy sits in the booth, legs crisscrossed on the bench because he is _just_ too short for his feet to be flat on the floor, and he drinks his coffee slowly, looking at Sid over the rim.

“Okay so I have so many questions for you,” Andy says. He hopes if he talks to Sid about random things that it’ll help take his mind off of Kai. 

“All right,” Sid replies.

“First of all. Did you even graduate? I remember seeing you in high school, but then it’s like … you disappeared.”

“I dropped out,” Sid confirmed. “Halfway through senior year. Got my GED.”

“Why?”

“I was eighteen. I moved out of my dad’s house. Got a job.”

“Doing what?”

“Sanitation department. I collected trash, drove the truck. Did it for about four years actually.”

“Wow. You lived on your own? No roommates?”

“No roommates,” Sid confirms. “In the grossest, shittiest apartment.”

“Why’d you leave home?”

“Do you remember my dad at all when you were next door?”

Andy shakes his head.

“He’s an addict.”

“Oh.”

Sid shrugs. He’s eating the cheese fries with a fork, which Andy finds strangely endearing – albeit really weird. “He wouldn’t quit, so I quit him instead.”

“That’s kind of sad.”

“Is what it is,” Sid says and shoves a forkful of fries in his mouth.

“What’s your job now?”

“I’m a bartender at Shaken.”

“I’ve never heard of it.”

“It’s a martini bar. Although they have other stuff, too.” Sid shrugs again. “The tips are good.”

“So you went from collecting garbage to working in a martini bar?”

“No, I worked at some dive bars as a busboy. Learned to make drinks on slow nights. Then went to restaurant bars. Now I’m at Shaken. Each was a step up, I guess. It’s not a classy joint, I don’t have to wear a tie or anything stupid like that.”

“What’s the dream then?” Andy asks. “You want to be a bartender forever?”

“I don’t have any dreams. I wasn’t raised with _options_ for my life, so I live day by day, I guess.”

“Okay, but, do you have any hobbies?”

Sid shakes his head. “I like rock climbing. There’s a climbing gym behind my apartment. I go a couple times a week, but there’s not a lot of time for hobbies.”

“Where’s your mom?”

Sid steels. “She’s gone.”

“Oh. Sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s fine. Look, I appreciate your questions and trying to get me to cheer up or whatever the fuck it is you’re trying to do, but wallowing is something I’m actually good at. So why don’t you tell me something about you instead? Last I remember you won the school spelling bee or some shit like that.”

“I did not—”

“You were always perfect, let’s not pretend we went to different high schools.”

“I thought you didn’t remember me.”

“Oh, whatever, we’ve already been over this. And you still look like you’re fifteen. Of course I remembered you. You haven’t changed. I think you’re the same height, too.”

Andy frowns. “Well, I went to college. I thought I’d go to med school. Then I met Piper – she was the nurse back there with the long blonde unicorn hair—”

“I’m sorry – what the fuck is unicorn hair?”

“Beautiful, perfect hair. So rare that I call it unicorn hair. She wakes up in the morning, takes a shower, doesn’t put on any makeup, and yet she’s still beautiful. Like a unicorn.”

“Is she your girlfriend?”

“No, why?”

“You’re talking about her like she’s your girlfriend. Stuck in the friend zone?”

“Considering I’m gay, I guess you could say that.”

“Ah,” says Sid. He smirks and nods. “I wondered. It makes more sense now.”

“What makes more sense?”

“From what I remember when we were kids and then in high school. You make more sense.”

“I don’t understand.”

Sid smirks again. “Never had a girlfriend, did you? But you were friends with some really hot cheerleaders.”

“How do you remember this?”

“I slept with Lindsay DiMarco all junior year. She used to talk about you a lot.”

Andy slaps the top of the table. “Shut up. Are you _kidding_ me? She was captain of the cheerleading squad.”

“I know that.”

“I was really good friends with her all through high school.”

“I know that, too.”

“And _you_ —”

“It was her bad boy phase. She liked to sneak cigarettes with me by the football field.”

“She had a boyfriend.”

“I know. I slept with him, too.” Sid puts another forkful of fries in his mouth. “These are good,” he says, his mouth full.

Andy knows he’s gaping. His mouth is open in shock and his brain has decided to completely shut down. 

“Didn’t you have a little brother?” Sid asks.

“Sister,” Andy corrects. “Molly. She’s in New York. She wants to be an actress. Musical theater.”

“Good luck to her.”

“Yeah – okay you need to back up a second. Lindsay DiMarco _and_ her boyfriend. At the same time?”

Sid shakes his head. “No.”

“Did they both know?”

Sid scoffs. “Of course not.”

“He’s in the NFL now, you know.”

“Is he really?”

“Yeah. He’s dating a supermodel. I didn’t have a single date in high school and you were sleeping with both of them. Unbelievable.”

“I assume you’ve dated since then?”

“Of course I have!”

Sid smirks; he can’t seem to stop. “We got off topic when you started talking about unicorn hair.”

“I don’t even know what I was talking about before that.”

“Going to college. Meeting Piper. Med school.”

“Oh, right, right.” Andy is mildly surprised that Sid has been paying attention that closely. “I thought I wanted to be a pediatrician, but Piper was planning on going to nursing school and convinced me to do that instead. Less time in school and honestly nurses get to interact with patients more than doctors. Plus, I don’t like being in control and doctors often end up being the boss and I don’t think I’d like bossing people around. I take direction really well.”

“Why pediatrics? Why the children’s hospital?”

“I really like kids,” Andy says simply. “They’re funny and sweet and innocent. They remind me about the good things in the world. They’re not corrupted yet. And they’re stronger than adults.”

“That’s why I like Kai so much,” says Sid. His eyes are focused on the last four French fries on the plate. “Everything about him is still so innocent and loyal. Hannah can fuck everything up and he still loves her and still wants to go home and be with her.”

Andy takes in a deep breath. So they’re talking about Kai now. If that’s the case, he has some follow-up questions on that part of Sid’s life as well.

“So Hannah – does she do that often? Get high?”

“Yeah.”

“And she just … drops Kai off with you? What if you have to work?”

“I either switch shifts with someone or I’ll take the earlier leave and he’ll come with me and hang out in the back office for a few hours. My boss doesn’t care, she likes Kai. She bought some crayons and coloring books for when he comes. There’s a small TV that he can watch Disney on. It’s supposed to be for the security cameras, but those haven’t worked in over a year.”

“That’s – that’s a lot.”

Sid shrugs. He opens two sugar packets and pours them into his coffee mug. “It’s probably better than what he’d be exposed to at her place. I’ve tried to convince her to let me have him, but she says no.”

“Have him – like custody of him?”

Sid nods.

“Where does she live? Does she have a job?”

“She has an apartment downtown with a couple friends. She’s a cashier at a gas station.”

“Is your dad still at your old house?”

“No, it’s empty now.”

“Oh, where is he then?”

Sid doesn’t answer. 

Andy tries to think of something to break the silence, but all he comes up with is, “So what was so bad about your date?”

Sid glances up at him. He looks a little relieved that Andy changed the subject. “Honestly? She was boring.”

“Hmm,” says Andy.

“I talk to hundreds of different people a week at work. I’m so jaded that you really have to stand out for me to like you, you know?”

Andy doesn’t but he nods anyway. 

“I’m almost thirty. I just want to be around people who make me laugh.”

“Well, sure, that’s the dream, isn’t it?” says Andy rather dryly. 

“What about you? You go on a lot of boring dates?”

“Almost exclusively. That tends to be one of the requirements for dating me.”

Sid smirks. “I figured.” He looks at his watch. “I gotta go to work. Thanks for the coffee and not letting me go home and drown in self-pity.”

“Any time,” says Andy. He watches as Sid downs the rest of the coffee in his mug. Sid gets up and puts his jacket back on. 

“Come by the bar sometime, okay?” He clamps his hand down on Andy’s shoulder as he walks past him and out of the diner. Andy has to close his eyes so he doesn’t watch him walk out the door.

* * *

Two days later Andy knocks on Piper’s apartment door. She looks surprised when she opens it and sees him on her front step. She’s wearing yoga pants and a sweatshirt. Her hair is in a messy knot and she looks like she’s ready to either go work out or take a nap. Andy isn’t sure which. 

“We’re going out,” he says. 

“What? Where? Why?”

“Out. Shaken. Because you love me.”

Piper steps aside and lets Andy in. “Okay, let’s take this one at a time.”

“So you remember that guy from the hospital that I went to the diner with?”

Piper sits down on her beige-colored sofa and Andy sits next to her. “Of course,” she says. She grabs the bottle of water off her coffee table and takes a sip. She presses mute on the TV remote. 

“He’s a bartender at Shaken.”

“So we’re going to visit the father of one of your patients?”

“Uncle, not father, and yes. We can question the medical ethics of it some other time.”

“And you want to go visit him at work? Does he know you’re coming?”

Andy scoffs. “Of course not.”

“You need a cover story, then.”

“Wanting to visit a really hot guy isn’t a good cover story?”

“Is he even gay?”

“He told me he slept with a football player when we were in high school, so he’s not straight.”

“All the beautiful ones are gay,” Piper says, feigning sadness.

“Thanks,” Andy replies. “So you need to get dressed and let’s go.”

“Is he even working tonight?” Piper asks. She stands and walks down the short hallway into her bedroom. She leaves the door open. “Is he going to think you’re a stalker?” she asks loudly.

“Probably,” Andy shouts back.

“Cool. I’ve always wanted to get accused of stalking someone.”

“Then it’s your lucky night!”

Fifteen minutes later Piper has taken her hair out of its bun and put on a pair of dark jeans, boots, and a blue sweater that complements her fair skin. An hour after that, Piper pulls into the Shaken parking lot. They take note of the expensive cars surrounding them. Andy suddenly feels very nervous. Back in college, Piper was able to get him to come out of his shell. He’d never dated before even though he knew he was gay. There was something about it that made him too nervous; the possibility of humiliation wasn’t worth the risk. Piper went with him to his first gay club and didn’t get mad when he left her sitting at the bar to dance with a cute guy who’d been ogling him for the better part of twenty minutes. She googled gay sex with him and they walked to the drugstore together to get condoms and lube when he was ready to start really exploring what it meant to be with another man. When he had his first heartbreak, she was there to order pizza and share a tub of Neapolitan ice cream. She downloaded a dating app on his phone and they spent an hour swiping left or right.

Piper is a much better friend than Andy is, and he always tells her this. She denies it every time and will remind him that he helped her study for every quiz and final during nursing school. He picked her up at two in the morning when she got too drunk at a frat party that he wasn’t invited to and take her home. He sat with her on the cold tile bathroom floor waiting to see if her pregnancy test had one lines or two, and then sat with her three weeks later when her body rejected what was inside and held her while she cried tears of pain, sadness, and relief. She tells him he’s her best friend because no matter what happens, he loves her without judgement. 

“Are we sitting in this car all night or are we going inside?”

Andy takes a deep breath. “Inside. Let’s go.”

They walk across the parking lot and through the front door. It’s not particularly late yet, but the bar is mostly full. There’s two seats together at one end of the oval-shaped bar in the middle of the room, and Piper takes Andy’s hand and leads him there. He watches as several men turn to look at her. She’s undeniably attractive and her blue sweater clings to her just so. 

Andy sits on the wooden bar stool and looks around. Everything is very dark and the lights feel kind of dim, but he supposes most bars are like this. The servers wear white button-down shirts tucked into dark jeans. Andy looks behind the bar; the bartenders wear black button-downs and Sid is there, sleeves rolled up to his elbows; his tattoos seem brighter today against the dark of the room and the dark of his shirt.

“Is that him?” Piper asks. “God, look at him.”

“He’s cute, right?”

“You said he used to be a garbageman? Ugh, I bet he came home so fucking dirty.” She licks her lips.

“Are you – are you imagining him taking a shower right now?”

“God, you know me so well. I bet he throws down hard. I need a shot. Does this place do that or do I have to order something with an olive?” She leans over and grabs a menu from behind the bar. Her movements catch Sid’s eye and he looks over at them. He does a doubletake and then makes his way down.

“Oh, shit,” Andy whispers.

“I can honestly say I didn’t expect to see you here,” he says. He braces his hands against the bar. “You must be the unicorn.”

Piper frowns and narrows her eyes at Andy. “Are you seriously telling random people about my ‘unicorn’ hair?”

Andy shrugs. “I can’t help it. It’s unnatural.”

Piper turns back to Sid. “I’m Piper.” She holds out her hand.

He shakes it. “Sid.”

“I know.”

He chortles. “I’ll bet. Nice sweater.”

Piper glances down at herself. “Ah, yes. It’s my _no thank you_ sweater.”

Sid raises his eyebrows as though asking a silent question.

“When I wear this, people offer to buy me drinks or ask me to dance and I always say _no thank you_. I think it’s the color.”

“I think it’s the cut.”

Piper looks down again. “Maybe.”

“You don’t want guys to buy you drinks?”

“Usually not. I don’t like to date, but sometimes the offer is still nice.”

“Fascinating.”

“I know.” Piper looks around. “This place is pretty cool. I don’t drink martinis, though. What else you got?”

“What do you normally like?”

Piper waves a hand in the air. “I have a shit-ton of student debt so usually whatever is on special. I don’t like olives, but I’ll drink anything. You can’t let me have more than three. I have to drive home.”

Sid looks at Andy. “What about you?”

“He’ll need something that doesn’t taste like alcohol,” Piper answers, “or he won’t drink it.”

“A girly drink,” Sid replies. “Got it.” He takes two shot glasses from under the bar and sets them in front of Piper and Andy. “Let’s start you off right,” he says. He pours a bunch of stuff into a shaker and then divides it up between the glasses. It’s red, but Andy has no idea what it is. “Bottoms up.”

“It’s not fair if you don’t drink with us,” says Piper.

“I don’t drink,” Sid replies. He grins at Andy. “Bottoms up,” he says again.

Andy looks at the small glass. He sighs, takes a deep breath, and shoots it back. He swallows and then looks at Sid. Sid’s grinning and looks amused.

“I’ll be back,” he says. He grabs the shot glasses and puts them on a black tray hidden underneath the bar with other used glasses. 

Piper grabs Andy’s thigh. “If you weren’t my best friend I’d tell you to fuck off so I could take him home. He’s _delightful_.”

“He likes girls, too,” Andy says, “so I’m sure you could do it if you tried. He probably wouldn’t object.”

“Oh, no,” gasps Piper, looking mortified, “I’d never honestly try to take him from you. I was only joking.”

“I know,” says Andy, “but you’re more attractive than I am. It wouldn’t be hard.”

Piper rolls her eyes. “I did not come here to be with the self-pitying Andy. I came here to be with the neurotic, psycho-stalker Andy. Let’s get that one drunk. You lose all inhibition when you’re drunk. Which is also delightful.”

Sid returns with two empty martini glasses. He begins mixing their drinks in front of them. “What would’ve you done if I wasn’t working?” he asks, his eyes on Andy.

“Probably ordered one drink and then left,” says Andy. 

“So you admit you came here just to see me,” Sid says.

“I. Well. Yes.” Andy feels the back of his neck heat up. “I mean, your bar sounded cool, too.” He presses his hands to his cheeks. “It’s hot in here.”

Piper snorts and smiles. “You’re funny,” she says. 

“We usually go to the same diner and same coffeehouse on our nights off, so, you know, it was time to go somewhere different anyway.”

“I’m sure,” says Sid, still looking amused. “If you’re going to drink a lot, you should probably order something to eat.”

Sid pushes the now-full glass closer to Andy. He picks up the glass and takes a sip. It’s a little bit sweet and a little bit sour, but definitely tastes like alcohol.

“This is _strong_ ,” Andy says. 

“He gets easy when he gets drunk,” Piper says, mostly to Sid, “and this place is full of cute guys.” She looks around. “Actually, a lot of cute guys.”

“Not like they’re going to line up to take me home,” says Andy, continuing to drink from his martini glass. He’s purposefully not looking at Sid who is now pouring Piper’s drink into her empty glass. 

“They might – you never know,” Piper replies. “I’ve seen it happen.”

Sid leans over, his elbows resting at the bar. He’s at Andy’s eye-level and the way he looks at him begs Andy to look up.

He does and swallows.

“If they do,” Sid says, “they’ll have to get in line behind me.”

Andy makes a noise that he’s pretty sure was half a whimper and half a groan. Sid smirks and nods to the martini glass.

“You should drink that,” he says. “All drinks on me tonight.”

This time the noise is definitely a whimper. Sid grins and stands back up and goes to tend to his other customers. Piper grabs Andy’s thigh again, her fingernails practically digging into his skin.

“I cannot believe this is happening right now,” she says. “Oh I hope he takes you home and ravishes the fuck out of you. You need to get laid.”

“Piper,” says Andy warningly.

“What? It’s been, what, six months? Come on. It’s time for you to get back out there.”

Andy wants to tell her to hush, but she’s not wrong. It’s been a while. He’s been single for over a year and has had a solitary one-night stand since his last breakup. Randomly hooking up isn’t really his style, but he also spends his time either at work or with Piper and she has no real interest in finding anyone to date. His solitude has worked out well for the both of them this year.

“He’s pretty,” says Piper. “He seems to find you attractive.”

“Maybe.”

“What’s the problem here? We came out tonight for you to see this guy. Why are you acting weird about it?”

“I didn’t really expect him to like me back, I guess. He doesn’t know me that well yet.”

“Sure, sure, but when we’re attracted to people, sometimes we don’t know the reasons, we just feel something. And he feels something – obviously – so then let it happen.”

Andy nods. “Right, of course.”

Piper spins around on her stool until she’s facing Andy. She leans in closer and puts her hand on his shoulder. “I know you got your heart broken—”

Andy pulls away from her grasp.

“Don’t do that. It’s true. I helped you pick up the pieces. Just because Trevor didn’t want you doesn’t mean you’re worthless. I don’t know why you still think that now, but this guy – Sid – is clearly attracted to you. There’s a reason. You’re cute and you’re funny and you’re really smart. He sees that. And if you let whatever happen, happen, he’ll see all the other amazing stuff about you, too. But if you roll around in this low-self-esteem land, he’s never going to get the chance to see all this other cool stuff about you.”

“Maybe he wants a fling, like get me drunk, get off, and that’s it.”

“That’s possible, but you’ll never know if you don’t try, right?”

Andy nods. “Right.”

“He looks like he’s probably got a lot of practice,” Piper says with a sly smile, “so let him take you home and fuck you and at least you’ll have a good story to tell me tomorrow. If you can even walk far enough to get your phone and call me.”

Sid comes back over and asks if they want another shot. Piper answers for Andy and he knows he’s done for.

* * *

After the second shot Sid gives them, he only serves Piper water. Andy has to stop at drink six because he knows any more and he’ll stop being fun-drunk-Andy and turn into passed-out-Andy. Around midnight Piper announces she will promptly turn into a pumpkin if she doesn’t get back home soon, and Andy says goodbye to Sid.

“I’ll take you home,” Sid says. “I’m out of here in another twenty minutes anyway.”

“Take care of him,” Piper warns, not giving Andy the chance to say no. “I’ll expect his text messages in the morning and now I know where you work if he disappears.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Sid says mockingly, but he winks at her as she grabs her coat and walks out the door. He turns to Andy. “Want some water?”

“What’re you going to do to me when you take me home?” Andy asks, feeling a little brazen.

Sid laughs. “Nothing weird, I promise. You’ll go to bed with your virtue intact.”

“My virtue? I haven’t had that in years. Let me ask you something.”

“All right.” Sid leans his elbows against the bar, at Andy’s eyelevel again. “Go for it.”

“You really slept with Lindsay DiMarco and her boyfriend back in high school?”

“Yeah.”

“So you’re bi?”

Sid sighs. “No one ever likes my answer to that question.”

“Why? It seems like an easy answer.”

“I don’t think in those terms. Gay or bi or straight. I feel like I see people and if I like them, I like them. Doesn’t really matter what’s under their clothes. That’s not what I think of first when I see a person I like.”

“I don’t follow.”

“I don’t think about gender. You could be male or female. A combo of both. Things like that don’t turn me off if I like you as a person.”

“Yikes,” says Andy.

“Did you say _yikes_? That’s one response I don’t think I’ve gotten yet.”

“That means the competition is endless,” says Andy, “and I’m not very good at the game.”

“There’s no game here,” says Sid. He stands up. “I hate talking about this with people. It’s all they focus on. And no one understands. Let me clean up and count out and I’ll take you home.”

Andy pulls out his phone while he waits. He scrolls through Facebook and likes a couple pictures his sister posted earlier today. He reads a text his mom sent him three hours ago asking if he’s coming over for lunch tomorrow. Everything on his phone is pretty boring and he’d rather watch Sid clean up anyway. 

Sid takes all the dirty glasses into the back. He comes out with a tray of clean ones and puts them away. There’s a wad of cash in his pocket and he goes to the register and prints out a long receipt. He pays some of the cash back into the register and pockets the rest. Andy never worked in restaurants or bars, so he has no idea what Sid is even doing. Two of the waitresses come over and hand him more cash. One gives him a hug and points to Andy. He doesn’t know what she asked, but he watches as Sid smiles and shrugs.

In high school Sid was tall and almost lanky. He was never awkward, but he was all angles, skin stretched over bone. They never had any classes together, but Andy remembers forgetting a book in the boys’ locker room and running back to get it. Sid was there, changing for gym, his ribs visible when he changed his shirt, and he already had a tattoo on his chest. Andy must have been a freshman and Sid a junior, although he should have probably graduated by then. Sid looks nothing like that skinny kid now. He’s filled out and at least looks like he eats three meals a day instead of only one. He walks differently now, too. There used to be a heaviness to all his movements, like something was pushing him down. He seems lighter now, even though Andy knows there’s probably some rawness underneath from the things going on with Hannah and Kai. 

“Come on,” says Sid. He motions for Andy to follow him. Andy jumps up and meets him by the door. There’s not enough alcohol in him to take away his nervousness. He noticed the way the women in the bar responded to Sid, the way some of the men did, too. The ease in which Sid talked to all the customers. Sid probably has had way more experience than Andy and even though Andy has never had any complaints, he imagines Sid has only had compliments. 

“You okay?” Sid asks. He stops next to a black pick-up truck. Andy stops a few feet away from him. Sid shakes his head and grabs for Andy’s waist and pulls him closer. He bends his knees so he can look Andy in the eye. “What’s up?”

Andy feigns a smile. “Just drunk. I’m fine.”

“Hmm,” Sid hums. He brushes the hair off Andy’s forehead. “You really have no idea how cute you are, do you?”

Andy shakes his head. “Definitely not,” he whispers.

“Oh we are absolutely going to need to change that,” Sid whispers in his ear. He reaches behind him and opens the passenger’s side door. He holds it open for Andy to get in.

Andy gives him directions to his apartment. He asks Sid about his night, the other customers, his coworkers. Sid answers, but keeps his eyes on the road in front of him. A grin seems to tug on the corner of his mouth and Andy wants to be the reason he smiles. When Sid pulls in front of his building, he puts the car in park, but keeps it idling. 

“Are you coming up?” Andy asks.

Sid shakes his head. “Not this time.”

“Okay, but I’m drunk. I’m compromised. What if I don’t make it to my front door? Piper knows where you work. She’ll blame you if I’m taken.”

Sid laughs and turns off the truck. “Okay, fine, you win.” He gets out of the car and follows Andy up one flight of stairs to his apartment. 

Andy drops his keys, but Sid reaches past him to pick them up. He opens the door and lets Andy walk in first. Andy turns on a light and Sid looks around as though studying this place. He goes to the fireplace and picks up a picture frame off the mantle. 

“You and Piper go way back, huh?”

“She’s my best friend for the last ten years.” The room is starting to spin a little. Andy presses a hand to his head. 

“You don’t have any pictures of you and your brother?”

“Sister.”

“Whatever.”

“I do. On the bookshelf. We aren’t really close.”

Sid’s eyes go to the bookshelf. He walks over and runs his fingers over the titles. “You read all these?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever read a book in my life.”

“That sucks.”

“Where’s your TV?”

“I don’t have one.”

“Really?”

Andy shrugs. “Are you going to analyze all my stuff or do something interesting?”

Sid grins. “What do you think is interesting?”

Andy crosses the room and stands in front of him. He sways on his feet and Sid grabs him before he falls over. Andy laughs. “Whoops,” he says, “sorry. But this is already better than talking about my books.” He lowers his voice, “Although I do have some gay romance novels that Piper bought me for my birthday.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mm hmm.”

“You can barely stand up. Let’s get you to bed.”

Andy turns and points to a door on the other side of his living room. He leads Sid into the room. He has a full-sized bed, a dresser, and a nightstand. The walls are bare, but there are more framed pictures on top of his furniture. Andy flops down on his bed and Sid bends down to take off his shoes. Andy watches as Sid undoes the laces and then pulls them off his feet. Sid looks up and smiles, shakes his head. 

“You’re a mess.”

“I am not.”

“You’re a funny mess. I’m glad you’re not the kind of drunk who cries or gets angry.”

“Never.”

Sid puts Andy’s shoes to the side and takes off his socks. He slides his hands up Andy’s jeans until he gets to his top button. He undoes it, and then lowers the zipper. Andy lifts his hips as Sid pulls the jeans down. Andy presses a hand to his head again; the room still spins. Sid leans forward, his elbows on the edge of the bed, crowding into Andy’s space. 

Andy forgets how to breathe. Sid’s mouth ghosts over his. 

“We need to reschedule this,” Sid says, his voice low. “I want you to remember everything. I do to you.”

Andy frowns. “But—”

“The first time has to be sober. With no regrets.”

“Oh I won’t regret this.”

“But I will – if I stay and tomorrow you wake up and don’t remember.”

Andy’s frown deepens. 

Sid kisses his forehead and gets up. Andy watches him leave. He lays all the way down and listens for his front door to click closed. He wants to grab his phone and text Piper what an absolute disaster his night turned out to be, but he ends up falling asleep before he can. 

He wakes up the next morning with a headache. He gets up and grabs his phone from his jeans pocket and immediately calls Piper. 

“Tell me _everything_ ,” she says instead of saying hello.

“There’s nothing to tell. He dropped me off at home and said he didn’t want to stay because I was too drunk.”

“Oh,” says Piper. “I mean, I guess that’s honorable, right?”

Andy shuffles into the kitchen. “I guess, but it’s really embarrassing. Hopefully he won’t come back to the hospital. I don’t know if I could face him again.” Andy grabs a glass from his cabinet and goes to the fridge to get some water.

“Did he even kiss you? Please tell me you made out with him.”

“No. Nothing.”

“He seemed really into you, though. At least you got home okay, right? Andy? Hello?”

“Sorry, um.” Andy puts the glass down. On his fridge, under a magnet, is a note written on a paper towel in black sharpie. 

_Call me when you wake up._

A note with Sid’s number on it. Andy stares at it. He wasn’t expecting this.

“Andy!”

“Sorry, sorry. He left me his number.”

“What?”  
“Let me call you back.” Andy ends the call. He puts his phone down on the counter and takes the paper towel off the fridge. He stares at it. His mouth feels thick so he gets more water and chugs it. This phone number, though. Normally this is something he’d agonize with Piper over and she would persuade him one way or another. This time it feels different. He doesn’t know what it is exactly, but this number feels like something significant. 

Andy takes a deep breath and dials. Sid answers on the second ring. 

“Hello?”

“Hey,” says Andy. Then, because he realizes Sid doesn’t have his number saved in his phone, “Er, this is Andy.”

“How’s your hangover?” 

“It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Good.”

“Yeah.” Andy clears his throat. “So thanks for the ride last night.”

“Uh huh. Hope you’re not mad.” Something clanks in the background. 

“Maybe a little embarrassed – what are you doing?”

“I’m making a grilled cheese sandwich for Kai. Listen, you shouldn’t be embarrassed. When are you free?”

“Free?”

Sid laughs. “Yeah, free. To go out.”

“Oh. I’m off Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays.”

“Hmmm,” says Sid. “You’re off on the days I work. What time do you get off on Wednesday?”

“I work seven to five every day.”

“Okay, so six-thirty. I’ll switch shifts with someone.”

“Yeah, okay, sure, six-thirty.” Andy puts his hand to his chest and wills his heart to slow down. “Where?”

“I don’t know yet. Hold on.” He yells for Kai to come get his sandwich. “Okay, sorry.”

“Is, uh … is this a date?”

Sid laughs again. “We can decide that after, if you want.”

“What difference would that make?”

“Well – the first time we met, I thought you were an asshole. The second time was right after something fairly traumatic happened to my nephew. The third time you got really drunk. So we haven’t had an even playing field yet. Maybe we go out and it sucks and I end up thinking you’re an asshole again, so we pay separately and leave separately.”

“Wait. Why do I have to be the asshole in this scenario?”

“Because you have the history, I don’t.”

“Okay, but what if you _don’t_ think I’m an asshole?”

“Then I’ll pay and we can decide who goes home with who.”

Andy imagines what going home with Sid might be like, the weight of him as he pins him down. He coughs and shakes his head, trying to rid his brain of those images.

“Yeah,” he says a little roughly. “Sounds good.”

“I’ll text you where to meet me later. I gotta go.”

“Okay, cool.”

He can almost hear Sid smirking at him when he says, “Bye, Andy,” and ends the call. 

Andy stares at his phone. He takes a picture of Sid’s note and texts it to Piper. He finishes his glass of water and then goes back to bed. He never was very good at handling hangovers.

* * *

Work has never seemed so slow before. Andy’s been on enough dates in the past that this one should be routine, but it’s not. He feels that it’s not. It feels important and ginormous and he knows he’s being absolutely ridiculous. He barely knows this guy; he barely knew him when they were neighbors. Yet, here he is, sweating and making himself ill over something that hasn’t even happened yet.

“Clock out early,” Piper says. “You’re making me insane. I’ll work the last hour of your shift.”

“No, I can handle it.”

Piper grabs him by the shoulders. “Go home. Take a shower. Change your clothes twenty-seven times.”

“I won’t change my clothes twenty-seven times.”

“You should wear those dark jeans that I always tell you look great and that green sweater. Green looks good on you. Oh and your brown boots. It’ll save you a lot of stress of trying to decide what to wear.”

Andy glares at her.

“You know I’m right about these things.”

“Yeah, all right.”

“Why are you so nervous?”

“I don’t know.” Andy sighs and runs his hands through his hair. 

“I’ll stay up so if it goes terribly, you can come over and I’ll have some vodka chilled and ready. If it goes well, I fully expect you to ignore me all night and have fun.”

“I could never ignore you.”

“You better if your date goes well. But I fully expect an update tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

“Now, please get out of here.”

“Okay, okay.”

Andy goes home and showers. He brushes his teeth twice and flosses. He puts on the clothes Piper suggests and looks at his watch. There’s still another forty minutes before he needs to leave. He goes to the trunk he uses as a coffee table and opens it. Inside is a box full of old photographs. He likes having things printed instead of all his memories sitting on his phone. He sits on his sofa as he goes through them.

There are a lot of him and Piper through the years. The day they graduated nursing school in their caps and gowns. The day they both started at the hospital in their navy blue scrubs and new name badges. A few from various college parties and even more from trips they took to New York and Los Angeles. The first time either of them went to Disney World. There are also some pictures of him and Trevor, before Andy got his heart broken. 

The thing about Trevor was that Andy forgot who he was when they were together. Sometimes he contemplated quitting the hospital and working somewhere else because Trevor didn’t like the shifts he was scheduled. It didn’t matter that Andy loved his job. It was subtle, the way Trevor had inserted so much doubt into his brain, but once they broke up Andy thought he’d go back to the way he was before. There are still remnants of his time with Trevor inside him; they seep out when he least expects it, in forms of pity and mistrust.

Piper kept her mouth shut for the first year Andy and Trevor were together and then she couldn’t take it anymore. She told Andy how she thought she was losing him – and how he was losing himself. They didn’t talk for almost two months after that and avoided each other at the hospital. When Trevor broke up with him, Andy drove himself over to Piper’s and knocked on her door. She took one look at him, pulled him inside, and promptly let him cry without asking for any apologies. When he finally got around to saying he was sorry, she told him he didn’t need to say it. She had a bottle of wine ready and got up to find her stash of DVDs that she knew Andy liked.

Andy never thought he was the type of person to give up his own ideals for someone else, but somehow that’s what happened. He worries that if this thing with Sid turns into something significant he’ll lose himself again. 

Andy looks at his watch. He still has thirty minutes. He pulls out his phone. _I left work early. Want to meet at 6?_ Sid’s response comes almost immediately. _Sure, see you soon_.

The place Sid suggests is a bar called PassGo, a place that he says he goes often with his friends. They have over two-hundred board and table games and their tables are set up for game play. Andy is grateful for a date where there’s an activity involved so he doesn’t have to worry about what he might say next. When he pulls into the parking lot, he sees Sid’s truck. He texts Piper, _Here we go_ , before getting out and walking inside. The bar is already more than half-full. Sid is standing at the bar, talking to one of the bartenders. 

“Hey,” Andy says.

Sid turns around and smiles. “Hey,” he says. His eyes look Andy up and down. “You look good.”

Andy feels his cheeks flush. 

“This is my friend, Andy,” Sid says, turning back towards the bartender. To Andy he says, “This is Dominic. We used to bartend together a few years ago.”

“Hey,” Dominic says with a small nod of his head.

“Hi, nice to meet you.”

“I made them save me a booth.”

“You come here a lot, then?” Andy asks.

Sid pushes off the bar and walks past Andy towards the tables. “Yep,” he says over his shoulder. He sits at a four-top booth; Andy sits across from him. Sid hands him a menu. Their server comes over and Sid orders a Coke and Andy asks for a ginger ale. They decide to split some cheese fries, which Andy wonders whether that might become their thing.

“You can choose a game,” says Sid, motioning towards the three bookshelves full of game boxes.

“What do you normally play?”

“A bit of everything.”

Andy takes a deep breath. “All right.” He gets up and looks at the boxes. He grabs a box and goes back to Sid. 

“Life,” says Sid. “Interesting choice.”

“It’s a classic and the rules aren’t hard. I don’t really play a lot of games…”

Sid nods appreciatively and begins to unbox the game. He sets everything up and Andy chooses which color car he wants: green. Sid takes red.

“How’s Kai?” Andy asks.

“Oof,” says Sid. “A heavy question right away.” He takes a deep breath. “He’s fine. He’s back with Hannah. She told the judge she checked herself into some outpatient rehab place. She’s supposed to take an anger management class and the social worker will do spot checks or something. I’m not sure.”

“I guess that’s better than foster care?” Andy offers.

Sid shakes his head. “She won’t change. I’ll hope for the best, but I’ve heard all this from her before. She dropped him off at my house twice last week so she could go get high. She won’t tell me that’s the reason, of course, but it is. He’s only three.”

“So … what’s the plan? For when she screws up again?”

“Felicia gave me the card for some lawyer. I met with him, actually. He gave me some good advice.”

Andy finishes setting up the game and takes the first spin. “Well, college has served me well so far, I guess I’ll choose the college route.” He moves the green car six spaces. “What advice did he give you?”

Sid spins and goes directly to career. “Told me I need to find a better place to live and a better job. I can’t really take on a kid if I work five nights a week. Daycares only operate during the day.”

“Right,” says Andy. He spins. “So then, you’ll find a two-bedroom apartment?”

“I was thinking of moving back to my dad’s house. It’s empty. It’s paid off.”

“It’s just sitting there?”

“It had two years’ worth of property taxes due. It was about get sold by the county, but I paid the taxes. Almost two-grand. It’s a dump right now, but I figured some paint and new carpet, it wouldn’t be too bad. It’s got three bedrooms. You’ve been it, haven’t you?”

Andy remembers the place being dark and dingy and really dirty. It was nothing like his house next door, which was bright and clean. Sid’s house felt uncomfortable, like there was a secret living in its walls. Andy remembers his own house feeling a little bit sad. It was the house his mother brought both him and Molly home from the hospital in, but it was also the house where his father left. He could sometimes hear his mother crying through the walls when he was supposed to be in bed. He remembers opening his window and watching Sid play in the backyard next door. Sid never seemed to have a bedtime, although sometimes it would be late at night, ten or eleven, and he’d hide behind the trash cans or under the picnic table when his father would come out, yelling for him to get his ass back inside. If Andy’s walls filtered sadness, there’s no telling what Sid’s walls held.

“Anyway, I gotta find the keys to it, but the lease on my apartment is up in three months anyway. I can save the rent and use that money to do something with the house. Buy furniture and paint or something. I dunno.”

“It’s your spin.”

Sid flicks the spinner and lands on seven. He has to stop his car at the Get Married space. He picks up another blue person and puts it in the front seat of the red car.

“Interesting,” Andy says. 

“What?”

Andy shakes his head. “Nothing. Anyway – what if Hannah actually turns her life around?”

Sid snorts. “ _If_ that happens, then Kai will have a place to stay on the weekends or something. Or I’ll have fixed up the house and can sell it for a profit in a couple years, who the hell knows. Your spin.”

“If it’s empty, where’s your dad?” Andy spins. This time it’s his turn to stop at the Get Married space. He also picks a blue piece to put in his car. “This is the gayest game of Life I’ve ever played.”

Sid laughs a little, but it feels hollow.

“So, your dad?” Andy prompts again.

“He’s in jail,” Sid says.

“What’d he do?”

“Drove drunk and ran up on a curb. Killed this seventeen-year-old girl who was babysitting her neighbor’s baby. She was pushing the stroller to the park. They both died.”

“Oh my god,” Andy replies, horrified. “Are you kidding me?”

“Nope. It was all over the news. I’m surprised you didn’t see it. Oh, good, time to buy a house.”

“I don’t own a TV,” Andy says lamely. He sits there, unsure of what else to say. Their server comes back around and asks if they’re ready to start drinking yet. Sid says no and asks for refills of their sodas. Andy continues to stare at him in disbelief. 

“That might be the most horrific thing I’ve heard in a while,” he finally says.

“Yeah, well.” Sid clears his throat. “This really isn’t something I figured we’d talk about. What about you? Where’s your mom, where’s your sister? It’s your spin, unless you don’t want to play.”

Their server drops off their cheese fries and asks if they need anything else.

“I’m fine,” says Andy.

“I don’t drink,” Sid says to her, “so you can just keep the refills coming, thanks.”

“Why don’t you drink?”

“Why do all the questions keep coming back to me?” Sid sighs again. He unrolls his napkin and takes out the fork. He begins to eat the fries. “My whole family are addicts. My grandfather, my father, my sister, my mother. So I don’t see why I should mess with that. I dunno if I have addictive personality or whatever, but I don’t want to tempt it. I drank and smoked in high school and I ended up dropping out and it didn’t feel good.”

“You’re a bartender, though.”

“It’s a fun job when people come in to let loose and have fun. It’s depressing when people come in because they’re sad or wanting to drink away their problems. So how’s your sister?”

Andy smiles. “Okay, okay, I get it. Enough about your dark past.” He tells Sid about Molly living in New York, in an apartment with three other girls, all trying to make it on Broadway. About his mother who works in real estate and is fairly successful but will probably never retire. They talk about Piper rather extensively, which is really just chronologizing their friendship. Sid asks about his previous boyfriends – Andy tells him the shortened versions how he’s broken one heart, one mutual breakup, and once got his own heart shattered into a thousand pieces. Sid seems interested in the last story, but Andy says there’s no way he’s learning all that on their first date.

“Ah, so it is a date?” Sid asks.

“So far, but that could still change,” Andy replies.

They finish the game and Sid packs it up. They order another plate of cheese fries and Andy changes from ginger ale to water. They talk about how Andy doesn’t really have any hobbies except reading and lounging at the pool during summer. About how he plans on working at the hospital until he retires. About how he’s afraid of Piper getting married and having kids and forgetting all about him, even though she swears she doesn’t want a husband or babies. They talk about how Sid wishes he had a greater ambition than being a bartender but he doesn’t know what other skills he has. About how other than occasionally rock climbing, he ends up spending most of his time either at work or taking care of Kai. About how he once thought about moving to the west coast just for a change of scenery but something always kept him here, and now there’s Kai so he definitely can’t leave. About how one of his greatest regrets is never graduating high school. About how his own past relationships are mostly littered with distrust because the girls he dates are always afraid he’s secretly sleeping with all his male friends, and how he’s never been in a relationship with a guy because of the same suspicions. 

“Sounds lonely,” Andy says.

Sid shrugs. “It’s frustrating. I’m sure one day I’ll find someone who trusts me and it won’t matter.”

“I think I would wonder if you’d ever miss being with a woman.”

“It’s not really like that,” Sid says, shaking his head. “It’s about the person, not the gender.”

Andy can sense Sid is annoyed, so he asks instead, “It’s time to get _really_ personal – what’s your favorite movie?”

Sid laughs. “Good Morning, Vietnam.”

“Seriously?”

“I like movies from the eighties. Labyrinth. Top Gun. Beetlejuice.”

“ _Beetlejuice_?”

“Yeah. The movies from the eighties were better. Simpler times. No cell phones, no computers. All that stuff is bullshit. Movies were real, not all this CGI stuff.” Sid looks past Andy and grimaces. “Two of my friends just walked in.”

Andy turns and watches a couple approach their table. The woman looks incredibly familiar. The guy, not as much. Without invitation, they both sit down – the guy next to Andy and the girl next to Sid.

“Fancy seeing you here.”

Sid nods. “Yeah. This is Andy. Andy, this is James and Rachael.”

“Did you go to Jefferson High?” Rachael asks.

“Yes,” Andy replies.

“That’s why you look so familiar.” She points at Sid. “I didn’t know you were hanging out with anyone else from high school.”

“We ran into each other the other day. We decided to play catch-up. He was two years behind me.”

“Weren’t you, like, student council president or something?”

Andy shakes his head. “No, not even close.”

“He was best friends with Lindsay DiMarco in high school,” Sid says.

“Oh, yeah, that’s right! You were really popular.”

“I wasn’t, I promise. I was nice. Everyone liked me because I was nice.”

“I had such a crush on Lindsay’s boyfriend. He was so hot back then. Now he’s in the NFL, did you know that?”

Andy glances at Sid who grins into his Coke.

“So what’re you up to now? Do you keep up with anyone else from Jefferson?”

“Uh, I’m a nurse at Children’s, and no. I kind of don’t talk to any of those guys anymore. What about you?”

“I’m an art teacher at Sunny Brook Elementary. James and I got married last year. He went to Jefferson, too, but he was in Sid’s class. We all used to hang out together.”

“I do HVAC,” James said. He orders two beers for him and Racheal when their server comes back around.

“Want me to go pick a card game?” Rachael asks. 

Andy tries to keep a neutral face, but he knows he can’t keep the disappointment from showing. He’s been enjoying his time with Sid.

“Or if we were interrupting—”

“No,” Andy says quickly. “It’s fine. Go get Uno or Rook or something.”

Rachael grins and jumps up.

The four of them end up playing Dutch Blitz. It’s fast-paced and Andy finds himself enjoying it more than he thought he would. James is a little quiet, but Racheal talks enough for the both of them. Sid laughs throughout most of the games they play and his competitive side comes out. Andy watches him, sees the joy in his eyes when they all break into laughter. It’s easy and it’s fun. When last call comes at twelve-forty-five, Andy asks their server for their check, but Sid slips her his debit card before Andy can even reach into his pocket for his wallet. They all walk outside together. It’s cold, beyond cold, and Andy shivers as the air hits his face. He hopes Rachael and James leave so Sid can walk him to his car, so he can invite Sid over. Even if nothing else happens and they keep talking – there’s something here, with Sid, Andy can feel it. 

Rachael gives Andy a hug. James shakes his hand. They walk towards their car on the other side of the parking lot. 

“I parked next to you,” Andy says. He shoves his hands in his pockets and they walk towards their cars. Andy turns his car on to warm it up, but gets back out. He leans his back against the closed door and looks at Sid. “So,” he says, suddenly feeling awkward.

“It was an interesting night,” Sid says.

“You paid for dinner, though.”

“Yep.” Sid takes a step closer, crowding into Andy’s space again.

It makes Andy feel emboldened and he grabs the front of Sid’s shirt to pull him even closer. He wants to kiss him. His heart thumps loudly between his ears. It feels like it did the very first time he kissed another guy – the anticipation of it being something new and something still kind of forbidden. The secrecy of it making it taste even sweeter.

“Hey, man.” Something thumps Sid on the back and his step falters. Sid turns around. James is there.

“What’s up?” Sid asks, his tone clipped.

“My piece of shit car won’t start.”

Andy lets a groan escape. Sid glances back at him. The look in his eye apologetic as he he tells James he’ll see if he can help or give them a ride home.

To Andy he says, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Andy wants to scream, but instead he nods and replies, “You seriously better,” and goes home alone. Before he locks his door behind him, his phone beeps with a new text message. _When I said I’d call you tomorrow, I meant later today since it’s after midnight. Sleep well._ Andy doesn’t. How could he with all these new thoughts and feelings about Sid sharing his body? This is the beginning of something and he’s ready for it to start.

* * *


	2. Part 2

**PART 2**

* * *

**Saturday Afternoon**

The wedding ceremony is on the back deck of some elusive estate overlooking a large lake that’s surrounded by trees. Sid has to admit it’s beautiful and, honestly, the best wedding they’ve been to so far. He’s a pretty big fan of Piper’s so he’s glad she seems happy. 

The reception is classy, that rustic chic vibe that’s so popular. Sid and Andy sit at a table with some of Piper’s cousins. Normally they’d sit with other nurses from the hospital, but Piper didn’t invite many. She wanted to separated her new personal life from work as much as possible. Sid is grateful. Sometimes the other nurses grate on his nerves.

Andy loops his arm through his during the ceremony and when they sit down for dinner, he can barely let him go.

“I need my hand to eat,” Sid whispers.

“You have two hands,” Andy replies.

Sid laughs a little and nods and does his best to eat with his left hand. 

He’s known he wanted to marry Andy for at least the last three years. He’s thought about it a lot, but words are hard for him. He talks a lot, in fact he and Andy talk fairly continuously. When Andy’s at work, they text throughout the day. Andy usually calls on his way home. The only time they’re quiet is the hour after they put the kids to bed when they’re watching TV. They talk as they get ready for bed. But words, the kind that convey how he’s feeling, those are hard for Sid. 

He remembers when he first told Andy that he loved him, that he was _in_ love with him. It was probably at least three months after he knew it to be true. He just couldn’t find the words. When Kai asked if Andy could move in, Sid said yes because he’d been wanting to ask it himself but didn’t know how.

Getting down on one knee with a ring isn’t Sid’s style. It’s too stereotypical. The thought makes him cringe. He wishes he’d waited for Father’s Day. He had a speech planned. How sorry he was that he didn’t give Andy enough credit for being a parent alongside him, how he wants Andy to be a part of the family, how he feels like Andy helps everything slot into place. 

They made love last night and again this morning, and if the way Andy keeps talking in his ear is any indication, they’ll end up leaving the reception early to do more of the same. Sid gets what Andy means now about wanting to use the kid-free weekend to their advantage. He can’t remember the last time he woke up still wrapped around Andy without alarms for school or work going off. 

“Are you friends of the bride or the groom?”

Sid looks across the table at the couple sitting there. The rest of the table has gotten up to dance. 

“Bride,” Andy says. “We’ve been best friends for sixteen years. I’m Andy. This is Sid.”

“I’m Marissa, Piper’s cousin. My husband, Jack.” They look to be about the same age as Andy and Sid, although maybe not quite as laidback. 

Sid’s phone vibrates in his pocket. He pulls it out and looks at it. “It’s your mom,” he says. She’s texted him a picture of the kids passed out on her sofa. He texts her back and then shows the picture to Andy.

“She said she was going to take them to the zoo. They’re probably having the time of their lives getting spoiled.”

“Is your mom dog-sitting or something?” Marissa asks.

Sid blinks and shakes his head as though that will change her question. “I’m sorry?”

Andy lightly nudges him. “No,” he says, “she’s babysitting.”

“Oh.” Marissa looks confused.

“We have two kids,” Sid says. “The first time in over four years we’ve been away from them.”

“He’s not handling it well,” Andy jokes.

“You haven’t had a night away from them in four years?” Marissa looks mortified. “I think we had our first night away from our kids when they were about three months old. I can’t imagine.”

“My mom’s babysat before, but never overnight.”

“How old are they?”

“Nine and four,” Andy answers.

“So what do you do?” Marissa asks. She glances back and forth between Sid and Andy. 

“I work at the hospital with Piper.”

Marissa looks over at Sid. “What do you do for work?”

“I stay at home with the kids.”

Marissa’s eyebrows rise up in surprise. “Seriously?”

“You look surprised,” Sid challenges.

“It’s a little weird is all. Unconventional.”

“Sid’s amazing with kids,” Andy says. “It took a lot of convincing to get him to agree, but.” Andy shrugs. “He’s the best.”

Sid purposefully doesn’t look at Andy. Talking about staying home makes him anxious. He sometimes still second-guesses that decision, but he knows their kids are worth it. The DJ plays a slow song and Sid stands. He offers a hand to Andy.

“Let’s dance.”

Andy’s mouth drops. “Seriously?”

Sid nods. “Yeah, come on.”

Andy whimpers and stands up immediately and walks to the dance floor. Sid’s arms curl around Andy’s waist, and Andy’s arm wrap around his neck.

“You’ve never once danced with me. In six years. Even at Molly’s wedding, you danced with my mom and my sister, but not me.”

“That lady was starting to piss me off.”

“Some of Piper’s family are really conservative. She’s probably never met a stay-at-home-dad before. They probably have no idea how great you are at it. Better than most of the mommies you have to deal with in playgroup.”

“I dunno about that.”

“I do.”

“I’ll work more next year when Kaitlyn starts kindergarten.”

“No, you won’t. Keep working with James during the day so you can be home with them in the afternoons. Worry about working more when they’re out of the house.”

“You shouldn’t carry the financial burd—”

“Stop it,” Andy interrupts. He stops swaying to the music. “If you’re serious about getting married, then that means you have to stop worrying about money. We’ve been a family for years now – marriage helps solidify it. The money I make is for the family that _you’re_ part of. I don’t resent making more money than you, and honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if you and James keep flipping rental properties and end up making more money than I do. ”

Sid kisses him. “Okay,” he says. “Do we have to stay for cake?”

Andy laughs and nods. “Yes. Now that I finally got you out here dancing with me, I’m not going to let you stop!”

* * *

**Christmas Day: Six Years Ago**

Andy spends the next week texting and talking to Sid on the phone. Sid’s two days off from work are Mondays and Tuesdays. He’s always at the bar by the time Andy gets off shift, so they only get to talk during Andy’s breaks and text in between patients or customers. The couple days Andy had off last week, Kai was at Sid’s house and he didn’t think it was time for their paths to cross outside of the hospital.

“If you don’t stop looking at your phone, I’m going to throw it away,” Piper jokes.

“Yeah, yeah,” says Andy, pocketing it. “Just sucks to be here on Christmas Day when Sid’s actually off work for the entire day.”

“I hope you get laid soon.”

“You aren’t the only one. He has to kiss me first, though. That still hasn’t happened.”

“It will,” says Piper. “I feel it.”

“It would’ve happened last week if his stupid friends hadn’t shown up.” Andy sighs. “But they were really nice so I hate being mad at them, but they really ruined my evening.”

Piper grabs Andy by the shoulders and spins him around. Walking through the double doors from triage is Sid, with a plastic bag in his hands.

“Holy shit,” Andy breathes. A little louder he asks, “How’d you get through those doors?”

“Your triage nurse is old. Old ladies love me.”

“You flirted with Betty?” Piper asks. “You must’ve really wanted to see Andy.”

“It’s Christmas and you’re both here, which kind of sucks. The only place open was this Chinese place, so I got you both some egg rolls and chicken fried rice. Extra fortune cookies.”

“You came by to drop us off lunch?” Andy asks. “Seriously?”

“Is that bad?” Sid says it like it’s not really even a question.

Andy shakes his head. “No, it’s really nice.” 

“Sometimes I’m known to be nice.”

“I thought you were going to hang out with Kai all day.”

“I did this morning. He opened presents. Now I’m here. It’s really quiet, is that normal?”

“It’s been slow all day,” Piper says. “We only have one patient right now. Christmas is either jammed full of kids or it’s a ghost town. I’d rather it be like this, let the kids be happy and healthy with all their new toys.” Piper digs into the bag and starts pulling out containers of food. “I fucking love egg rolls.”

Andy looks down the hall. Piper is right: there’s only one patient, which means all the other rooms are empty. He takes Sid’s hand and pulls him to the room across from the nurse’s desk. He flips on the light, closes the door, and reaches up to tuck some of Sid’s hair behind his ear.

“I’ve wanted to do this for weeks,” he says, and pulls Sid to him.

Sid’s mouth is soft and warm and he’s immediately kissing back. He has a hand on Andy’s hip and another one right at the back of Andy’s neck. He pulls away and looks around the room. Then he’s got both hands on Andy’s hips and lifts him, setting him down on the small counterspace next to the sink. It’s barely big enough for Andy to sit, but it works well enough, and then Sid is back, his mouth on Andy’s, only now they’re at the same level.

“You’re too short,” Sid says, his mouth against Andy’s ear.

Andy braces a foot around the back of one of Sid’s knees and pulls him impossibly closer. “At least I’m small enough for you to manhandle.”

Sid makes a noise at the back of his throat, like a growl or a groan, and his hands are now underneath Andy’s shirt. His mouth makes it back to Andy’s, but he slows and somehow this is more intense than the hurried kisses. Andy’s fingers are tangled in Sid’s hair and he holds him in place. He likes how they lock together. 

“You should get back to work,” Sid says.

“Not yet.”

Everything about this feels huge and right and Andy tries not to think about the enormity of the feelings that are pressing against his chest. This is what got him into trouble the last time he was in a relationship. He doesn’t need that again, but this feels different – but maybe that’s hope making him feel this way.

Andy finally does pull all the way back, his head resting against the wall behind him. He evens his breathing, but keeps his foot behind Sid’s knee.

“You get off at five?” Sid asks.

Andy nods. “Meet me at my place at six?”

“I’ll be there.”

* * *

When he hears the knock at his front door, he’s just gotten out of the shower. His hair is wet and he barely dries off before throwing on a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Andy throws open the door and pulls Sid inside. 

“You look cold,” Andy says.

Sid unzips his coat and throws it over the back of the sofa. “It’s freezing outside.”

“You’re fifteen minutes early.”

“Patience isn’t one of my strengths.”

“Good to know.”

“This is where we stop talking.”

Andy grins as Sid kicks the door shut and grabs him by the hips. They kiss as eagerly as they did in the exam room, but this time when Sid picks him up, Andy wraps his legs around his waist. Sid walks him into his room and drops him onto the bed. He pulls away and quickly takes off his shoes and socks. He grabs the back of his long-sleeved t-shirt and pulls it over his head. Andy sits up on his elbows and tells Sid to hold on.

“What?”

“I want to look at you,” Andy says softly. On Sid’s left arm, his sleeve extends all the way up to his shoulder and creeps onto his chest. The sleeve on his right arm ends at the very top of his shoulder. He has another tattoo on his hip, peeking out from underneath his jeans. “What’s on your back?” Andy asks.

Sid laughs and turns. He has one tattoo on his left shoulder blade. “I didn’t come here to showcase my art to you.”

“You have anything else hidden?”

Sid nods. “Of course.” But instead of showing it to Andy, he kneels on the bed, hovering over him.

They kiss again, hard and deep. They break contact just long enough for Sid to get Andy’s t-shirt off, but instead of going back to his mouth, he kisses his jaw and then his shoulder. Andy’s skin has freckles and one small scar on his hip from falling off his bike when he was twelve. Otherwise he’s smooth, unblemished. Sid rubs his thumb across the scar and pauses as though studying it before placing a kiss on it. He rids Andy of his boxers and kisses between his thighs. 

Sid drags his mouth over Andy and takes him in. Andy touches the top of Sid’s head with one hand and pushes against the headboard with the other. He’s tense, he knows it, and Sid pulls away just long enough to tell him to “fucking relax.” Andy laughs and tries to loosen his muscles. 

Andy closes his eyes and allows himself to just _feel._ He tries to warn Sid that he’s going to come, but Sid takes all of him in. When he releases him, Andy laughs again, out of some sort of amazement that this just happened. Sid gets up and finishes undressing. He takes a condom out of his pocket and holds it between his fingers, showing it to Andy like a question.

“Yes,” he says, his voice cracking. He clears his throat and tries again. “Yes.”

Sid lays back down on the bed and goes to kiss Andy again, but Andy stops him and reaches over to open the drawer on his nightstand. He pulls out a small bottle and puts it into Sid’s hand. “You should use this,” he says. “On me.”

Something flashes in Sid’s eyes. Like hunger or want. Then he kisses Andy like a contradiction, hard but slow, deliberate and methodical but with a ravenous undertone, like he’s been starving and Andy is here to nourish him. Like he’s savoring every kiss, every touch, every inch. What he did to Andy before now feels like a warmup to the real show. Andy tries to match him, but he can’t, everything he feels is too much so he sits back and lets Sid take all the control. 

When Sid has readied him and is inside, he looks Andy and asks, “You good?” As soon as Andy nods, Sid begins to move. Andy moves his hips in sync and can’t help but claw at Sid’s back, almost as if trying to pull him in even closer. 

Andy suddenly laughs and Sid stops and looks at him in disbelief.

“Are you seriously laughing right now?”

“I can’t believe I’m having sex with Sidney Phillips from next door.”

“Ah, no, you can’t use my real name,” Sid says with a delirious laugh. “I hate my name.”

“Fine, fine, Sid Phillips from next door.”

“Well, I can’t believe the spelling bee champion is letting me fuck him.”

Andy laughs again and pulls Sid down by the back of his neck to kiss him. Sid pushes in harder, faster, and when he comes, he bites down on Andy’s bottom lip. Andy can feel how fast Sid’s heart is beating, but he doesn’t let him get up – not just yet. He kisses him again, somewhat lazily, and when his elbows begin to shake, Sid pulls out and turns over. 

He gets up and goes into Andy’s bathroom, presumably to clean up. He comes back with a hand towel that he hands to Andy. He lays down next to him and smirks.

“What?” Andy asks.

“Fucking Andy Davis,” Sid replies. “If I’d known way back when that you would grow up to be this cute and interesting, I might not of stolen all your toys.”

“I knew it! So much of my stuff went missing when I lived next door to you!”

“I was a misguided youth.”

Andy rolls his eyes. Then he says, “Merry Christmas.”

“This is already one of the better Christmases I’ve had.”

His tone is a little raw and Andy immediately realizes that Sid is probably being earnest. He frowns and studies Sid’s face.

“I brought home the leftover Chinese if you want some to fuel up for round two later.”

“Oh? There’s going to be a round two?” 

“Uh, yeah, that was way too fast.”

Sid turns to him and narrows his eyes. Andy laughs again.

“Not you – the whole thing. I bet you’re even better when you take your time. I don’t have to go to work tomorrow, so I have all night.”

“You can’t handle me all night,” Sid scoffs.

“Is that a challenge?”

“Definitely.”

* * *

Sid leaves the next morning after not nearly enough sleep, and Andy takes an extra-long shower to wash the smell of sex off his skin. He’s supposed to go to his mom’s house to exchange Christmas presents, but he can’t show up smelling like latex and KY. He sits on his bed, still wet and wrapped in a towel, and texts Piper some of the dirtier details that he knows will make her both cringe and laugh. She replies with _Andy+Sid, you guys are my new favorite ship! I’m gonna call you SANDY_.

Andy doesn’t hear from Sid for the rest of the day. He knows he has a shift that night at the bar so he sends him a message around nine that night, _Hope you’re having a good shift._ It takes over an hour before Sid replies with, _I wasn’t sure I’d hear from you. Work is fine._

This officially feels like the beginning of a new relationship and Andy is learning how to navigate it. _I wasn’t sure what to say. Last night was great. I want to see you again_. He tries to imagine what Sid’s face would look like reading his message. The response he gets is, _I’m off around one,_ so Andy types back, _Come over_.

Which is really how the first couple months of their relationship go. They cram in time together wherever their schedules allow. Sid climbs into bed with Andy sometime after midnight and occasionally Andy wakes up and other times he doesn’t, but he’ll find himself asleep on Sid’s shoulder when his alarm goes off the next day for work. Sid sleeps late so when Andy is off, he’ll wait until Sid wakes and they’ll go get lunch, maybe go rock climbing at the gym behind Sid’s apartment. If Andy has to get up early for work and Sid’s managed to wake him up for a round of sex at one a.m., Sid will bring him coffee the next day from the diner across the street, an apology for not letting him get any sleep the night before. As if Andy needs an apology. Piper has figured out their code and revels in it every time she sees a disposable cup next to the computer. 

Sometimes they hang out at PassGo with Racheal and James. Sometimes they invite Piper. It’s nearly March when Andy goes to the bar and finds both Piper and Sid already at a booth. He slides in next to Sid and looks at them both rather skeptically. It’s a rare night where they’re all off work at the same time. 

“I thought we were meeting at six,” he says.

“You were,” says Piper. “We’ve been here since five.”

“Do I want to know why?”

“Talking,” says Sid.

“About?”

“You, silly,” Piper answers. “You’re our favorite subject. And I’m so fucking happy that you finally have a boyfriend I like.”

Andy’s face heats. “I don’t – we haven’t.” He glances at Sid. “That’s not a conversation we’ve, you know, had.”

Piper rolls her eyes. “Whatever, Sandy. You two are absurd.”

Sid shrugs. “I don’t tend to define things.”

“See, there you go. He doesn’t define things.” Andy wants to throw up – and all over Piper for saying anything.

“But,” says Sid rather slowly, “I’m not sleeping with anyone else and I don’t have any plans to, so you can take that for what you will.”

Andy frowns. “Okay … but. What about me?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if I sleep with someone else?”

Sid rolls his eyes as though he knows what Andy is saying is absolute nonsense.

“Right, but _what if_ ,” Andy repeats.

“I’d hope you wouldn’t want to sleep with anyone else either, but I don’t own you.”

“I know you don’t, but—”

“But I trust you to tell me if you stop being interested in this and start being interested in someone else and you should trust me to do the same.”

“Wouldn’t it make you sad or mad if I did that, though? If you found out I was sleeping with someone else?”

“Yeah, but whether I have some bullshit ownership title on you or not isn’t going to make you suddenly not sleep with another guy.”

“It’s not ownership.”

“The term sounds like ownership.”

Andy sighs. “Whatever, you know I’m yours, so this whole conversation is crap. Where are the cheese fries?”

They continue to not define their relationship, which only bothers Andy intermittently. Whenever Hannah calls and asks to drop off Kai, Sid always says yes. He’ll ask Andy to leave or cancel their plans altogether. Andy knows Kai is important and it’s healthier for him to be with Sid than at home, but the longer he and Sid are together, the more real it becomes that he’s living on the outside of Sid’s life. He doesn’t need to see Kai right now, he knows they’ve only been doing this thing where they spend the night in each other’s beds for a couple months, but he wants to know that at some point there’s a plan for him to meet Kai as someone other than the nurse who helped give him an inhaler that one time. He has no idea how to talk to Sid about these things.

Other times he forgets that he’s upset. The way Sid curls around him late at night or brings him coffee during his shift. The way he pushes the hair off his forehead and kisses his temple when he thinks no one is looking. Or the way he always – _always_ – tells Andy how beautiful he is as they have sex. Instead, during these times, something seizes in Andy’s chest and threatens to burst.

Somehow, without him really noticing, Sid and Piper become friends. He doesn’t know how it happens, all he knows is that sometimes he’ll see Sid’s name pop up on Piper’s phone and she’ll laugh or smirk and then say, “Your boyfriend is hilarious.”

Andy will reply with, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

And Piper will always roll her eyes and say, “Yeah, right.”

In Sid’s phone instead of _Piper_ , he’s renamed her contact info _#1 Fan_. Or it’s more likely Piper stole his phone and did it on her own, but Sid hasn’t changed it. Andy is equal parts amused and jealous that they have this weird relationship of their own that he’s not a part of. He doesn’t know if Sid can read his mind, but a week later, he notices that his name has been changed to _#1 Boyfriend_. Maybe it was Piper, too, but he notices Sid hasn’t changed it. He’s equal parts amused and moved. He stops asking about defining their relationship, because he really thinks Sid has just done that for him.

* * *

**Saturday Night**

It’s almost time for cake when someone taps on a champagne glass to grab everyone’s attention. Sid and Andy are already back at their table, Sid with a glass of water and Andy with both of their flutes. Marissa has already asked why Sid isn’t drinking, which he shrugged in return and said he doesn’t like champagne. Andy seems ready to go back to their hotel, but Sid knows he’s beyond nervous about this Gentleman of Honor speech he’s supposed to give. Sid’s seen the notes that Andy has scribbled on a piece of paper in his cramped cursive, but Andy knows it by heart. 

Ryan’s best man stands and begins to deliver his speech. Sid supposes it’s funny, but Ryan has never really struct him as a fun sort of guy. Serious, loyal, faithful, yes. Athletic maybe. Smart, definitely. But not the kind of guy who has piles of funny stories from his fraternity years. Ryan is a doctor, seven years older than Piper, which Andy finds deliciously charming, and Piper initially refused to date him because he was a doctor and she found it too cliché. Sid isn’t sure what finally won her over, but he remembers the day Ryan showed up at PassGo and tried to play dominoes with them. He lost spectacularly, with a humored self-deprecation, and sometime after that, Piper began introducing him as her boyfriend.

The thing about his friendship with Piper is that it was always based on their mutual love for Andy. At the beginning, she made it clear that Andy was not someone who took things lightly and he needed someone who would take care of him – who would _want_ to take care of him. “Andy is so good,” she had said, “and he doesn’t always know when someone is taking advantage of him. So don’t be an asshole.” Sid loves how Piper keeps it real.

The other thing about Piper is that sometimes it feels like they’re the same person. She never had the drive to get married and after a pregnancy scare turned miscarriage, she’s never wanted children. Sid knows there’s a piece of that story missing that she’ll never tell him, but whatever emotional trauma resulted from that changed her personality forever. Andy doesn’t talk about it either and Sid has never really asked, but while Piper is fun and outgoing and full of laughter, there’s a separate part of her that is cold and standoffish. How Ryan managed to melt that part of her away, Sid may never know.

Now it’s Andy’s turn for the speech. He downs one of the champagne flutes and wipes his palms on his pant legs. Sid presses a hand against his lower back as he stands, a reminder that he’s right here next to him.

Andy clears his throat. Everyone turns and stares at him and Sid knows Andy is ready to die. Andy doesn’t necessarily have problems with people watching him, but this speech is so important to him, he’s been afraid for weeks that he’s going to fuck it all up. 

“For those of you who haven’t been keeping track, I’m Andy and I was the one who was very obviously not in a bridesmaid’s dress tonight, which should really be a relief for all of you because not only do I not look good in dresses, but Piper’s colors are pink and gold and I don’t look good in those either.

“Also for those of you who haven’t been keeping track, I call Piper my soulmate. There have been exactly three times in our lives where she’s absolutely wanted to murder me and yet I’m still alive and we’re still friends and I don’t think those things would be possible if she wasn’t put on this planet to be my best friend.

“Years ago I dated this guy – spoiler alert, I date guys – who was awful for me. It’s okay, I can talk about him, he’s not my date here tonight. And this was one of those guys who is selfish and changes you. Piper watched me morph into this completely different person and when she tried to fight for me, I pushed her away. But when that relationship was all over and I needed her, she was there for me, to pick up my pieces and put me back together. She refused to let me go back then because she knew I wasn’t happy and she fought for me to remember who I was.

“Years ago, but not quite as many as the first guy, I dated this guy who was perfect for me. It’s okay, I can talk about him, because I’m taking him home with me after the reception is over. And this was one of those guys who is selfless and changes you for the better. The kind of guy who takes your soul, washes it clean, and gives it back to you better than before without asking for anything in return. The kind of guy who is probably so pissed that I’m talking about him right now, too, because he does these things from the shadows. He doesn’t like being the center of attention. But Piper watched me morph into this new person, one who was happy and healthy, and she was ready for me to give her up for him. And she wouldn’t let me let him go. She made me fight for him even though she thought she might lose me to him in the process.

“And I think about those two different people she saw in me. The good Andy and the bad Andy, and how even though it might mean losing me, or losing a part of me, she was ready to let me go if it meant I would be happy. She didn’t lose all of me because she’s my soulmate and the cords that bind us are strong. They transcend husbands and boyfriends and fiancés. We’ll be best friends until we die – and honestly, if we get to be that old, I’ll definitely be Bea Arthur and she’ll definitely be Betty White and hopefully Ryan is okay with that.

“So, cheers to my best friend, who I am ready to let go to be happier than I’ve ever seen her before – and for those of you keeping track, is almost sixteen years of friendship.”

Andy promptly sits and downs the other glass of champagne while everyone claps. Piper jumps out of her seat, rushes over, and pulls Andy back up and hugs him. Sid can hear her crying into his shoulder.

“Oh my god, I fucking hate you,” she says through her tears. “You’re the worst. Do you have that on paper because I need to frame it.”

“I made some of it up.”

“Surely someone videoed it on their iPhone.”

“God, I hope not.”

Piper pulls away and sniffles. “I hate you so much.”

“I know. You can say a sappy speech at my wedding if you want.”

“You’d have to get engaged first.”

Andy shrugs and Sid rolls his eyes. He’d hoped that Andy would at least wait until Piper is back from her honeymoon to say anything to her, but Andy has never really been known as a good secret-keeper.

“Are you kidding me right now?”

Andy shakes his head and Piper pushes him out of the way and sits in his empty chair. She grabs Sid’s arm. 

“Are – you – kidding – me?” she says, enunciating each word. “I thought you were going to do it tomorrow.”

“You _knew_?” Andy cries.

“Of course I knew,” she says, keeping her eyes on Sid. “I seriously love you so much.” Her voice is so intense Sid is actually speechless. “I can’t believe you finally did it.”

“It’s not like I got down on one knee.”

“I know, but we’ve been talking about this for – god – like a year.”

Sid refuses to look up at Andy. “Yeah,” he says.

“I’m going to hug you now and then I’m going to go back to my table because, you know, my husband probably wants me to keep all the hugging to him. But I’m so happy for you. You know this is right.”

Sid nods. “Yeah,” he says again. He lets her hug him and then she stands and hugs Andy again. She grumbles something inaudible, which Sid is fairly sure is just a string of curse words, before going back to the table she’s sharing with Ryan. 

Andy sits back down and Sid almost doesn’t want to look at him.

“You’ve been talking to Piper about getting married for a _year_?”

Sid sighs. “Yes.”

“Are you – is this real life right now?”

“Look, I said yesterday I’m not good with words. Please don’t cry. Andy, Jesus, you know I can’t deal when you cry.”

Sid cups Andy’s face in his hands and swipes his thumbs across his cheekbones, wiping away the tears.

“These better be happy tears.”

Andy nods. “Yep.”

“Let’s get some cake and take it back to the room.”

Andy keeps nodding. 

Sid goes to stand, but Andy stops him. He pulls him back down to his chair. Sid isn’t sure what Andy is about to say, but then Andy’s mouth is on his.

* * *

**April: Over Five Years Ago**

Sid takes Andy with him the first time he goes back to his childhood home. Andy remembers the street, the other houses, and he feels a pang of nostalgia as he looks at the house he was born in. His old house still has a neatly trimmed front yard, a spring wreath on the front door, and one of those wooden signs next to it that says _Welcome_. Sid’s old house looks rough. The wood around the downstairs windows looks to be rotted and the shingles on the front porch are mostly missing. The outside is in need of a pressure-wash and the grass is over a foot high. The mailbox looks as though a bat bashed it in and is rusted shut. It’s tinier and sadder than Andy remembers.

“This place looks terrifying,” Andy says as he looks at it through the windshield of Sid’s truck.

“It looks just as I remember. You don’t have to be here, you know.”

“Of course I do.”

“This place. There’s nothing good here.”

“There’s you,” Andy says. 

Sid doesn’t respond. Instead he takes a deep breath and turns the truck off. “All right, let’s go.”

Andy follows Sid up the driveway and to the front door. Sid unlocks it and pushes it open, but he doesn’t walk inside. Andy loops his arm through Sid’s and holds him in place next to him. He doesn’t say anything and neither does Sid. This is probably the hardest part of their relationship – the quiet. They talk all the time and when they’re apart, they text. There’s always something to be said or a joke to be made. But it’s what they don’t talk about that’s beginning to become obvious. 

There’s parts of Sid that are hidden, that Andy isn’t sure he’ll ever get to see. There’s some darkness and sadness and maybe even anger that’s holed up inside him. Andy wants to know this part of him. He’s been falling for him for the last four months and he tries to hold himself back, but his own heart keeps betraying him. He’s ready to take all of Sid in, the good, the bad, and the dark – if only Sid would let him.

Andy wonders if all that darkness that Sid hides away is going to start to show itself in this house. He doesn’t remember much, but he has spliced together memories of a man shouting, a woman crying, and a little girl hiding behind the tree. A small Sid, mouth full of braces, slamming the back door and yelling at the sky and wiping away his own tears. He wants to tell Sid he remembers these things, but he’s afraid of pushing him away. 

“I can go first?” Andy suggests. When Sid doesn’t answer, he loosens his arm from Sid’s and takes his hand instead. He walks over the threshold and inside. He looks around and flips on a light switch. “Hey, the electricity is still on.”

He pulls Sid through the front door. Sid takes in a deep breath and says, “Holy shit.”

The house looks dirty. It has the distinct smell of something that’s been boxed up too long. Andy walks into the living room first. There’s a lopsided sofa sitting on top of brown carpet. The fireplace has wood nailed around it, probably a crude attempt to block cold air from coming through. Above it, a deer head is mounted to the wall. The blinds are open, but broken, and the ceiling fan has two blades missing. 

They walk through the rest of the house. The kitchen is even more of a disaster with broken cabinet doors and where the stove should be is an empty cardboard box instead. The tiles are loose and Andy is pretty sure there is something rotting in the fridge, but he’s not brave enough to open it to find out.

There’s stains all over the carpet and a hole in the wall on the stairwell. Sid hesitates at the top, looking down the hallway to where his old room is. Andy takes his hand again. 

“I remember your room,” he says. “You invited me to come play once, but you set fire to a book and I ran back home.”

“I know. I remember. I think I was seven.”

They go to Sid’s dad’s room first, which is empty. The connecting bathroom is filthy, mildew lurking in all the corners. Hannah’s old room has wood paneled walls painted pink, but the carpet is the same puke green that covers the rest of the upstairs. The door to Sid’s old room is closed and he opens it and goes inside. His body tenses and he shoves his hands in his jeans pockets as he looks around. 

Someone has torn all the posters off the walls; all that is left are corners trapped under pieces of clear tape. The furniture is also gone except for a wooden table that used to be Sid’s desk. An old trunk sits in the middle of the room, open and empty. There’s two holes in the drywall, several more stains on the carpet, and what is clearly a burn mark underneath the window. Sid closes the trunk and sits on top of it.

Andy kneels in front of him.

“Tell me,” he says. “There’s something more than just a house here.”

Sid runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head. “I didn’t grow up very happy,” he says. “So, you know, this place isn’t ideal.”

“Then don’t move back. Sell it.”

“I can’t. It’s not in my name.”

“Have your dad sign it over or something.”

“It’s not in my dad’s name either. This is my mom’s house.”

“Do you know where she is?”

Sid shakes his head. “I’m sure if I tried, I could find her, but I don’t want to. The house is paid for. I’d only have to pay for utilities and the taxes. I need to find a job that isn’t the night shift somewhere, but I know I can’t make as much as I do in tips at Shaken. I need someplace that I can afford.”

“We can paint, rip up the carpet. Well, clean first. This place is really gross. But we can change it. Get rid of all the bad vibes.”

“You gonna help me paint?”

Andy nods. “That shouldn’t even be a question.”

“Maybe,” says Sid. “It would cost a lot to fix up.”

“We can do a lot ourselves.”

“This doesn’t have to be your project. None of this is your problem. Kai … the bad memories here … you don’t have to deal with any of that.”

“Sure, but I want to. Why don’t you want me to be part of your life?”

“I see you almost every day. You’re a part of my life.”

“I’m part of what you want me to be part of. You don’t let me know the deeper parts of you. I don’t get to know the Sid who plays Uno with his nephew or who has secrets about his mom. That Sid is a stranger to me.”

“No one needs to know that side of me.”

“Of course I do,” says Andy. “Those things help make you who you are – and in case you didn’t realize, I’m really into you. Nothing you tell me is going to scare me.”

“It’s not a matter of scaring you,” says Sid. He sighs and stands up. “If you want to know some things, I’ll tell you about this room.”

“Please.” Andy takes the seat on the trunk and watches Sid walk around the empty bedroom.

“This,” says Sid, pointing to the scorch mark on the carpet. “I was fourteen I think. I was smoking. I had this girl in here. It was eighth grade. No one was home. I hadn’t actually seen my father in almost a week and my mom – she’d been gone a while by then. We were smoking cigarettes and making out. I remember cutting last period and getting an older dude at the gas station to buy us cigarettes. We left one burning and it caught a magazine on fire. We weren’t paying attention because we were – you know – having sex—”

“In eighth grade?” Andy can’t help but interrupt.

“Yes. I didn’t know what I was doing and she sure as shit didn’t know. It was weird and after she left and I threw up. She told some of her friends, who told some of my friends, and then everyone knew what had happened and all the guys at school thought I was this big shot, but really I didn’t want to do it again. I didn’t like it. I mean, I _did_ , but I couldn’t handle it.” Sid puts his hands on his hips and sighs. “It’s a really weird thing when you’re left alone. It’s like you’re an adult because you have to get yourself up to go to school and make yourself dinner and if you’re lucky and your dad’s left you some money, you can go to the gas station and buy food. But all the decisions are yours. Whether to shower or brush your teeth. And then you have to decide whether you’re going to buy food or laundry detergent because you know your clothes are starting to really smell, but there’s nothing in the laundry room.”

Andy swallows. His mouth feels thick and his eyes begin to sting.

“So when you’re this adult but also still very much a kid still, too, you don’t know how to make decisions. I decided I wanted to have sex with Blanca Diaz, but really I was also deciding to have twinkies for dinner. I didn’t know what I was deciding to do.”

“When was the next time you did it? You were sleeping with Lindsey DiMarco in high school.”

“Sophomore year. Seventeen. The second year I was a sophomore.” 

“It was better then, I’m guessing?”

“I was different, those three years made me much older. It wasn’t overwhelming anymore and was fun instead.” Sid drops his hands from his hips and cross the room. He touches a hole in the wall near where his bed used to be. “This was me. I punched the wall here.”

“Why?” asks Andy, his voice small. 

“My mom.”

Andy stills. Sid never talks about his mom and he’ll ignore it whenever Andy asks, acts as though he never even hears the question.

“My dad drank continuously. I don’t really know what he was like sober. He barely held down a job. Most of the time he did odd jobs here and there if a buddy of his found work. He slept most of the time in this huge leather armchair he had. He’d watch TV and drink. He’d forget to eat sometimes. My mom had the money. She was in a car accident when we were little, got a big settlement. She was fine before that, but the accident – she started taking pain pills which took over her life. 

“I knew she was doing other stuff. I found a pipe once, and not the kind you use to smoke weed. And I found a bag full of it another time. She used the settlement money to pay for the house and her and my dad’s cars. There should’ve been enough for us to live comfortable for a while. She spent all of it.

“I skipped school one day. My dad was gone for a week doing some job in Illinois with one of his friends. I saw her – my mom. She came back to the house. She didn’t know I was still here. She had two guys with her. I listened and I saw—” Sid pauses and clears his throat. “She was doing whatever it took to get high,” he says instead.

Andy nods, understanding.

“I was eleven, I guess. I can’t remember. I punched the wall, here.” He touches the hole again. “She left after that. She said goodbye, though. She said she had to leave because she didn’t trust herself not to let those guys use me or Hannah in exchange for whatever they were giving her. Heroin, I think. I knew what she meant, even back then. It’s the most selfless thing she ever did for me.”

Andy has no idea what to say.

“These things – my life – this place was never healthy for me. I dunno if it’s even a good idea for me to be here again.”

“There’s no shame in not staying if it’s not best for you,” Andy says, “but you do have the power to change your own narrative and rewrite your story. This is just a house and you can change what it means to live here by what you fill it with. Paint it, change the carpet, make it new. Give Kai a room. Make it into a place he wants to come home to where he feels safe. Make it into something you never had.”

Andy gets up and puts his arms around Sid’s neck. He looks him straight in the eye. “Nothing you’ve said scares me. It makes me sad, but it helps me understand you better. All I want is to know you.”

“My stories are fucked-up. You won spelling bees, I set fires in my room with cigarettes.”

“I don’t want you to stop telling me stories.”

Sid just looks at Andy as though studying his face.

“I want you to want to keep me around for a while. I hope you do.”

“What makes you think I don’t?”

Andy shrugs. “Sometimes it feels I’m on the outside of your life. Like I said before, I don’t know the full picture of Sid Phillips. I know the parts you let me get to know, and I want to know all of you.”

“I plan on keeping you around for a while,” Sid says.

“For how long?” Andy challenges.

“Until you decide to leave, I guess.”

Andy blinks slowly. “And … if I don’t leave you?”

Sid shrugs.

Andy wants to shout at him; he says these things without even knowing what they sound like. Instead Andy falls a little bit more in love with him. He releases his arms and asks Sid if he wants to go to Home Depot to find paint.

* * *

They end up picking up paint and paint supplies, wallpaper remover, more cleaning supplies than Andy has ever seen before, and a lawnmower. The cashier asks them if they just moved in together and Sid looks a little surprised by the question. He puts everything on his card and they load it all into the back of his truck. Back at the house, Andy helps him clean. It’s gross and everything has a layer of dirt and dust inches thick. It takes a few days to get everything clean.

Once the grime has been removed, they begin painting. Sid doesn’t care if paint gets on the floor because he plans on ripping all the carpet up anyway. All the rooms get a fresh coat of gray and the room that will be Kai’s is green. The bathrooms get a coat of blue and Sid replaces all the toilets and showerheads. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do about the kitchen; appliances weren’t in his budget. Andy helps him sand and paint the cabinets, though, which helps. When it’s time for the yard, it takes Sid an entire day to get the lawn cut back down to normal and when Andy comes over after work, Sid is sweaty and dirty, but looks strangely pleased with himself.

“It looks good,” Andy says. “It looks like a different yard.”

The neighbor from the other side of Sid’s house comes outside. He waves and walks over. Sid tenses; he isn’t usually a big fan of people. The guy is big, tall and overweight, and his hair is thinning. He has on a wedding ring that might be cutting off circulation to his finger and a polo shirt tucked into a pair of jeans. There’s a minivan in the driveway and two bicycles on their sides by the front door. 

“Hey,” the guy says. He holds out his hand to Sid. “I’m Dwayne. You moving’ in or flippin’ it?”

“Moving in,” says Sid.

“I didn’t know it was up for sale. Thanks for taking care of the forest that was growin’. The last family who lived here destroyed the place.”

Sid doesn’t answer.

“I’m Andy.” He extends his hand to Dwayne. “This is Sid.”

“I gotcha, I gotcha. You movin’ in, too?”

Andy shakes his head. “No, I’m only here to help.”

“It’d be okay if you were. We don’t care around here or nothin’.”

“That’s good to know,” says Andy. He nudges Sid who remains quiet.

“Ah, all right, then. If you need anything for the yard I got everythin’. Weed whacker and edge trimmer. My oldest is fifteen and will cut the grass, too, for cheap. Tryin’ to get him to earn some money and stop spendin’ mine.”

“Oh that would be great,” says Andy. “He works a lot.” He points his thumb at Sid.

“Once you’ve settled in, come on over. My wife loves cookin’ for people. Don’t be a stranger. We all know each other on this street.”

“That’s a change,” Sid says. 

“What you mean?”

“I grew up here.”

“I don’t remember you.”

“Moved out ten years ago.”

“Ah,” says Dwayne with a small nod of his head, “we’ve only been here for eight. Anyway, last few years it’s been a good street.” He holds out his hand to Sid again. “You two have a good night.”

Andy elbows him and Sid reaches his hand back out. Dwayne nods to Andy and walks over the grass again back to his own house. 

“You should be nice to the neighbors,” Andy says. “You never know when you might need their help with something.”

“Right. I gotta shower. James is coming by to fix the air conditioner for me in thirty minutes.”

The house comes together over the next month, with lots of help from James, and Sid officially moves in at the beginning of May. He rents a U-Haul and both Andy and James help move all his things over to the house. Thankfully Sid doesn’t have many boxes, but all his furniture weighs a ton.

“That’s because I bought it all at thrift stores,” he says. “Old furniture was built with real wood, heavy stuff.”

Andy wipes sweat off his forehead and says, “How about I get all the stuff in your room?”

James picks up the other end of Sid’s kitchen table. “Good idea. You’re kind of small.” To Sid he says, “Ready when you are.”

Andy frowns, unsure if what James says is merely an observation or an insult. He watches them navigate the table through the front door and outside towards the truck. Andy goes into Sid’s room and picks up the dispenser of packing tape and begins to close-up the boxes Sid packed the night before. He’s on box four when something inside Sid’s closet catches Andy’s eye. He puts down the tape and goes to the half-open door. He opens it all the way and pauses.

“Huh,” he says aloud, in disbelief. He hears Sid’s footsteps behind him and he turns around slowly. Sid looks past him into the closet and grimaces. “You play this?” Andy asks.

“Don’t make a big deal about it.”

Andy’s eyes widen. “Seriously? You have a guitar case in the closet. We’ve been together five months and I didn’t know you played.”

“I mean … I don’t. Not really. Sometimes.”

“You literally just gave me three different answers.”

Sid makes another face. “I know how to play, but I don’t like playing for other people. It’s – can we actually talk about this later?”

James walks in, wiping his face with the bottom of his t-shirt. “What’s next?” He eyes the boxes. “You need help with those, too?”

Andy’s frown deepens. “No, I can do it. I’m short, not incapable.”

James raises his hands. “You said it, not me.”

Sid turns around slowly to face James. “Just go get the kitchen chairs, please.” 

“I came to work, not stand around.”

Andy can’t see Sid’s face, but James rolls his eyes and mumbles something under his breath as he leaves the room.

When they’re alone in the room again, Andy says, “Why does he hate me?”

“He doesn’t hate you,” Sid replies as he turns towards him again.

“He certainly doesn’t like me.”

Sid puts his hands on Andy’s shoulders. “We can talk about the guitar after we move all my crap. And as far as James, he takes a while to warm up to people. I’ve known him for a long time, he’s like this with everyone. Don’t let it get to you.”

Andy is skeptical but he nods. “Yeah, okay.”

“He’s not my Piper,” Sid says quickly.

“What does that mean?”

Sid drops his hands. “Would you be here if Piper hated me?”

“I’ve done that before – been with someone Piper hated,” Andy answers, “and it wasn’t good. I’d probably listen to her.”

“Right. But if James doesn’t like you, that’s his problem, not yours, and not mine. He’s my best friend, but we aren’t as close as you and Piper.”

“Oh,” Andy says quietly. “Okay.”

Sid takes Andy’s face in his hands and kisses him softly. “So chill the fuck out,” he says against his lips. He pulls further away. “You got the boxes?”

“Yeah, yeah, I got them.” Andy pushes Sid away playfully. He sees James through the doorway; he has a chair in his hands but is watching them. He’s sure they were talking too low for James to have overheard, but when he catches Andy’s eye, he turns and leaves the apartment. Andy shrugs it off and grabs a box to take to the moving truck.

It doesn’t take them much longer to empty the apartment. When everything is packed neatly in the back of the truck, Sid gives his old place one final glance before closing the door behind him. It’s a short drive to their childhood street, but another three and a half hours to get all of Sid’s stuff out of the back of the truck. Originally Sid offered James dinner and beer to help him move, but by the time they’re done, James says he’s going home to Rachael.

Sid showers first and then finds the box with the packed sheets and throws them on his mattress while Andy showers and gets cleaned up. When he emerges from the bathroom, Sid’s mattress is on the floor and he’s on top of it, looking exhausted. Andy goes to his overnight bag and pulls out a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Once he’s mostly dressed, he lays down next to Sid. He wants to ask so many questions, but he lets the silence settle over them both. 

“Are you hungry?” Andy finally asks. It’s not really what he wants to talk about, but his stomach feels a little empty, and if they’re not going to eat he could probably fall asleep instead.

“I ordered a pizza while you were in the shower,” says Sid.

“Perfect.”

They’re quiet again and Andy wonders how many minutes have passed when Sid speaks up. 

“I like that you’re shorter than me,” he says.

“Uh, okay.”

Sid turns his head. “James was kind of an ass. I saw it. I’m not blind.”

“He acts like he’s jealous. Which is ridiculous since he’s married. He should understand that you’re, you know, in a relationship.”

“I’ve always been available to him in the past. Now I’m not.”

“I guess.”

The doorbell rings and Sid groans. Andy knows his muscles must be sore from all the moving, so he gets up to downstairs. His arms and legs will feel it tomorrow, but right now he’s not in as bad of shape as Sid. He signs the receipt for the pizza and thanks the driver. He takes it into the kitchen and sets it down on the table. Sid shuffles in and sits down.

“I can’t remember what I even ordered.”

Andy lifts the lid of the box. “Looks like mushrooms and green peppers. My favorite.” He grabs a slice and takes a large bite. “We don’t have anything to drink.”

“There’s bottles of water.” Sid points to an open box on the kitchen counter.

Andy gets up and grabs two ambient waters. When he sits back down, Sid has already devoured one piece and is starting on his second. 

“So,” Andy says, “should we talk about the secrets you keep from me or are we going to pretend the guitar is just a giant paper weight?”

Sid lets out a short laugh. “God, you’re ridiculous.” He shoves the rest of the pizza in his mouth and chews, a thoughtful expression on his face. He swallows and follows it with a long drink from his water bottle. 

“Well,” he says, “I guess it was a secret. I don’t play it for people.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me, though? I wouldn’t have demanded you give me a concert or anything.”

“Not right away, but one day you’d want to hear it.”

“What’s so bad about that?”

Sid’s eyes focus somewhere behind Andy. “My mom bought it for me when I was in middle school but I didn’t start learning until high school. I thought playing guitar would get me lots of girls.”

“Did it?”

“I took guitar as a class freshman year, but then we had to do a concert at the end of the semester and I pretended I was sick and almost failed the class because that concert was supposed to be our final exam. Anyway. I don’t like being the center of attention. And playing ended up being an escape.”

“From what?”

“Life here. When I’d teach myself a song, I could focus on that and forget how shitty living in this house was.” Sid sits forward in his chair and leans closer to Andy. “I haven’t played for anyone since high school. None of my girlfriends ever heard me, so please don’t try to make it a challenge or anything.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Andy says. “I’m just glad you trusted me with the story of it. I told you before, I want to learn all about you, but there’s so much you keep hidden away.”

“Hidden from everyone, not only you.”

Andy wants to press further, but he keeps his mouth closed. Instead he smiles and hands Sid another piece of pizza. 

The next day Andy goes with Sid to Ikea to buy a bed and sheets for the spare bedroom. Sid doesn’t want to put too much stuff in there because he’s afraid it’ll jinx Kai ever coming to stay with him permanently, although it seems once Hannah finds out Kai has his own room she starts relying on Sid to watch him more than ever before. Sid continues to cancel seeing Andy whenever Kai is over and Andy gets more and more agitated about it. 

“You know,” Andy snaps one night over the phone, “he has his own bedroom now. I could still come over after he goes to sleep instead of going three days without seeing you.”

“He doesn’t need to wake up and see you here.”

“Why not? What’s so bad about that?”

“He doesn’t need to get attached to you. He already goes back and forth between my place and Hannah’s. There’s enough chaos in his life.”

“Nothing about me is chaotic.”

“He already knows his mom isn’t trustworthy. He doesn’t need to spend time with you and then one day you’re taken away from him. He needs to grow up knowing he can trust people.”

“Where would I be going?”

Sid is quiet. 

“You mean if we break up?”

Sid doesn’t answer.

“What the _fuck_ , Sid? I’m too old to be playing games. If you don’t want to keep me around, then what is the point of any of this?”

“I don’t know,” says Sid uselessly. He sighs loudly. “I don’t know what to tell you.”

“When you figure it out, you can let me know. I’m hanging up now.”

Andy ends up at Piper’s apartment forty minutes later and she sits him down on her sofa with a glass of wine. She sits on the other side of the couch and listens while she sips on her white. When Andy asks, “What do you think?” she takes a deep breath and looks off into space. It takes her a few minutes to answer.

“I think you guys do a terrible job of talking to each other,” she says at last. “Like you guys probably should’ve been having these kinds of conversations before now.”

“It’s so early, though. We haven’t been together long.”

“Six months,” says Piper. “Long enough to figure some of this shit out.”

“Whatever.”

“Does Sid know you’ve told me about what his life was like as a kid? The drugs and drinking and stuff?”

Andy shakes his head. “No.”

“So think about his life as a kid. Left alone for days at a time, his mom left them, his dad ignored him. He didn’t have anything positive. So now he has this kid in his life, and a kid who he thinks might be around permanently, and he has this guy in his life who might _not_ be around permanently – and I say that because relationships don’t always last. Why should he trust this one will? His parents didn’t stay together. Your parents didn’t stay together. His sister is a single mom. He’s the most stable person in his own life.”

“Okay,” says Andy, “but—”

“But I also understand why you’re upset,” Piper finishes, “except instead of getting this mad, maybe talk it out with him. Six months in and you should probably have an idea of what you want out of whatever it is that you’re doing together.”

“You’re supposed to be one-hundred percent on my side, you know. You’re my best friend.”

“Nope,” says Piper. “If I was always on your side, I wouldn’t be a very good friend.”

Andy grumbles. “I thought he was different.”

“Different than what?”

“Trevor.”

Piper lets out a noise that sounds like a muffled scream. She sits up and leans towards Andy and puts her glass on the table with so much force he’s surprised it didn’t shatter. 

“Listen to me,” she says, “Sid is absolutely nothing like Trevor. That asshole didn’t want you happy, he wanted you under his own conditions. If you guys had moved in together, oh my god, you would have disappeared forever. You would’ve ceased to be the Andy I know.”

“Sid wants me under his own conditions.”

“No, he doesn’t. Outside of Kai, he makes no demands of you. When you want to go out with me alone, he tells you to have fun. He doesn’t call our text you while we’re gone. He doesn’t care where you work, he doesn’t care if you pick up extra shifts. He introduces you to his friends and he hangs out with your friends. He literally fits into your fucking life perfectly. I have no idea why you can’t see that. What about him don’t you trust?”

“I don’t know. It feels like he won’t let me in.”

“He does though, doesn’t he? A little bit at a time? I really hope when you said _I’m hanging up on you_ it wasn’t code for _I’m breaking up with you_ , because I will not let you do that.”

“I don’t think you can actually—”

“You want to try me?” Piper raises her eyebrows.

“No.”

Her voice softens. “So, then, please tell me what the problem is.”

“I – I don’t know. I guess – god, if I say it out loud it sounds so stupid.”

Piper grabs her glass and settles back into the sofa. “You might as well go ahead and say it. Is this only about Kai?”

“I just – I want to know that when we hang out with his friends it’s because I’m his boyfriend, because he wants me integrated into his life. I want to know that there’s something to look forward to with him. And Kai, I like kids, so it kind of hurts he doesn’t want me around him, but I could maybe deal if I knew what was going on inside his head.”

“Then tell him that.” Piper takes a sip of her wine. “I really should be charging you for these therapy sessions.”

“You really think Sid is good for me?”

She sniggers. “Andy. Seriously. I’ve never seen you so happy as when you talk about him – except for right now, obviously. And you seem happy whenever you’re around him. I can’t speak for him, but the way he looks at you.” She shivers. “I’d give anything for someone to look at me like that.”

Andy ponders this. 

Piper’s phone vibrates against the coffee table. She looks at it. “Speak of the fucking devil,” she says. 

“Don’t answer – ugh, you already did. _Don’t tell him I’m here_.”

Piper waves a hand as though shooing him away. “What’s up, buttercup?” She downs the rest of her wine and gets up. Andy watches her walk into her kitchen. “Uh huh … uh huh … well, give me a second and I’ll answer that … no, trying to open a new bottle of wine … no, I’m not drunk …” Piper comes back into the living room and fills her wine glass. She tops off Andy’s before placing the bottle on the coffee table. She picks up her glass and slides open the door to her balcony and walks outside. She closes it behind her, effectively rendering Andy deaf to the conversation. 

He takes his own phone out of his pocket. He doesn’t have any missed calls or texts from Sid, which is crap. He calls Piper but doesn’t call him. Andy sighs. He opens up Facebook and scrolls through posts. He hasn’t been on the app in weeks, but he sees a friend request notification at the bottom. He opens it and almost laughs. Sid Phillips wants to be his friend. It only took six months for them to get to this point, where they could be friends on social media. The friend request is only a week old. Andy accepts and goes to Sid’s profile. There’s not much there; it doesn’t look like Sid ever posts. On his birthday his profile is flooded with messages, but otherwise there’s not much. 

When he looks at the basic info, everything that he already knows is there. Name, Sid Phillips. Hometown, Chagrin Falls. Work, Shaken. Nothing for education, political views, or religion. Under relationships, everything is blank. Andy supposes this is better than seeing _single_. Of course, his own profile doesn’t have any of this information either, but because he’s never fully felt confident on where they stand to put anything definitive down. It has never crossed his mind that maybe Sid feels the same way. 

Piper comes back inside as she’s saying goodbye to Sid. She ends the call and puts her phone back on the coffee table.

“What was that about?” Andy asks innocently.

“You.”

“Did you yell at him, too?”

“Of course I did.”

Andy frowns but nods. “At least you’re consistent.”

“You should go see him. Hash it out.”

“He knows where to find me.”

“Except if he has Kai at his house, he can’t leave him alone there to go to your apartment. Make the effort.”

“He doesn’t want me around Kai.”

“So wait for, like, nine o’clock or whenever he goes to bed. But no more wine. You won’t be able to drive over there.” She takes the wine glass out of Andy’s hand and drinks it. “I’ll wait for you to sober up. You want to watch _Sex and the City_ or _Queer as Folk_?”

* * *

He waits until nine-thirty and then drives to Sid’s house. He parks in the driveway behind his truck, but doesn’t get out immediately. He cuts off the car and takes a deep breath. When he finally gets out and shuts the door, he sees Sid standing outside the front door, leaning against the column of his front porch. His arms are crossed, but he doesn’t look mad. He looks pensive and maybe even a little apprehensive.

Andy walks up to him, but stops three steps away. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“I know Kai is here, but I didn’t want to call. I can go if—”

“No, come on.”

Andy follows Sid into the house. Sid must have finished ripping up the carpet downstairs. There’s hardwood underneath and even though there’s glue and some nails along the sides where the carpet was adhered to the floor, it doesn’t look too bad. Andy’s impressed.

Sid gestures for Andy to sit on the couch, but Andy stays standing. Sid doesn’t sit either. It’s awkward and unnatural and Andy has no idea where to even begin. It looks as though Sid cleaned, which is what he does whenever he’s stressed, but Andy also notices Sid’s guitar, leaning up against the fireplace. He stares at it, wondering if this is something Sid needed an escape from.

“I’m sorry I hung up on you,” Andy says.

Sid shrugs. “I’m sorry I made you mad.”

“I’m twenty-seven,” says Andy, building up fake confidence to set all his cards on the table for Sid. “I don’t want to casually sleep around anymore. I want to be with someone for, you know, the long haul.” He takes a deep breath. “And it feels like you’re in a different place than me so I got mad about it. I don’t need to hang out with Kai every day. I don’t really even need to meet him right now. I need to know that you want that to happen at some point in the future. That you want me around for a while. I thought you did, but … it doesn’t really seem that way lately. And if you don’t, it’s okay, but I want to know either way.”

Sid sits on the couch and puts his head in his hands. He rubs his eyes, which he does whenever he’s thinking hard about the answer to something. When he drops his hands and looks up at Andy he says, “I don’t really talk a lot about stuff like this. I don’t like it.”

“You don’t like which part?”

“The talking part.”

“I need it, though,” says Andy. 

“I want you around,” says Sid simply. “I know I’ve said it before, so I thought you believed me.”

“I don’t know,” Andy says. 

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know!” Andy snaps. “Am I wasting my time here? Do you _actually_ want me around?”

“Yes.”

“Then act like it!”

“I don’t know how I’m not!” Sid snaps back. “Maybe you’re not being clear enough. What do you want me to say?”

“Why can’t I come over when Kai is here?”

“I already told you why.”

“I think that’s crap.”

“I have no idea how to give him a good childhood,” Sid says. “I know that growing up, everyone I thought I could count on ended up fucking me over. Grandparents didn’t want anything to do with me. My mom’s sister wouldn’t return my calls after my mom left. I had no one. I don’t want Kai to ever have to depend on someone who might not always be there. People left me. I was never important to anyone. My childhood wasn’t like yours.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m sure Santa brought you presents every Christmas.”

“Well, yeah, of course.”

“He never brought me anything,” says Sid. “My parents didn’t tell me he wasn’t real so I grew up thinking I didn’t get anything because I wasn’t good. Bad kids don’t get presents from Santa. You gotta be on the nice list. I never made the cut. Hannah didn’t buy Kai anything for Christmas last year. I had to go out Christmas Eve and buy whatever was left on the shelves just to make sure he didn’t wake up and think that about himself.”

Andy shakes his head in disbelief. “Oh my god.”

“Look, I know I’m not giving you whatever it is you want, but I have no idea how to do this parenting thing, and the kid is over here at least half the week. I’m doing my best to give him whatever I can. I’d rather him have your childhood than mine.”

“You know,” Andy says slowly, “my dad used to tell me he loved me every day. We’d go out for ice cream every Friday night after dinner, even if it was winter, and then when I was seven and Molly was still a newborn, he left. He walked out and never said goodbye. Vanished. I never got a phone call or a letter. That’s why we moved. My mom couldn’t afford the house next door anymore. I think it was too sad for her, too. And you know where he is now? Living in Florida with his new wife and three kids. I have two sisters and a brother I’ve never met. I thought he was going to be around forever and then he wasn’t. I thought Trevor was going to be around forever and then he wasn’t. I hoped you were going to be around forever and then – and then I don’t know. I feel like I don’t know where I stand and I keep thinking that there must be something about me that makes it difficult to love me or else everyone would stay.”

“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” Sid leans forward and reaches for Andy’s hand. He pulls him closer. “Andy, look at me. You make it easy to love you.”

Andy shakes his head. He doesn’t want Sid to touch him. He feels as though he might cry and he doesn’t want to cry in front of Sid. He sits on top of the Sid’s coffee table.

“Look at me.”

Andy does.

“You make it easy to love you,” Sid says again.

He shakes his head again.

“Those people who left you? Fuck them. They don’t matter. You want me to spell everything out for you?” Sid takes a deep breath as though steadying himself. “I hate talking about this stuff, just so we’re clear. But. I do think ahead. I think beyond next week. I think about asking you to fill the empty drawer in my dresser with extra scrubs and boxers so you can stop bringing over an overnight bag when you stay. I think even further than that and about where you would hang your clothes in my closet or if we’d share the same tube of toothpaste. I’ve never done these things with anyone else so I don’t know how it’s supposed to go. And I don’t know how these things fit in to a life with Kai.”

Andy is afraid to blink because he knows if he does it’ll make the tears that are pooling in the bottoms of his eyes fall. 

“Here, look.” Sid shows Andy his arm. “What do you see?”

“Your tattoos?”

“No, look here.” He points to the tattoo of a songbird on his forearm. It’s colorful with thick black outlines. It matches everything else on his arm, bright colors in between black lines. “The eye.”

“Oh, yeah,” says Andy, looking closer. “It’s uneven.” He touches it. “That’s weird.”

“It covers up a scar my dad gave me. He liked to put his cigarettes out on me when he was angry.”

“What!” Andy cries. He grabs Sid’s arm and pulls it to him. He runs his hands over his skin. He’s done this before, but never so carefully or slowly. He sees it now, like a magic eye puzzle, hidden until he knew how to look. His tattoos were always in sync with each other, but now they tell a greater story. “I can’t believe this.”

“I just need Kai to know that someone in his life thinks he’s the most important thing in the world.”

Andy nods, starting to understand.

“I want you to fit into my life, but I don’t know how to do that. Maybe you coming over when Kai’s asleep is okay. I don’t know about you meeting him. Not yet. But one day, yes.”

“Okay,” Andy says softly. “That’s all I needed to know.”

“Is that what you want, too?”

“Yes,” Andy says, his voice now a whisper. “I want to hang my clothes in your closet.”

Sid is quiet. He watches as Andy continues to run his fingers over each of his hidden scars. “Are there places on your back, too?”

Sid pulls back a little and takes off his t-shirt. He turns just enough for Andy to look at his tattoo. Andy sits on the sofa, right next to him. The scars on his back aren’t circular like the ones on his arms. These are lines. Andy touches them carefully, barely the ghost of his fingers as if the scars may still hurt. He reaches for Sid’s belt and undoes it. The button and fly go next and he’s helping Sid pull his jeans down. Andy palms the large tattoo on Sid’s thigh. He always thought it felt weird, but now he’s looking at it with new eyes. 

“This one—”

“It’s a burn,” says Sid.

“From what?”

“Water.”

“How does water burn? Wait. You mean like boiling water?”

Sid shrugs.

Andy can’t help it, a few tears fall from his eyes. “When you left here, you were eighteen?”

“It was my birthday,” says Sid. “I tried a couple times before, but my dad reported me as a runaway and I had to come back.”

“Oh my god.”

“At eighteen, he couldn’t make me stay.”

“Jesus, Sid.”

“That’s why I really started playing guitar.” Sid’s eyes look past Andy for a moment, at the guitar by the fireplace, and then back again. “When my dad smacked me around, I would go to my room and just play. I could shut my brain off and put all my energy into something else. I never cried or anything. I’d hold it all in until I could play something and that would make it better. When I concentrate on learning a song I don’t have to think of anything else.”

“You played tonight?”

“A little bit, yeah.”

“Why?” Andy holds his breath, waiting for Sid’s answer.

“Because I was really upset and I didn’t want to think about you.”

Andy doesn’t know whether to be flattered or insulted, so he decides on the former. “Does anyone else know about the tattoos?”

“No. No one.”

Andy does cry now. “I’m sorry I unloaded my crap onto you about my dad. It’s nothing compared to yours. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t,” says Sid, a strange sternness to his voice. “Your dad fucked you up a little bit, too. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.”

Andy lets out a small laugh. “Yeah, I guess.”

“I’m sorry yours made you feel like you’re unlovable or something. It’s not true. I love you. I’ve pretty much been in love with you for a while now.”

Andy feels more tears. He feels so pathetic.

Sid’s hands are on Andy’s face, trying to brush away the tears. “You have to stop,” he says with a laugh. “You’re so ridiculous.” The words sound rather fond, though.

“Now they’re happy tears,” says Andy a little defensively. “I’m not good at holding my emotions in.”

“I can tell.”

“I love you, too,” Andy says.

“I know,” Sid replies. “Like you said, you don’t hold emotion in well.” He stands and pulls his jeans back up around his hips. He extends a hand to Andy. “Come on. Kai’s usually a pretty heavy sleeper.”

Andy lets Sid pull him up. “I’ll leave before morning.”

“Thanks.”

He follows Sid up the stairs.

* * *

**Saturday At Midnight**

Andy and Sid are on their way back to the hotel when Andy’s phone goes off. They stayed for cake and more speeches and, for Andy, more alcohol. Every time one of them would say, “Ready to go?” someone would grab them for a dance or a talk or a hug. 

“It’s Piper,” Andy says. “She wants us to go out.”

“It’s midnight. She doesn’t want to go back to their hotel room and be alone?”

“I guess not,” Andy says as he thumbs a message back to her.

“She’s so weird.”

“So are you.”

Sid doesn’t argue. “Where am I driving?”

“Apparently to a club.” Andy inputs the address into the car’s GPS. “Turn left,” he says just as the navigation tells him to do the same thing. “It’ll be fun.”

Sid doesn’t doubt it, but he was looking forward to going back to the hotel, fooling around, and then getting a lot of sleep. He follows the directions and they end up in the next town over, in front of what looks more like a bar than a club, but when they go inside, the music is loud and there are people dancing in the middle of the room.

Andy points. “They’re already here.”

Ryan is still wearing his tux, although he’s left the jacket and the tie behind and his shirt is half-unbuttoned. He’s got his glasses back on and a pair of sneakers instead of dress shoes. Piper’s hair is still all twisted and curled into what resembles elaborate piece of art, but instead of her dress, which was never really a pure white color anyway, she has on jeans and a t-shirt that says _Bride_ in swirly letters. When she sees them, her eyes lock on Sid first and she smiles. It looks almost wicked. She beckons them over and throws her arms around them both. 

“You want a drink? We just ordered.”

Andy shrugs and she calls for the bartender. She orders for Andy and a soda for Sid and Sid can’t help but notice the look on Ryan’s face. Complete amusement. When the bartender returns with the drinks, Piper takes Sid’s ginger ale and shoves it in his hand. She drinks from her glass and says, “Come dance with me.”

“No way,” Andy says. “He danced with me for the first time _ever_ tonight but that was to a slow song, what makes you think he’ll dance with you now?”

“Because it’s _me_.”

“So? Who will I dance with?”

Piper glares at him. “Sid and I have things we need to discuss and I want to dance with the three most important people in my life and, _spoiler alert_ , they’re all in this bar right now.”

Andy turns to Ryan. “Sorry, man, I think she’s talking about me, Sid, and that bartender.”

Ryan laughs. “I know my place in her life.”

“Good man,” says Piper. She grabs Sid’s hand. 

He looks at Andy. He doesn’t want to dance, he _never_ wants to dance, but he feels as though he has to right now, but he won’t do it if Andy might actually get pissed off about it.

“I’ll dance with you,” Ryan says, pushing away from the bar. He takes Andy’s arm. “Come on.”

“Are you – are you serious?”

“Sure, why not? I actually like to dance and somehow dancing with a dude is not the strangest thing I thought might happen on my wedding night.”

Andy smiles. “All right, okay.”

Piper grins and kisses Ryan’s cheek as he passes. “Thank you,” she says. Then, to Sid, “Let’s go.”

He gulps down half his soda and sets his glass on the bar. Piper downs the rest of her drink and places the empty tumbler next to Sid’s. Then they’re in the middle of the dance floor, Piper moving her hips, her hands on Sid’s shoulders. He knows how to dance and he’s not the worst at it, but at least the floor is full of people so he can easily get lost in the crowd.

“So why are you here and not at your hotel room?” Sid asks. 

“Oh, we totally did it in the bathroom at the reception in between speeches,” she confesses. “And my parents were there and they’re so fucking uptight I didn’t feel like we could have fun.”

“Ah.”

“And I wanted to party. I just got married!” She lets out a laugh and then covers her mouth. “Sorry, I just never imagined I’d actually find someone to marry and then be genuinely excited about it.”

“It’s been quite a shock to the rest of us, too, I promise.”

Piper stops dancing and puts her hands back on Sid’s shoulders. She suddenly looks very serious. “You’re one of my favorite people,” she says. “One of the most important in my life. Almost equal to Andy.”

“Thanks. I like you, too.”

“I know how hard it was to ask Andy to marry you.”

“I mean. I didn’t really _ask_. Just sort of suggested it.”

“Don’t get overly technical. You guys are engaged now, right?”

Sid shrugs. “Yeah.”

“Look, you and I are a lot alike. We have a lot of shit that’s made us how we are. I know how hard it is for me to accept how much Ryan loves me, so I can only imagine how hard it is for you to accept it with Andy. He used to be the only person in my life who I felt truly loved me for me. And the only person I thought I could love. Then I met you and you blew me away, too. Platonically, of course.”

“Of course. Where are you going with all this?”

“I want you to know that I know how hard it is to admit how much you love someone. Because I nearly lost Ryan more than once because I couldn’t get past my own shit. I am so happy you’re going to get married. I think it’s something Andy has always needed to feel truly secure, but he would never tell you that. He’s so good for you.”

“I know that. I know how lucky I am.”

“I know you do. Just make sure _he_ knows that.”

“He knows how lucky he is, too.”

Piper laughs. “That’s not what I mean, dumbass. Make sure he always knows how lucky _you_ think you are for having him.”

“I thought he was past being insecure.”

“He is. Ninety-nine percent. Trevor really fucked him up. You helped build him back together.”

“Yeah.” Sid looks over at Andy and Ryan, dancing together, both of them laughing. “I really would be completely lost without him.”

“I know.” Piper hugs Sid close, her head on his shoulder.

“If anything ever happened to me, he’d be able to keep going. I’d be unable to exist if he left.”

“I know,” says Piper. “Sparing a tragedy, he’s not going anywhere. I love you, Sid. Thank you for coming to my wedding.”

“As if I’d miss seeing you actually get hitched without hell freezing over first.”

Piper grins and pulls away. “You should dance with Andy.”

Sid nods. He knows it’s true.

“Thanks for making my best friend deliriously happy.”

“It’s just dancing.”

“Stop being a dumbass.” Piper kisses his cheek. “Let’s go trade dance partners.”

Sid has to shove past several people to get over to Andy. He takes his arm and spins him around to face him. “Want to dance?”

“With you?” Andy asks. “Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

“This is the best weekend ever.”

Sid snorts and rolls his eyes, but puts his hands on Andy’s hips and lets himself move with the music. Andy dances, pressed up close to him, looking both drunk and exhilarated. Sid’s hands go to Andy’s back and down to his ass. He leans down and kisses him. It turns hungry faster than he intended and Andy presses himself completely against Sid.

“Can we go?” Sid asks, dragging his mouth away from Andy’s lips and putting it against his ear.

“We just got here.”

“It’s been at least five songs.”

“We never dance! How about five more songs and when we get back to the hotel I’ll do that thing you like but are too embarrassed to ask for.”

Sid swallows hard. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He knows exactly what Andy is talking about.

“Liar,” Andy jokes.

Sid knows it’s true, so he agrees and puts his hands back on Andy’s hips.

* * *

**September: Almost Five Years Ago**

Sid has this notebook, a calendar really, where he writes down every time he has Kai. Each visit, how long it is, and sometimes what they do. He takes him to all his pulmonary appointments. He’s asked Hannah to let him take Kai full-time, but she says no. Andy’s looked through the notebook a couple of times and each time is shocked at how much Sid really does for Kai. He’s dropped down to three nights a week at the bar, which usually ends up being two because he has Kai so often. Luckily he doesn’t have to worry about paying rent right now.

When Andy sees Felicia at the hospital and asks her how a mom like Hannah can end up keeping her kid when she’s such a screw-up.

“If she played the game while she had social worker visits, then it makes sense they would have signed off. I’m only the social worker here, I don’t stick with the kids once they leave. That job is given to someone else.”

“So, what, she was good for a few months and now that someone doesn’t stop by her apartment unannounced she can do whatever she wants?”

“If you want to make a formal—”

“No,” says Andy. “Sid doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want Kai going to a different family and Kai’s with him almost exclusively now, which means he’s safe. He’s scared to jeopardize that.”

Felicia is sympathetic, but believes in the system more than Sid or Andy does.

Andy convinces Sid to apply for a job at the hospital. “They have an orderly position available. It’s thirteen an hour, but the hospital has an on-site daycare. It’s open seven days a week. Weekdays they open at six and close at seven, and on weekends it’s eight to five. I, uh, already asked if you could enroll Kai and they said it didn’t matter if he’s your nephew because only employees pay anyway. It’s taken directly from your paycheck.”

Sid refuses and almost seems offended that Andy thinks being an orderly would be a good fit for him, but two weeks later they’re purchasing a set of light blue scrubs. Andy still works his four, ten-hour shifts, but Sid has a more normalized schedule five days a week. He tells Hannah he has a good daycare for Kai and she lets him take him for almost the entire week. It’s more of an adjustment for Andy than anything because he once had Sid all to himself at least a few days a week and now he’s lucky if he gets to wake up next to him once a month. Luckily Sid is pretty lax nowadays about Andy coming over after Kai is asleep so they still see each other most evenings. 

Sometimes they cross paths in the hospital. Twice Andy’s needed help moving a patient and the orderly on call is Sid. Once the patient was a six-foot-four thirteen-year-old that Andy could absolutely not move on his own. Sid seems to rethink the importance of his new job when he gets to see the admiration on Andy’s face. Most days they’ll meet for lunch in the hospital cafeteria, sometimes with Piper, but sometimes alone. Andy overheard quite a few conversations about Sid when he first began working, mostly about how attractive he is. It doesn’t take long for a few of the other doctors and nurses to realize they’re in a relationship, which has saddened a couple of the male nurses and even more of the female ones. 

It’s been a while since Andy has experienced a tragedy at work. Luckily most of his patients over the last few months have been stomach viruses, broken arms, and one case of severe dehydration. He’s seen a couple asthma attacks and a few bouts of flu. It’s at the beginning of September when an ambulance brings a small girl in. She’s only seven and fell out of tree in the neighbor’s backyard. She presents with a compound fracture in her leg, but she has some sort of blood clotting disorder. There’s so much of it, the blood gets everywhere, and Andy’s scrubs are covered in it. At one point the little girl begins to throw up as well, bile mixed with blood, and a deep bruise starts to darken around her abdomen. She’s gone within thirty minutes and she’s so small in the bed that it’s almost like looking at a doll, someone not actually real.

Sid is sent to help clean up the room, but he finds Andy leaning against the door to Trauma 1, his hands shaking. Andy lets Sid take him to the locker room to change scrubs and clean up. He has a spare set of scrubs in his locker and he quickly discards the soiled shirt and pants and throws a clean set on. Andy sits on the long wooden bench in front of the row of lockers. He has some blood on his arm and Sid carefully washes it off. 

“You can’t save everyone,” Sid says quietly.

“I know.”

“Then why do you look like you want to die yourself?”

“Little kids should always be saved,” Andy replies. “Always.”

Sid kneels down in front of him and takes one of Andy’s hands in his. He slowly kneads Andy’s palm. Andy closes his eyes and lets himself feel Sid’s small offer of comfort.

“I have to go clean that room,” Sid says, keeping his voice low. “Come over after you get off, okay? I’ll order Chinese for dinner.”

Andy nods.

“Hey.” Sid lifts Andy’s chin. “You know I love you, right? It’ll be okay.”

It hits Andy, right in the stomach. Sid almost never says those words. “I love you, too.”

“I’ll see you later.”

Andy nods. “Sure, okay.” He’s not ready to get up and he knows no one will look for him for a while – they’re usually given some grace after a tragedy to pull themselves together. This time it’s the visuals of all the blood that has Andy in this state. Sid kisses the top of Andy’s head and leaves. Andy doesn’t pay attention when the locker room door opens and shuts; he assumes it’s Sid.

“Hey, you were in Trauma 1 with me, weren’t you?”

Andy looks up. The doctor in front of him begins to strip out of his green scrubs; he’s covered in blood as well. 

“Um, yeah, I was.”

“You did a good job.”

“Thanks.”

“You had a lot of quick thinking. I appreciate it. Is this your first death?”

“No.”

The doctor opens a locker and pulls out a clean pair of scrubs and begins to put them on.

“You have blood on your elbow,” Andy says.

“Shit. You’re right. Thanks.” He cross the room to the row of sinks and turns one of the faucets on. He washes his arms and his elbows and studies his skin in the mirror. “I’m Dr. Ryan Patel.”

“Ryan Patel,” Andy repeats.

“Don’t be racist,” Ryan laughs. “I know you’re wondering why an Indian guy is named Ryan.”

“I wasn’t.”

“It’s okay, most people ask me about it so I find if I address it immediately then I’m less offended.”

“You’re weird. I don’t care what your name is.”

“My parents are from India. They wanted me to fit in. Just me, though. My brother and sister have traditional names. I’m the oldest.”

Andy doesn’t want to respond, he really doesn’t but then, “Wait. So you’re Ryan and your brother and sister aren’t named, like, Patricia and John?”

“Nope. Azad, Diya, and Ryan. People usually find the story endearing.”

“By people I assume you mean women.”

“Well, yes.”

“Sorry to break it to you, but I’m not a girl.”

“I know that. Let’s move on. That guy who was just in here? The really tall one.”

“Sid,” answers Andy. “He’s an orderly.”

“Right. Is he your boyfriend?”

Andy is taken aback for a moment. “Yes, actually. Why?”

“I thought you were maybe dating Piper – I wasn’t sure because you two seem so close, but …”

“But?” Andy prompts. “You thought I looked gay?”

“Now who’s being offensive?”

“I find if I state the obvious then I’m less likely to be offended.”

“Touché,” Ryan says, “but, uh, I finally figured you weren’t dating Piper since you and that guy seem very close.”

“Boyfriends are usually close, yes.”

“Right,” Ryan says, “I don’t usually kiss my male colleagues on the head or tell them I love them. So Piper, though. If she’s not your girlfriend, then…”

“She’s my best friend.”

“Is she single?”

Andy narrows his eyes. “Yes, but she doesn’t like to date doctors. She thinks they’re arrogant pricks. Are you an arrogant prick?”

Ryan shakes his head. “Only on Tuesdays.”

“Oh, no. You can’t try to be funny, she’ll hate that. She doesn’t like stupid jokes or endearing stories. You have to make smarter jokes than that if you want to go out with her. She’ll hate that you’re named Ryan when your siblings have traditional names. And she won’t date anyone who I don’t like, so if you want to ask her out, my favorite candy is peanut-butter M&M’s and watermelon Airheads.”

“You’re a funny guy, Andy.” 

Andy shrugs. “You seem rather chipper for someone who had a patient bleed out all over them.”

“I’ve been doing this for fourteen years. I don’t react at work. At home tonight I’ll end up drinking a lot of gin.”

“I see.”

“It doesn’t get easier,” Ryan says. “It gets different. Anyway, thanks for the advice on Piper.”

Andy stays in the locker room for only a few more minutes before going back to work. He finishes his shift and luckily the rest of his afternoon is quiet, the usual rounds of sprained wrists and cuts from falling off bicycles and skateboards. He goes home to take a shower before going to Sid’s. If Kai is there, Sid usually has him in bed by seven-thirty since they leave Sid’s house around six for him to get to work on time. When Andy gets there, Sid is waiting, already in pajama pants and a white undershirt. He opens his door before Andy gets there and pulls him inside. Sid kisses his neck and leads him into the kitchen.

“Oh my god,” Andy says, “you redid all the counters.”

Sid looks around. “Oh. Yeah. A few days ago. And the backsplash. James helped.”

“I thought he only did air conditioners?”

“He does a lot of this kind of stuff.”

“If you’d told me, I would’ve helped.” Andy isn’t sure what he’s feeling but it’s something weird in the middle of his stomach, like his intestines twisting up. 

Sid pulls two plates out of one of the cabinets and puts them on the small kitchen table. He grabs a large spoon and starts dishing out food from the different takeout containers. 

“You were working and it was the only day this month James knew he was definitely free to help me. It’s the countertops you picked out. You know I don’t give a shit about any of this.”

Andy looks closer. “I thought you didn’t like these? You said you hated white kitchens.”

“And you said white makes them look bigger or something. And then something about resell value. I listened.”

“Huh,” says Andy. “This is the backsplash I chose, too.”

“Yeah, and it cost me three months of picking up the tab for James to have him do it.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t go with what you liked.”

Sid rolls his eyes. “Will you sit? I’m starving. I didn’t take a lunch break today.”

Andy sits down next to Sid. “Your house looks really great.”

“As soon as I can buy new appliances it’ll be better. Kind of tired of not having a working stove.”

“Is Kai over tonight?” Andy asks.

“Yeah, he’s asleep.”

“How many nights in a row does this make it?”

“Seven,” Sid answers.

“Oh my god. Has he even seen Hannah in the last seven days?”

“On Sunday she came by for a while. She was definitely high.”

Andy shakes his head in disbelief. “Why don’t you try for custody?”

“That lawyer said it would be too hard to win without evidence that he’s being abused or neglected. Since I’m not a parent, that is. So I’m waiting for her to fuck up, which she may not since has me to watch him all the time. Maybe when she has to be responsible for getting him to school every day it’ll be different. It’s hard because I don’t want her to do those things, but.” Sid shrugs.

“Right.” Andy twirls some lo mein onto his fork. “I miss sleeping here, though. With you.”

“I know. You don’t have to do this. I don’t think any of this is fair to you. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to stop.”

Andy’s heart beats loudly between his ears. He can tell Sid is purposefully not looking at him. The level of annoyance he feels actually shocks him.

“Sid, shut the fuck up.”

At this, Sid does look at him. Andy rarely curses and he knows it shocks Sid whenever he does. 

“Okay,” Sid says simply, but Andy can’t focus on dinner anymore. He puts his fork down and then reaches over and takes Sid’s out of his hand. He grabs one of the legs of Sid’s chair and pulls it closer to him. 

“Don’t try to be a martyr,” Andy says, leaning towards Sid. “I’m not going anywhere, not any time soon.” He kisses him and pushes everything he has into it. The kiss starts to erase the feelings from earlier today. Sid pulls Andy to him, and Andy sits in his lap, his knees on either side of Sid’s hips. 

There’s a sound somewhere behind him and Andy pulls away. In the kitchen doorway Kai stands, small and still a little bit too-thin, wearing a pair of Mickey Mouse pajamas. Andy jumps off Sid’s lap and turns around, hands on his hips, willing his body to calm down. 

“What’s wrong?” he hears Sid ask. The chair scrapes against the tile floor as Sid gets up and goes to Kai. “Do you need your inhaler?”

Andy whirls back around. He hears the wheezing noise from across the kitchen. He immediately goes to Kai and drops to his knees in front of him. “Hey,” he says softly, putting a hand to Kai’s chest, “it’s okay. Do you remember me?”

Sid mumbles, “Be right back,” and flies out of the kitchen. Andy can hear him taking the stairs two at a time.

“I’m the nurse from the hospital.”

Kai nods. “The pirate,” he says.

Andy laughs. “Hey, good memory! Look at me. You’re scared, but that’s okay to be scared. I need you to calm down though because when you’re scared, it makes breathing harder. So can you try to breathe with me?”

Kai nods again.

“Okay. In through your nose – don’t stop until I stop.” Andy breathes in deep. He holds up a finger to let Kai know not to exhale. “Out through your mouth. Awesome job, kid. Let’s do it again.” 

Andy sees Sid in the doorway watching them, but he continues to focus on Kai. He holds out his hand for the inhaler and Sid drops it into his open palm. 

“Hey, one more time, okay? See, it’s not as scary when you’re breathing with me, is it?”

Kai shakes his head as Andy shakes the inhaler.

“You ready?” 

Andy helps Kai take a puff. He waits and watches him breathe. Calming Kai down helped a lot, but the kid still looks a little scared. Andy has him sit at the kitchen table.

“Do you have any hot chocolate mix?” Andy asks Sid.

“Um, maybe?”

“I put some in your shopping cart last time we were at Kroger.”

“Jesus, you’re sneaky.” Sid goes to the cabinet where he keeps all the miscellaneous food and finds the packets of hot chocolate. 

“Can you make some?” Andy asks. “Heat can help open up airways, but I doubt he’s going to want any tea.”

“Ew gross,” Kai says.

“Ha!” laughs Andy. “See?”

Sid grabs a mug from a different cabinet and fills it with water. He microwaves it, throws the powdery mix in it, and stirs it with a spoon. Andy checks Kai’s pulse and is happy that he seems to be calming down. 

“Did you wake up like that?” Andy asks.

Kai hesitates and then nods.

“You know, sometimes other things make us not breathe. Like when we run too fast or if we smell flowers with a lot of pollen.”

“I don’t have flowers in my room.”

“No, but there’s other stuff. Like dust or dirt.”

“You think his room is dirty?” Sid asks. His tone hints that he finds this offensive.

“I didn’t say that,” Andy replies without looking away from Kai.

Sid hands Kai the hot chocolate.

“It’s hot,” Andy says, “so sip it slowly.”

Kai does and then says, “I saw books inna box. I got my flashlight.”

“What books?” Sid asks. 

“The box by the stairs.”

Sid groans. “I found a box in Hannah’s old room full of books from when we were kids. They were really gross, I think maybe they’d gotten wet.”

“He probably breathed in some dust or dirt from them and it triggered his asthma,” Andy says. “Probably best if you don’t do that again, right?”

“Right.” Kai takes another sip of his drink. “I saw pictures.”

“Yeah, picture books are the best!” says Andy. “Do you have a lot of books?”

Kai shakes his head.

“Oh, no, that’s not good. I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll give Sid a bunch of my old books that I promise are _not_ all dusty for you to read, but you have to promise me you won’t go through things with your flashlight when it’s bedtime.”

“Do they have pictures?”

“ _Tons_ of pictures.”

Kai smiles. “Okay.” He takes another sip of his hot chocolate and then carefully places the mug on the table with both hands. “My wolf’s name is Fox.”

Andy blinks. “Fox?”

“Fox is funny.”

“I’m glad you still have him. I hope he’s been protecting you.”

“He’s in my bed.”

“Thanks for telling me about him. I thought you might’ve forgotten that I gave him to you.”

Kai shakes his head.

“Are you ready to go back to bed?” Sid asks.

Kai jumps off the kitchen chair and holds out both arms. Sid picks him up carefully and carries him out of the room. He waves to Andy over Sid’s shoulder. Andy waves back.

He cleans up the dinner they barely touched and puts all the half-full containers into the fridge. All the plates go into the dishwasher, and he’s half-expecting for Sid to tell him goodnight when he comes back down. Instead, Sid pushes Andy against the cabinets, lifts him up until he’s sitting on the stone countertop, and stands between his thighs. The kiss is really slow and deep and Sid seems almost reluctant when he pulls away. 

“Thank you,” he says.

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“You were really good with him.”

“Well, I mean … yeah,” says Andy. “I’m a pediatric nurse, so, you know, asthma attacks are one of my things.”

“Yeah, but you were like _really_ good with him.”

“You’ve seen me at work a hundred times by now. I’m always good with kids.”

“Take a compliment, please.”

Andy closes his mouth and nods. 

Sid pushes Andy’s hair off his forehead. He looks at him as though searching for something and then leans forward again. He kisses him twice, and then says, “I think you should come hang out with us. Dinner tomorrow maybe. I told him we’d go get pizza.”

“Are you – are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Andy feels a flood of emotions. Relief, happiness, and even anxiety, all mixed together and brimming over.

“Oh, my god, please don’t cry.”

“I’m not!”

“You are!” Sid laughs. “I can see it in your eyes.”

Andy blinks and turns his head so Sid can’t see him. Sid laughs again and cups Andy’s face with his hands and carefully turns his head back to him. He kisses him again and then takes him upstairs.

* * *

Everything becomes seamless after that. Andy comes over almost every day. They hang out on Andy’s days off and eat dinner together after Andy’s shifts. Sometimes Kai asks him to read one of the books he brought over. Sid still seems apprehensive at times, but he never says anything. Andy doesn’t know how to make him feel better; this is new territory for the both of them. He does make sure that at least one night a week he lets Kai and Sid do their own thing. This is usually a night where he and Piper get together. 

“What do you think of that Ryan guy?” she asks one night.

“The doctor? He seems okay.”

“I thought he was a prick. And then he asks me out, right? And I said no because doctors are _so boring_. But then he says something like – ‘I don’t care if you don’t like doctors, I don’t talk about work outside of work so we can pretend I’m a tax attorney or an accountant, whichever impresses you less. I’d like to keep the bar low.’ Like, who the fuck talks like that?”

“That’s kind of funny.”

“I knew you’d think so.”

“Did you go out with him?”

“Not yet! I told him I’d have to confer with my relationship guru and I’d get back to him.”

“Smart choice.”

The next day there’s a king sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms in Andy’s locker. He tells Piper to go on the date.

When October rolls around, Kai turns four and wants to have banana splits and buy new Legos for his birthday. Andy gets stuck with trying to read the directions and help build something from Batman while Sid peels bananas and scoops ice cream. Kai ends up being better at Legos than Andy and when it’s time for bed, asks if Andy will tuck him in.

“No, no,” whispers Andy. “That’s a job for Sid, okay?” He puts a finger to his lips. Kai seems to get the message and tells Andy goodnight and waits for Sid to take him upstairs.

The week before Halloween Sid is annoyed because his work schedule suddenly changes. He’s never supposed to work past six so he can get Kai from daycare, but for some reason he’s scheduled until eight all week. This also means he can’t take Kai trick-or-treating. He tries to switch shifts, but unless he wants to lose two hours each day by leaving work early, he can’t make it work. 

“Let me get Kai,” Andy says. “I’m off work early enough. I know you’re not making what you did at the bar, so don’t lose the hours, let me help.”

“I can’t ask—”

“You’re _not_ asking. I’m telling. Why won’t you let me help you?”

“I don’t like having to depend on other people. I’d rather do it on my own.”

“That’s ridiculous. I’m trying to help make your life easier.”

“I know, but I don’t want to count on it in case – well, you know, in case it’s not there one day.”

“In case I leave you is what you mean,” says Andy dryly. “I’d be offended if we didn’t have this conversation at least once a month. So add me to the list of people who can get Kai from daycare and I’ll take him trick or treating and life will be grand.”

Which is how Andy finds himself outside on Halloween night, bundled in two sweatshirts, a coat, and a scarf, in thirty-six degree weather. Kai is equally bundled underneath his pirate costume – which Andy is pretty proud of his influence there – but is happy to run from house to house collecting treats. They go back to Sid’s house afterwards and go through all the candy. Andy pulls out all the airheads for him and all the Kit Kats for Sid. Kai doesn’t really like candy anyway. 

When Sid gets home, he tells Andy he fixed his schedule for the following week, which Andy knows he should be glad about, but can’t help but feel a little bit sad.

* * *


	3. Part 3

**PART 3**

* * *

**Sunday Morning**

Sid wakes up earlier than he really wanted to. The curtains are pulled closed so the room is still mostly dark, but he can see morning peeking through a small gap in the middle of the drapes. Andy is curled on his side, mostly still under the blankets, his hair falling over his forehead. He’s facing the middle of the bed – facing Sid – and his hand is out as though waiting for something to hold on to.

Sid gets up and grabs his white t-shirt and boxers off the floor. The rest of his clothes are still in a pile on his side of the bed. He rubs the small of his back and then his knee. He examines it and nearly laughs out loud. It looks as though he has rug burn on his knees from the mattress.

“Jesus,” he whispers. He goes to the bathroom, washes his hands, brushes his teeth. He’s quiet when he goes back towards the bed. Something stops him before he lays back down and he watches Andy sleep for a moment. 

Everything that happened the last two days plays on repeat in his head. The club, the photograph, the wedding, the bar afterwards. Their night back at the hotel, the sheets they ruined, the noises they made. Before Andy, Sid didn’t want anything permanent. He had a couple of relationships, maybe a year at the most, before moving on. There was baggage he had carefully packed away and out of sight and he didn’t need anyone unzipping it and taking anything out. But Andy did it without Sid noticing until his bags were empty and everything was laid out before them. Some things were still wrinkled, maybe a little dirty and torn, but others were ironed crisp and clean and given away, no longer needing to be hidden.

It was something Sid loved and hated. There was a freeness to having so much of himself known to another person, emotionally and physically. Sometimes so much closeness made him feel raw and it was a lot to process, too difficult to put into words.

Sid groans and gets back in bed next to Andy. He pushes Andy’s hair away from his forehead and kisses his temple. “Hey,” he says softly, lightly shaking Andy’s shoulder. “Hey,” he says again and then kisses Andy’s jaw, his neck.

Andy stirs and stretches, but keeps his eyes closed. “Oh my god,” he says.

“Hangover?”

“Something died in my mouth while I was sleeping.”

“Gross.” Sid gets up and finds a glass with some hotel toiletries in the bathroom. He fills it with water and brings it back to Andy. He sits on Andy’s side of the bed. “Here.”

Andy opens one eye and looks at Sid and then the glass. He sits halfway up and takes the glass. He drinks most of it and then smacks his lips.

“Better,” he says. “What time is it?”

“Ten. Figured you might want to shower before we head back home.”

Andy nods. “Kay,” he mumbles. “Were you watching me sleep?”

“Uhh, no.”

“Creeper.”

“We gotta get back to the real world. Kids and jobs and stuff.”

Andy sighs and stretches again. He sits all the way up this time. It’s as though he’s studying Sid’s face and then he breaks out into a smile. “Last night was fun.”

“Mmm,” Sid hums noncommittedly.

Andy pushes his shoulder. “Come on, admit it.”

Sid takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out. “I think I have rug burn on my knee.”

Andy’s grin gets impossibly wider. “Cool.”

Sid groans then kisses Andy on the mouth. “I’m taking a shower. Check-out’s in an hour.”

* * *

**Thanksgiving: Five Years Ago**

“Okay, but you’ve never met my mother.”

“You’ve never met mine either,” Sid replies.

“You don’t even know where your mother is,” Andy says. “We’ve been together for almost a year and she lives ten minutes away. She said you’re invited to Thanksgiving and to bring Kai and I already told her you’d be there.”

“Thanksgiving is a holiday. Maybe we should meet for, you know, something simpler.”

“You put it off every time I invited you for lunch with her and now you’re stuck with Thanksgiving. Don’t wear a t-shirt.”

Which is how Andy invites Sid to Thanksgiving. When he shows up, he’s wearing a nice pair of jeans and a gray button-down shirt. He’s dressed Kai in a brown sweater that matches his new shoes. Andy’s mother is overwhelmed with excitement when she meets Kai. Molly has made it known she doesn’t want to have children and since any potential grandchildren would have to come from Andy, his mom had begun to resolve herself to never being a grandmother. Meeting Kai seems to have reignited something in her.

Molly shows up an hour late looking very chic and fashionable, but her boyfriend, Finn, looks annoyed. He’s a director and overly pretentious and even Molly seems frustrated with him, but Andy’s not nearly close enough with her to ask her what on earth she sees in this idiot. She does, however, seem rather taken with Sid and bombards him with questions.

“Okay so tell me how you two met,” she says.

“Molly,” Andy warns.

“I’ve only heard Andy’s version,” his mom says. “I wouldn’t mind hearing yours.”

“Uh.” The tips of Sid’s ears turn red. He hates being put on the spot. “I took Kai in to the ER because he was having an asthma attack and I didn’t know what medication he was taking or really any of his medical history, and Andy told me I was a crappy father and I told him to stop being so judgmental.”

Molly claps her hands together. “Oh my god, I love it!”

“…shouldn’t dads know their kids’ medical history?” Finn says.

“He’s not his dad,” Molly snaps. “Try to pay attention.”

“We’ve clearly moved past all that,” Andy says. 

“You don’t look like Andy’s usual type,” Molly says. “That other guy he dated was short like him.”

“Molly.”

She ignores him and continues. “And you’re way too cool for him. I don’t get it. How tall are you?”

“Uh. I don’t know. Six-three, I think. I haven’t measured since I was in high school.”

Molly nods appreciatively. “Andy, you’re practically a dwarf.”

“I don’t think you can say ‘dwarf’ anymore,” Finn says.

Molly glares at him and then turns her attention back to Sid. “I like your tattoos. And your earrings. You kind of look like a rock star.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Do you really not remember him?” Andy asks. “We lived next door to him.”

Molly narrows her eyes. When recognition settles, they widen and she gasps. “Shut the front door! You had a shaved head and a mouth full of braces.”

“I didn’t have a shaved head.”

“Actually,” Andy says, “you did. You set fire to yours in the backyard and had a bald spot so you buzzed the rest off.”

“I did?”

“I think you were burning some books.”

“Oh yeah,” Sid remembers, “it was my math book, but keep your voice down. I don’t want Kai to get any ideas.”

“You were scary back then. Who knew you’d grow up to be this delicious?”

“Molly, shut up.”

“I have no idea what you see in my brother. He’s absolutely boring.”

Andy’s mom finally interjects with, “You’re being inappropriate,” just as Sid says, “He’s not boring at all – you just don’t know him like I do.”

“Whatever you say,” Molly mumbles.

Andy rolls his eyes. Sid places a hand on his thigh as though to reassure him. He keeps it there through the rest of dinner. Andy’s mom is delightful and engaging. She asks Sid real questions, not like Molly’s absurd superficial ones, and when dinner is over, she puts in a DVD for Kai while she makes coffee and preps the pies for dessert. Molly and Finn go outside to smoke and Andy makes a tray with sugars and cream and empty coffee cups. Sid brings in all the dirty plates to the kitchen and places them in the sink.

“Thank you for coming,” Andy’s mom says to Sid. “I’ve been wanting to meet you for a while, but Andy always said no.”

“Mother, Jesus.”

She waves a dismissive hand at Andy.

“I’m usually not very good with moms,” Sid says. “I don’t know why I said that. You’re actually the first one I’ve met.”

“You’ve never met any of your other boyfriends’ parents?”

“Andy’s the only boyfriend I’ve had.”

“Oh.” Andy’s mom looks as though she’s trying to figure out her next question.

“I’ve had girlfriends,” Sid clarifies, “but no, no parents.”

“Why not?”

“I didn’t see the point,” Sid answers simply. “Before, I mean.”

Andy can tell by his mother’s expression that she sees the gravity of this statement. He wills her to keep her mouth shut. If she felt any of his telepathy, she ignores it.

“That’s lovely,” she says. “I’m glad Andy found someone who loves him. You clearly do.”

“Uh,” says Sid. “Well, yes … of course I do.”

“I can tell by the way you look at him. We used to have a standing Saturday lunch date, did you know that?”

“No …”

“He moved it to one Saturday a month because of you. I don’t mean that nasty, I was happy to take a step back if it meant seeing him happy with someone.”

“Mom,” Andy warns. He doesn’t know why he’s even trying to get her to shut up; she’ll never listen.

“Kai is lovely,” she plows on. “You’re doing a great job with him.”

“Thanks.”

“Andy adores him. He talks about him all the time.”

“Oh?”

“Of course. It’s all he can talk about the last two months.”

Sid looks at Andy and Andy throws up his hands in exasperation. He groans, “Mother. Seriously. Shut up.”

“Why? I’m not telling him anything he doesn’t already know.”

“I’m sorry. She loves to spill secrets. I’m walking back into the dining room and hopefully all the humiliation will stop.”

They all eat dessert and drink coffee and Andy shows Kai his old bedroom, which his mom kept mostly pristine. The same posters are on the walls from when he was a kid and there’s a toy box full of old toys. He still has some old video games, which are too old for Kai now, but maybe one day. When it’s past Kai’s bedtime, Sid announces he really should leave and get him home. Andy walks them outside, Kai wrapped around Sid, his head on Sid’s shoulder.

“Thanks for coming. I hope my very-forward mother and my too-pretentious-for-anything-other-than-New-York-City sister didn’t scare you away from ever coming back.”

“Your mom is pretty nice for a mom. Your sister should probably never leave the island.”

“I know. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Kai lifts his head from Sid’s shoulder and looks at Andy. “Are you staying here?”

“Yeah, I told my mom I’d help her clean up from dinner. Thanks for eating all your green beans tonight, kid,” Andy says.

“How come we only eat dinner together? You should eat pancakes with us.”

“Well, I have my own house I live in. I have to sleep in my bed just like you sleep in your own bed. And my bedtime is after dinner, just like yours.”

“Oh.” Kai looks confused. “That’s silly. Can you eat pancakes with me tomorrow?”

“Kai,” says Sid a little sternly. 

Kai clamps his mouth shut. 

“It’s okay,” says Andy. To Kai he says, “Maybe I can come over one morning early and we can eat pancakes together. I like lots of syrup.”

“You want Andy to eat breakfast with us?” Sid asks, looking at Kai. “Why?”

“I want Andy to be with me every meal. But he says he can’t take me to bed because that’s your job to tuck me in. I asked.”

“You’re a traitor!” says Andy. “Just like my mom. Cannot keep a secret.”

Sid puts Kai down and tells him to go get in his car seat. He turns to Andy and says, “Maybe he’s right. Maybe you _should_ be there at every meal.”

Andy blinks. “I’m sorry, come again?”

“Maybe you should be there at every meal,” Sid repeats. “As in, at my house. Every night. With me.”

“You want me to move in with you.”

“Yeah, seems like it’s time.”

“Are you serious?”

“I think so. It’s been two months since you’ve been hanging out with Kai and I think he likes you more than he likes me. That’s long enough, right?” Sid looks as though he might be second-guessing himself.

“Only you can answer that,” says Andy. He wants to yell at him that they’ve been together almost a full year, it’s time for them to move in together, but he also knows he can’t push Sid into this decision. “Wait. Will living with me mess up your chances of getting Kai?”

Sid’s neck and the tips of his ears turn red.

“Are you _blushing_?”

“No, I – hmm. No.” Sid presses his hands against his ears. “Look. I asked my lawyer about it a while ago. He said married couples always have the best luck getting kids, but if you lived with me, it’s not something he’d bring up, just in case we go in front of a judge who’s old-fashioned.”

Andy’s mouth gapes open. “Are you kidding me?”

“No?”

“I mean – you already talked to your lawyer about this?”

“I did, just in case. It seemed important.”

“Which means you’ve been thinking about this for a while.”

Sid is quiet but he shrugs, then nods.

Andy can feel his smile pull up the corners of his mouth. He can’t turn it off. “Okay, so … are we doing this? Every meal, every night, starting now?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

“It was your mom who convinced me,” Sid says. “Her talk about you ‘adoring’ Kai and me never having met parents before – and you know, it’s not like others haven’t asked me, but I always refused. And, I don’t know, I’m really tired of not waking up with you there. I like that. I think I sleep better when I know you’re there. Is that weird?”

Andy shakes his head, but no words come out.

“We can talk about it tomorrow. I have the day off.”

“Me too.”

“I know, it’s Friday. You’re always off on Fridays.”

Sid kisses Andy’s cheek and says goodbye. He’s halfway to his truck when Andy calls out, “Wait!” Sid turns around. “Can I come by tonight?”

Sid nods. “Okay.”

“And eat pancakes tomorrow?”

Sid nods again. 

“Okay, great. I’ll see you in a bit, as soon as I finish cleaning up here.”

“Let me talk to Kai about it before I put him to bed. Just so he understands.”

Andy watches Sid get into his truck and turn it on to warm it up. He rushes back inside and helps his mom with some chores so he can leave as soon as possible. Molly is staying in her old room and Finn seems less than thrilled with the accommodations. Andy almost forgets to say goodbye to her before he leaves.

He drives himself to Sid’s house. Kai is already asleep when Andy gets there. He can tell that Sid is ready for bed, but he’s too full of energy. They end up talking about their plans. Andy has the nicer sofa, so they’ll move that and get rid of Sid’s. He also has the nicer kitchen table, but Sid’s bed is bigger so they’ll keep that. Andy has two bookshelves full of books that Sid says Andy can put wherever he wants. The rest they’ll combine, a mixture of Sid’s plates and Andy’s. Andy’s juice glasses will sit next to Sid’s pub glasses in the cabinet. They both have potholders and silverware and pizza cutters. 

Andy wishes Sid would get as excited as he gets about things, but Sid is always so somber. The closest to enthusiasm Sid gives him is through whispers in his ears as they fall asleep. “You can push all my crap to one side of the closet and take up as much room as you need.” It’s as good as saying _I love you_.

* * *

**Sunday Check-Out**

Sid carries their bags back out to their car and puts everything in the back while Andy finishes checking them out of the hotel. He leans against the back of the car and dials Andy’s mom. It rings three times before she answers.

“Hi, Sid,” she says. He can hear the amusement in her voice. “I’m surprised it’s taken you this long to call.”

“Andy wouldn’t let me,” he says. 

“The kids are fine. They miss you.”

“In between being spoiled?”

“We did have ice cream for breakfast.”

“Carol, they’re never going to want to come home.”

Andy’s mom laughs. “I’m kidding. They had waffles. Kai’s been really sweet and helpful with Kaitlyn. She was really sad last night because she had some trouble reading her storybook, but we got through it. Today, though, they’re excited for you to come home. They both remembered it’s Father’s Day.”

“Right,” says Sid.

“I hope you didn’t spend your whole weekend missing them. You deserve a weekend off.”

“It was good. Andy had fun.”

“And you?”

“I was fine. For the most part.”

“Having fun without your kids doesn’t make you a bad parent,” she reminds him. “It makes you human.”

“Yeah, yeah, you sound like Andy.”

“And did you do the thing this morning?”

“Friday night. There was this whole thing with Andy and it kind of happened then.” Sid hadn’t meant for Andy’s mom to find out about this, but she had taken the picture of Andy, Sid, and the kids, and he needed an extra copy so he could get it framed. When she asked him why he didn’t take the one off the fridge, he said he didn’t want Andy to know what he was doing with it. The rest kind of spilled out of his mouth. 

“Okay, so, does that mean you’re engaged?”

“Mmm,” says Sid. “I guess so.”

“I’m going to cry.” Sid can hear it in her voice; it’s already thick with tears. “You are so good for him.”

“No,” says Sid. “It’s the other way around.”

“Whatever, believe what you want.”

Sid is quiet; he’s unsure what to say.

“The kids’ll be packed and ready to go when you get here.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. I should insist you guys take a weekend off from time to time. I liked having them here and Andy and Molly’s bedrooms wouldn’t be collecting so much dust if they stayed here occasionally.”

Andy walks out of the hotel, so Sid thanks his mom again and ends the call.

“Ready?”

“Who were you talking to?” Andy narrows his eyes. “You called my mother, didn’t you?”

Sid knows he probably looks really guilty right now.

“We’ll see them in a couple hours.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

They get into the car and start towards home. Andy loops his arm through Sid’s and rests his weight on the center console. He’s quieter than usual and Sid wonders what he’s thinking about. If he had to guess, and he’s pretty good at guessing what’s going on in Andy’s brain, all the thoughts are about getting married. Sid doesn’t like talking about these things. He’s not romantic and he hates dealing with these sorts of feelings. He’s probably told Andy he loves him less than twenty times in the last six years. On Christmas Day he always says it; he knows Andy considers it their anniversary even though all it commemorates is the first time they had sex. Whatever makes Andy happy, though, and every Christmas night before they go to sleep, Sid always says it out loud, just because he knows it makes Andy melt quicker than ice cream in July.

“You want to talk about getting married?” Sid says.

Andy whimpers in the back of his throat. “Yes, please.”

“All right. I’ll do whatever you want so long as you don’t plan anything big. I can’t handle all that attention on me.”

“I don’t want a wedding,” Andy says. “We can go to the courthouse.”

“You wouldn’t be okay with that.”

Andy scoffs. “Of course I would. I _never_ thought you’d actually want to get married. So I’m more than okay with going in front of a judge. Just … can Piper be there? And maybe my mom. And the kids. But that’s it, I promise.”

Sid winces. He doesn’t want an audience, but if Andy’s mom is there, she can mind the kids for them. And Piper is his number one fan. And it would be nice for his kids to witness it. He’s sure Kai has been imagining this moment for most of his childhood. At one point, Sid was convinced Kai liked Andy best, but nothing compares to how attached Kaitlyn is to him.

“Okay,” says Sid. “When do you want to do it?”

“This week, before you can change your mind.”

Sid knows Andy is joking, but there’s a strained sound to his voice, like maybe he thinks Sid will take it all back.

“I’m not going to change my mind,” says Sid, “so chill out. Why don’t we do it Christmas Eve? I mean, since Christmas Day is the day you always say is our anniversary. Oh my god – please don’t cry.”

“I can’t help it! I cry when I’m happy! You’re asking for a lifetime of this.”

Sid shakes his head, but smiles. Andy is absurd and ridiculous, but he’s always been that way. 

“We should write our own vows.”

“Absolutely not,” says Sid. The very thought makes him ill.

“Why not?”

“You know I can’t – no.” Sid is not very good with words. Sometimes he thinks romantic things, but they die inside his mouth before he can ever say them. It’s hard to vocalize what goes on in his head; he feels what he feels and doesn’t know how to qualify it into words. 

“It’s okay,” Andy says. He fiddles with the car radio. “I’m sure the judge has a script.”

This is the part that Sid hates. He knows Andy gives in so much because there are certain things Sid can’t handle. Sid has a handful of friends, but Andy is the one who likes to go out. Sid is fine staying at home while Andy has a good time. He knows Andy likes to be affectionate, but offering him his arm in public is all that he can handle. He thinks about it sometimes, what it might be like to always hold hands or kiss or hug. He’ll see it play out in his head like a movie, but then when he looks at Andy, he can’t do it. 

There’s so much give to Andy and Sid knows, in the pit of his stomach, that it’s not fair, but he also doesn’t know how to change himself. 

“What if …” Sid clears his throat. “What if I wrote it down for you, but you can’t make me read it aloud and I won’t say it in front of anyone else?”

“Like, you write secret vows for me?”

“I swear to god if you start crying again I’m taking it back.”

Andy shakes his head. “No, no. I’d love that. Really. I mean, I know you love me, but you don’t really ever say it. I’d like to read whatever you want to write.”

“Okay.”

Andy is quiet and changes the radio station. “Thank you,” he says quietly.

Sid doesn’t say anything. He rubs his thumb over the top of Andy’s thigh and keeps driving.

* * *

**January: Over Four Years Ago**

Hannah’s Christmas gift to Kai was to spend more time with him. That’s what she said. She didn’t buy him a toy or wrap anything up, just said “We’ll spend more time together.” When Sid pulled her into the kitchen and asked if she was still using, she said, “I haven’t used since court.”

“Bullshit. Then why is Kai here every day instead of at your house if you’re not hiding anything?”

“He likes it over here. You don’t have roommates like I do.”

“You don’t have roommates. You have a drug dealer.”

Andy poked his head into the kitchen. “You guys need to go somewhere else or lower your voices. I can hear you in the living room.”

Now it’s three weeks later and Kai has only been over twice. Sid is quiet and picks up a couple extra shifts at the hospital, which Andy knows is to help keep his brain busy so he can stop thinking about how empty the house feels. He convinces Sid to meet him at PassGo after work one evening. Andy had the entire day off and he spent half of it trying to read one of his new books and the other half going to different nurseries trying to find good plants for the backyard. It was kind of a random thing he said once, but Sid thought growing peppers would be cool, and now Andy is looking for advice on how to grow a garden. He wants tomatoes and strawberries. 

He waits for Sid at the bar; all the tables are currently full. The only thing he ended up buying today is a book on gardening. It’s pretty simple and breaks down all the different foods to grow and the best growing regions and conditions for them to thrive. He’s scanning through the pages, a beer in front of him when a hand clamps down on his shoulder.

Andy turns, a smile on his face, but it quickly disappears. It’s not Sid – it’s Trevor.

“Holy shit,” Trevor cries with a laugh. “What are you doing here?”

“I come here a lot,” Andy says, sitting up a little bit straighter on the bar stool.

Trevor takes his hand away and crosses his arms over his chest. “All alone?”

Andy wills his face not to heat up. “No, I’m waiting for someone.” He wants to tell him he’s in a relationship now, that he _lives_ with someone, but he doesn’t want to come across like he cares what Trevor thinks about him – because he doesn’t.

“So, how’ve you been?”

“Fine.”

“Yeah? Still at the kiddy hospital?”

Andy blinks once – twice. “St. Raymond’s Children’s Hospital,” he says slowly. “Yes.”

“You’re still not tired of that shithole?”

“No.”

“You don’t look happy to see me.”

“That’s not – I mean, it’s fine. I guess. I don’t think we have much to talk about.”

“We haven’t seen each other in a year—”

“Over two years,” Andy corrects.

“That’s sweet that you keep count.”

Andy clenches his jaw. 

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“Yes,” Andy answers. This is not the time to be late, he thinks, and he silently curses Sid for taking so long to show up. 

Trevor’s mouth slowly curves up into a smile. “Really? I’m surprised. I thought you’d be pining after me still.” He laughs. “Relax, I’m kidding. You’re wound so tight. You were always so high strung.”

“I’m really not. You made me that way.”

“Oh, did I? Still blaming me for our breakup?”

“No. I don’t think about you anymore, to be honest. I’m sure it kills you, but I’ve moved on.” Andy swallows. “You don’t come up in conversation.” 

Trevor doesn’t look as though he believes him. Andy is so preoccupied with trying to keep his cool that he doesn’t see Sid walk in through the door. It’s not until Sid slides an arm across his back and bends down to kiss him that he notices he’s there. Andy’s caught off-guard; Sid never kisses him in public like this, but when he pulls away and tilts his head subtly to the side, it’s as though he’s asking _are you okay?_ Andy looks at him and then smiles. _Now I am._

“Hey,” Andy says, his voice a little raw. He clears his throat. 

“Sorry I’m late,” Sid says. He kisses Andy one more time and then stands up and turns to Trevor. He holds out a hand. “I’m Sid.”

Trevor’s eyes look him up and down. Sid is at least six inches taller. He finally holds out his hand and shakes Sid’s.

“I’m Trevor.”

“Do you work at the hospital, too?” Sid asks. “I haven’t met all the nurses yet.”

Andy tries to keep his expression neutral. Sid knows exactly who Trevor is and Andy suspects this is some sort of powerplay. 

“No. Andy’s my ex. We were together for a long time.” 

“Oh, sure,” says Sid with a shrug. He still has a hand on Andy’s back and his thumb is rubbing circles at the base of his neck. It’s comforting. “There aren’t any tables,” he says to Andy. “Do you want to stay and wait or go somewhere else?”

“How long have you guys been a thing?” Trevor asks.

Sid slowly pulls his eyes from Andy back to Trevor. “About a year. Little more.”

Trevor nods appreciatively. “I’m surprised.”

Sid raises his eyebrows. “And why is that?”

“I’m surprised Andy hasn’t sucked you of all your energy. Having to be someone’s rock is exhausting. Don’t get me wrong, the things he used to let me do to him in bed were...” Trevor closes his eyes and groans as though remembering. “Well, they were amazing. The noises he would make. Ugh. He’s always been eager to please”—

Andy wants to die.

—“but he takes and takes. It’s really difficult always having to deal with someone who isn’t strong enough to help themselves, you know what I mean? The low self-esteem, the depression, the—”

“Maybe you knew a different Andy. The version I have isn’t like that. But you have a good night.” To Andy Sid says, “You want to stay or you want to go home?”

Trevor inserts himself back in between Andy and Sid. “Home? You guys live together?”

“Never mind,” Sid says, “I’m making the decision. You pay for that drink yet?”

Andy nods.

“Great. Let’s go home. We’ll get your car tomorrow.”

Andy nods again and stands up. Trevor grabs his arm before he can follow Sid. He whispers into his ear, “You’ll never be good enough for him.” Andy pulls himself out of Trevor’s grasp.

“You don’t know me anymore,” he says. 

Sid takes his hand and leads him out of the bar. He holds it all the way to his truck before stopping and turned around. “Okay, for real, what the fuck did you see in that guy?”

Andy shrugs. “He wasn’t like that when we first got together. Or, I mean, he was, but he hid it well.”

“What’d he say to you before we left?”

“I don’t know. Nothing.”

Sid unlocks his truck and opens the passenger side door. Andy climbs in but Sid doesn’t close the door. 

“Fine,” Andy says, “he said I would never be good enough for you.”

Sid rolls his eyes. “What an asshole. You don’t believe his crap, do you?”

Andy shakes his head. “No.” He takes hold of the front of Sid’s jacket and pulls him closer. “I stopped believing in his crap a long time ago. I try to forget that part of my life ever happened.”

“Good.” Sid kisses him and it’s a little dirtier than Andy’s expecting. He closes the door and goes around to the other side of his truck. Andy looks back at the bar front and sees Trevor at the door way watching them. Andy quickly looks away as Sid gets in and turns the car on. 

“It’s cold,” Andy says. 

The sound of Sid’s phone vibrating against the dashboard fills the truck. He grabs it and groans.

“Hannah,” he says. He takes a deep breath and hits answer. “Hey, Hannah, what’s up?”

Andy puts his hands in front of the vents to warm them up. He’s hungry. They’re definitely going to have to stop to get something on the way home. He doesn’t think they have anything in the kitchen worth cooking, although he could probably improvise if he needs to.

“Kai? What’s wrong?” Sid puts the truck in drive and starts pulling out of the parking spot. “Hold on, I’m coming. Talk to Andy, okay?” Sid practically throws the phone to Andy. “I can’t talk and drive,” he says.

Andy almost drops it putting it to his ear. “Kai? What’s up, little man?”

“Mommy.”

“Okay, tell me what’s wrong with Mommy.”

“She screamed and started shaking and she fell. She’s in the bathroom. I think she cut her hair.”

“She cut her hair?” Andy repeats.

“Yeah.”

Andy tries to think. “Is there blood on the floor?”

“Yeah.”

“Where are you?”

“Can you come pick me up? I’m scared and no one is home.”

“Yeah, little man, we’re on our way now.”

Andy reaches into his pocket and pulls out his own cell phone. He can’t remember Hannah’s address, so he has to ask Sid. He tells Kai to stay on the phone and he puts Sid’s phone on mute so he can use his to call 911. He tells them the basics. 22 Hampton Street. Apartment 3C. Heroin overdose. Possible head injury but they’re not there to assess the situation. He avoids the question of how they know about this. Andy quickly hangs up and goes back to the phone with Kai. 

When they pull into the apartment complex, Sid stops in front of the building instead of trying to find a parking spot. Andy puts the phone on mute before handing it to Sid. He grabs his arm to stop him from running up the stairs.

“Look. When we get up there, you need to take Kai and go home.”

“What? Why?”

“Because no one needs to get wind that he’s here. Last time Felicia took him to a foster home for the weekend. If he’s already at your house then no one will have to know about him.”

Sid nods. “Okay.” He takes the phone from Andy, unmutes it, and puts it to his ear. “Hey, Kai, can you come unlock the front door for me?”

Everything happens in such a blur. Andy follows Sid up two flights of stairs to the third floor. Kai stands in the doorway to the apartment. Andy touches the top of Kai’s head as he passes, but his focus is to find Hannah. There’s a distinct smell of dust or dirt in the apartment and he sneezes twice before going into the bathroom. Hannah is there, on the floor. There’s blood on the countertop and matted into her hair. She must have hit her head as she fell. He feels for a pulse, listens for a breath. It’s there, it’s faint. Andy turns her over so that she’s on her side. She’s still unconscious. 

Andy knows about children. He’s never dealt with a drug overdose before. He starts calling Hannah’s name. Over and over. He rubs his knuckles into her breastbone. Her eyes stay closed. 

“What the hell, Hannah?” he says, mostly to himself, but also to her. “What are you even thinking?”

She doesn’t stir so he leaves her on her side; it should be easier for her to breathe this way. He pushes her hair to the side, looking for the cut. It’s deep, she’ll need stitches, but it probably wasn’t hard enough to knock her out. He grabs a dirty hand-towel from next to the sink and wets it with cold water. He starts to clean some of the blood out of her hair and around the cut. When he sees it’s still bleeding, he presses the towel against it to hopefully stop it. 

He hears two voices so he calls out for them. When the paramedics walk into the bathroom, Andy moves all the way to the side. 

“This is Hannah,” he says.

One of the paramedics kneels down next to her immediately and begins to assess. The other one asks, “What did she take?”

“I haven’t had a chance to look around,” says Andy. “But she’s known to use heroin.”

“Cool,” the medic says dryly. “Anything else?”

“I really don’t know. I’ve only been here a few minutes. I’m a nurse at Children’s – I don’t really ever see overdoses. But she hit her head and her – uh – neighbor said she screamed and started shaking before she fell. I assume some sort of seizure.”

They make quick work of administering a nasal spray to wake Hannah up. She doesn’t make any sense as she rouses, and when she looks at Andy she starts to shout. He backs out of the bathroom and goes to wait by the front door for the medics to finish so he can go with them to the hospital. 

He almost walks into Sid as Sid comes through the open door.

“Why are you still here? Where’s Kai?” Andy whispers.

“He’s in the truck.” Sid holds out his keys. “I told him to lock the doors. You should take him home.”

“What? Why?”

“She’s my sister. I should be the one to go to the hospital with her.”

Andy nods. “Okay,” he says. He takes the keys. “How will you get home?”

“Taxi, I guess. Who knows how long I’ll be there. Is that her yelling?”

Andy nods. “Yeah. They gave her Narcan to counteract whatever she took. It’ll wear off soon. She hit her head, she’ll need stitches. You need to call me when you know something from the doctors there. And then you need to call Felicia and tell her what happened, because this is absolutely the time to get custody of Kai. Felicia can tell you the right people to talk to. Hannah can’t do this to him anymore. It’s crap. You should’ve seen her lying there in the bathroom. It’s not right.”

“Are you done ranting?”

“Yeah.”

“Kai is scared. It’s past his bedtime, but I told him you’d watch a movie with him when you got him home.”

“Okay.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For caring enough about Kai to get pissed off at Hannah.”

“Oh,” says Andy, surprised. “I mean. I love that kid.”

Sid kisses Andy’s temple and goes down the hallway to where the paramedics are talking. Andy takes a deep breath and starts to leave, but he looks around him. It’s the first time he’s been inside Hannah’s apartment. There’s a TV sitting on three cement blocks, a DVD player on the floor next to it. The sofa is leather and covered in strips of duct tape, the coffee table has a sticky film on top, and the lamps are all missing their shades. There’s a bookshelf against one wall that doesn’t have any books, but on the top shelf looks to be a pipe and a small bag of something, maybe weed. There’s a shoebox on there, too, and Andy goes over and picks it up. He takes the lid off and looks inside. There’s a bunch of rolled-up cash. He drops the box back on the shelf. He wants nothing to do with this place. It’s dark and depressing and the only sign that there’s a child here is a small wooden train in the corner of the living room.

Andy quickly leaves and goes down the stairs back to Sid’s truck. It’s parked directly in front of the ambulance and he gets into the driver’s seat. Kai is bundled up in his heaviest coat. Sid has already gotten his car-seat out of the back and buckled it in place. Andy helps Kai take off his coat so he can snap him safely into place.

“Ready?”

Kai nods. “You and me?”

Andy smiles. “Yeah. Is that all right?”

“Yeah, but is Mommy in trouble?”

“No, Sid is going to make sure she’s okay.”

“Can I spend the night?”

“Absolutely. Let’s get out of here.”

The drive home is quiet. Andy isn’t sure what to say and he’s still so mad and disgusted that he doesn’t know how to be nice about Hannah right now, and he knows Kai doesn’t need to hear him complain about his mother. He pulls into their driveway and helps Kai out of his car-seat and they both run to the front door to get out of the cold. He tells Kai to go change into pajamas and meet him back downstairs so they can pick out a movie to watch. He goes to his own room to change as well, but pulls out his phone as he walks up the stairs. 

_Hannah OD’ed. Sid is going with medics in ambulance to Mercy. I’m home with Kai._

Piper texts back almost immediately. _I’m on my way to Mercy as soon as I find my shoes._

Kai picks out a Disney movie and Andy makes popcorn and hot chocolate when Kai says he hasn’t had dinner yet. He only lasts through one small bowl and twenty minutes of the movie before he falls asleep on the sofa and Andy has to search for a blanket to cover him up. Andy’s phone pings a couple of times with texts from Piper about her conversations with the doctor and a few from Sid asking how Kai is.

Andy doesn’t know when exactly he falls asleep next to Kai, but he wakes up when he hears the front door open. Sid and Piper both walk in and Sid looks almost hollow. He comes into the living room and sees Kai and gently picks him up. 

“I’ll take him to bed,” he says and immediately walks up the stairs with him.

“Thank you for going to the hospital,” Andy says to Piper. She’s in pajamas with a pair of rainboots and a heavy winter coat. Her hair is tied back in a knot at the nape of her neck. She looks exhausted.

“Of course. She’s still there, but she has a room. There’s other stuff, but I’ll let Sid tell you.” She kisses Andy’s cheek. “I’m going home and to bed. Call me later, but not until at least noon. I need sleep.”

“You’re a great friend, Pipes.”

“The best,” she agrees.

Andy locks the front door behind her and goes upstairs. Sid is already in their room. He’s sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands, elbows on his knees, but he looks up at Andy when he walks in. His eyes look slightly vacant. He blinks.

“What happened? You look awful.”

“The addiction drains me,” he says. “The not believing there’s a problem.”

Andy kneels in front of Sid. “I’m sorry.”

“She’s pregnant.”

“Who is?” asks Andy.

“Hannah.”

“Who told you that?”

“The doctor told Hannah. I guess they ran some blood tests.”

“This is terrible news.”

“I told her to get an abortion,” Sid says. “I told her she’s going to kill this baby either way.”

Andy is horrified. “Seriously.”

“The doctor told me she can’t get one legally in this state. She’s already fifteen weeks pregnant. Past the legal date.” Sid presses the heels of his hands against his eyes. “Fuck. This is – _fuck_. Fifteen weeks and she didn’t even know. She doesn’t know who the father is either. ‘Could be a dozen different guys,’ she said. A _dozen_.” Sid drops his hands. “They ran tests for STDs and all kinds of shit.” He stands up. “I need to take a shower. Wash the hospital smell off me.” 

He walks past Andy and goes into their bathroom. His exit is so abrupt Andy isn’t sure how to process it. He stays kneeling for a moment before following. Sid has already removed his shirt and thrown it on the floor. His shoes and socks are gone and he’s undone the top button of his jeans. Andy goes to the shower and turns it on. Sid rubs at his face and Andy wonders if he keeps messing with his eyes to try to keep himself from crying.

“Come here,” Andy says quietly. 

Sid looks broken in a way Andy’s never seen. He doesn’t know what to do, so he makes sure the water is warm and helps Sid finish undressing. He takes Sid’s face in his hands and guides it down towards him. His kisses are soft, but deep, and when he pulls away he says, “We’ll deal with whatever happens. If she keeps the baby, we’ll help her. If it makes it full-term, we can give it a home here with Kai.”

“What the fuck would I do with an actual baby?” Sid says, shaking his head. “I never wanted to be a dad. I didn’t want to screw anyone up like I was.”

“You’re doing more than fine. You’re doing amazing.”

Sid keeps shaking his head.

“Stop,” says Andy in a tone that is surprisingly harsh. “Take a shower before the water gets cold and we can talk about it when you’re in a better headspace.” 

He leaves the bathroom and goes back downstairs. He makes sure everything is locked up and turns off all the lights. When he gets back to their room, Sid is done, hair still wet, but is in a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Andy sits on the edge of the bed and looks up at him. Sid paces in silence.

“Talk to me,” says Andy. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

Sid stops walking. “I’m mad,” he says.

“At Hannah?”

“Maybe it’s because my dad never smacked her around like he did me, but sometimes I feel like I’m one of those paper bodies at shooting ranges. Covered in bullet holes, you know? Like pieces of me are broken and torn and they’ll never be complete again. She doesn’t have all these scars and shit. She’s just enough younger than me that I dunno if she remembers when they were both really in the throes of it.”

“Throes of what?”

“Their addictions. When Mom was leaving needles in the bathroom. Or Dad—” Sid stops talking. He takes a deep breath as though to steady himself. “I know Hannah remembers being ignored. I don’t know that she remembers what it’s like finding our parents passed out or shaking on the ground and crying for another fix.”

“Sid, god – you break my heart with these stories.”

“You have no idea what it was like.”

“I know I don’t.” Andy stands and grabs one of Sid’s hands. “Sometimes it feels like you want to push me away when stuff happens with Hannah or when it brings up bad memories from when you were a kid. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Sid looks past Andy. “I’m mad,” he says again, “at Hannah. How she can do this to Kai? And a new baby? She’s going to lose him. I called Felicia and George both from the hospital. They’re going to ask for an emergency hearing or something so I can get custody of Kai. I’m not sure. Felicia said she’d stay close to Kai this time. Wouldn’t hand him over or something – whatever that means.”

“Good,” says Andy firmly. “He’s safe here. And loved.”

“I don’t think she’ll fight it,” says Sid. “And that makes me mad, too.”

“Why?”

“Because she should love him enough to want to keep him.”

“Sid, she’s sick. I don’t think she’s able to know what loving someone is right now. Maybe if she gets clean.”

“What about this baby?”

“She’s fifteen weeks. A lot can happen in the next twenty-five before she gives birth. But let’s assume she has the baby. You call George and Felicia and we do it all over again and we take Kai and we take his new sister or brother.”

“I can’t afford a baby. I don’t even like babies.”

“We can afford another kid. You’ve seen my paychecks and I don’t have any debt except my car payment.”

“This shouldn’t be your burden.”

Andy shakes his head. “You’re impossible sometimes,” he snaps. “None of this is a burden. Look at me.”

Sid does.

“I’m here because I want to be with you. Full stop. You’re it for me. Kai sweetens the deal because he’s so great, but I’m here for _you_. Whether it’s you alone, you with Kai, you with two kids, I’m here. Stop acting like you’re in this all by yourself. You’re not. I know you don’t like asking for help with Kai, but you’ve blown through all your savings between the house and the lawyer. Whatever else comes our way, let me help you.”

“That’s hard for me. I’ve never had anyone to depend on before you.”

“Because they didn’t want to or because you pushed them away?”

“No one ever stuck around long enough,” Sid admits, “… or I didn’t let them stick around.”

“Let’s try to get some sleep. You’ll feel better when you’re not so exhausted.”

Sid lets Andy pull him to their bed. Andy turns off the lights and molds himself around Sid’s back. He kisses Sid’s shoulder and closes his eyes. Sid holds Andy’s hands against his chest. Andy doesn’t want to worry. He wants to fall asleep knowing that they can face all this together, seamlessly. But he knows it’s going to be hard for Sid to trust him. 

Andy knows that Sid wants him here, he wants him to be part of his life, but he’s still built a border between him and Kai. It’s split Sid down the middle. There’s the Sid who’s with Andy, and there’s the Sid who’s playing the part of a father. Sometimes Sid opens up the border, like he did tonight, and asks for help, but otherwise Andy knows he’s sitting on the outside of Sid’s life with Kai. They may all eat dinner together or go to the park, but it’s like Andy’s looking through a window into this life. Never quite fully there to be a real member of this family. He wants it. He wants to be a real part of it. He wants Sid to want it, too.

Sid turns over and slides his body over Andy’s. Andy isn’t sure what Sid needs right now, but he wants to give whatever he can. He lets Sid turn him over and take him, hard and rough, as though pushing whatever anger he has into Andy. When he’s done and calm, he kisses the back of Andy’s neck and mumbles “I love you” and “I’m sorry” into his skin.

* * *

The next day is cold, but the air is still, and Kai wants to go to the park. Sid makes sure he has his scarf and gloves before they leave to walk the half-mile to the playground at the end of the street. Kai skips ahead of them down the sidewalk. Andy shoves his hands in his pockets and wills himself to warm up. 

No one else is at the playground. Sid pushes Kai on the swings for a while and then holds him around the middle as he goes across the monkey bars. Sid is too tall for the slides, so Andy goes down with him instead. Someone has left a bucket and a shovel in the sandbox, so Kai goes to play with those while Andy and Sid sit on one of the benches nearby. Sid offers Andy his arm, and Andy loops his around Sid’s elbow. 

“You’ve been really quiet today.”

Sid shrugs. “I have to call out of work tomorrow.”

“Why?”

“George called before we left. There’s a hearing at eleven.”

“You knew this whole time?”

“I didn’t want to say anything and have Kai ask questions.”

“That’s a big deal.” Andy looks at Sid, but Sid’s focus is on Kai. 

“I have to bring Kai in case the judge wants to talk to him.”

“He’ll be in the courtroom?” Andy asks, alarmed.

“No, George said Felicia would sit with him but I was kind of hoping you’d do it. I don’t want him to get scared about why we’re there.”

Andy nods. “Yeah, of course I’ll sit with him.”

“I have to figure out how to tell him what’s happening.”

“I think you tell him his mom is sick and you want him to live with us, but it’s complicated and a judge has to say it’s okay.”

Sid doesn’t say anything, but Andy can tell he’s lost in thought. He looks almost sad.

“What’s wrong? Are you afraid you won’t get Kai?”

“No, I’m not worried. Which is actually the thing that’s kind of upsetting. It shouldn’t be easy, but Hannah won’t fight it so …” Sid sighs. “I never wanted this life, you know.”

“What life?”

“I never wanted to be married and have kids and a house. I love Kai and I want him, I really do, but I never imagined this would be my life. I had a bike once.”

Andy blinks, trying to follow Sid’s train of thought. “What kind of bike?”

“Like a motorcycle. Nothing interesting, a crappy little Honda. It was when I was working at the sanitation department and also bartending. It felt like I was rolling in money, but I lived in the shittiest apartment and I should’ve bought a couch, you know? But I got that bike and a lumpy futon. I ate dinner off a folding table. Hannah got pregnant. She said she was clean the whole pregnancy and she had Kai and he’s, like, maybe six or seven weeks old, and I go to visit her and he’s screaming in his crib and she’s on the back porch smoking weed. Said she needed to calm herself down because he wouldn’t quit crying. So I stayed there and took care of him. I would’ve taken him back to my place, but I couldn’t strap a car-seat to the back of a bike.”

“Right. Where’s the bike now?”

“I sold it. Maybe a month later. I didn’t have a car. I was using that and then James lived in the apartment below me so sometimes he’d let me borrow his car or give me a ride if it was raining. I got the truck instead. I mean, it’s old but it has the backseat, big enough for the car-seat. Kai was only two months when he started spending the night at my place. I had one of those portable cribs for him. I took him to all his check-ups and things. Hannah couldn’t handle it and maybe I enabled her, but whenever I’ve left Kai with her – well, you’ve seen it firsthand now.”

“Yeah.”

“Anyway. I don’t resent Kai, but I sure as shit resent Hannah. If I’d wanted a family, I could’ve found a girl to marry, but that’s not what I wanted. The choice was made for me.”

“Hearing you talk like that makes me sad.”

“Why?”

Andy shrugs. “I guess because selfishly I like being around Kai. I kind of hoped I’d get to have kids and even if it’s temporary, I like how Kai makes me feel. Kids are really weird. They’re selfish and impulsive but also hilarious and innocent. And he always looks at me like I’m the funniest person in the world.” Andy takes a deep breath before continuing. “And I’ve always kind of thought one day I’d be married – or if not, at least in something committed, long-term. I’m not a casual kind of person.”

“Uh, you think this is casual? You live in my house.”

“No, of course not.” Andy sighs. “It’s okay.”

“You take me so literally sometimes. Not wanting to get married and have a shitload of kids doesn’t mean I want to be single forever. I’d rather have the choice, though. Hannah isn’t giving me that choice. And really, she’s not giving you that choice either.”

“You’re such a reluctant family man. Too bad you’re so good at playing the part of Dad.”

Kai comes over, his hands covered in sand. Andy brushes his fingers clean and then Sid picks him up and puts him on his shoulders. Kai laughs and holds on to Sid’s chin as they leave the park and go back towards home.

* * *

The next day, Andy sits in a small conference room with Kai. He downloaded some Disney apps on his phone and is helping Kai play one of the games. He’s prepared to wait for a while, but they’re only there for forty minutes before Felicia walks into the room. She offers to wait with Kai for a few moments and tells Andy that Sid is waiting for him outside the courtroom.

Andy leaves the room and walks down the short hallway towards the courtrooms. Sid is standing off to the side, his tie already slackened and his sleeves pushed up to his elbows. His coat is crumpled on the bench behind him. As soon as he sees Andy, he walks towards him and then pulls him close. He breathes him in, his nose buried in the side of his neck. When he pulls away, Andy takes him by the shoulders.

“Well?” he says.

“He’s mine. For now. Pending a formal hearing.”

“Okay, that’s good … when is that?”

But Sid’s focus has shifted behind Andy. Andy turns and watches Hannah as she leaves the women’s bathroom and walk towards them. She has on a thick sweater, but overall she looks rough. Her hair is slick as though she hasn’t washed it in a couple days, there is purple under her eyes, and she has a distinctively gaunt look about her cheeks. She looks impossibly thin as though she’s slowly disappearing. 

“Are you happy?” she asks, her voice low. She glances at Andy. “What’re you doing here?”

“I asked him to come,” Sid answers. “And no, I’m not happy, but you didn’t leave me another choice.”

“You didn’t have to do this.”

“You didn’t fight me. If you wanted to keep him, then you should’ve said something.”

“After the picture you painted of me in there? Fuck you. I had no choice but to give him up.” Hannah scratches at her arm. “I suppose you’re gonna want this other kid, too, huh? So you can go play fucking house with your boy toy.”

Andy almost laughs. He’s never been called a boy toy before and he has no idea what to even think. There’s a tone in Hannah’s voice, nasty and borderline violent. She spits the words out like they’re poison. 

“You shouldn’t have that baby at all,” Sid says. “If you can’t stay clean, you need to get an abortion. I’ll even pay for it.”

“You fight me for Kairo, but want to kill my other one?”

“I’m not killing anything,” says Sid slowly. “You can’t stay clean. You’re worse than you’ve ever been. And if you end up killing yourself, I don’t want to have to take care of two of your kids.”

“Fuck you. I can take care of my own kid.”

“Really? Teaching Kai how to use your cell phone to call me when you’ve overdosed isn’t taking care of him. I pay for his daycare, I take him to all his doctor’s appointments, I get all his prescription refills. I bought him all his Christmas presents last year because you forgot to get him anything. But tell me more about how you take care of him. Please, I’m listening.”

Hannah scowls. She rubs her stomach. “I’ll take care of this one. You’ll see. You can’t take this one away from me.”

“You give birth to a baby addicted to something, I’ll be back in this courtroom asking for them, too. Watch me. You’re not going to raise your kids like Mom and Dad raised us.”

“You’re no better than them. We’re all fucking white trash and that’s never gonna change.”

Andy grasps Sid’s hand and squeezes it, trying to ground him. Sid’s tense shoulders relax and then he shrugs.

“I’m sorry you’re like this. I’m sorry you won’t get any help.”

Hannah spits out one more, “Fuck you,” and walks away. They both watch her go. 

“I didn’t want Kai to see her today. I thought she’d be like this after what happened in there.” He motions towards the courtroom behind him. “The judge signed off on supervised visitation, so whenever she sees him, Felicia has to be present. She’ll take him to a McDonald’s or a park or something.”

“Yikes.”

“Anyway. Where’s Kai? I guess I need to go talk to him.”

They walk back to the conference room. Felicia says goodbye to Kai, good luck to Sid, and leaves. Sid sits down at the table next to Kai. 

“What’re you playing?”

“Mickey Mouse.”

“Can I talk to you?”

Kai turns the phone upside down on the table and looks at Sid. Andy hangs back, waiting and watching. 

“So you remember what I told you yesterday about coming here?”

Kai nods.

“The judge knows how sick your mom is and he said you should come live with me.”

“Forever?”

“Maybe. At least for the next three months.”

“And then what?”

“We come back and the judge makes a final decision.”

“When do I see Mommy?”

“You’ll get to see her a couple times a month, but you’ll sleep in your room at my house every night.”

“Okay.”

“How do you feel about that?”

Kai looks like he’s thinking about something really hard. “So I don’t have to go back to Mommy’s apartment?”

“Not for a while at least, no.”

“And I get to live with you and Andy?”

“Yes.”

Kai suddenly looks as though he’s going to burst into tears. He launches himself out of the chair and into Sid’s lap. Sid hugs him.

“So that’s okay?” Sid asks, his voice rough as though there’s something caught in his throat.

“Andy, you won’t leave, right?”

“No,” Andy replies. He kneels down next to Sid and Kai. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, you weren’t always at Sid’s house and now you are. I don’t want you to leave it.”

Andy feels like someone punched him in the chest. The feeling is overwhelming and he almost can’t breathe. “I’m – I’m not—”

“He’s not going anywhere. Andy’s there permanently,” finishes Sid. “He’s new, I know, and you’re still getting to know him, but you’re stuck with him.”

“What if you get sick like Mommy? Will Andy keep me?”

“Jesus, kid,” says Sid and he turns his head away. Andy can tell by the tense in his shoulders that Sid is also overcome with unexplained emotion.

“Sid isn’t sick with the same thing your mom is,” Andy says softly. “But, yeah – if something happens to Sid, I’ll take care of you. You don’t have to be scared about that.”

“Mommy’s house is scary sometimes. I dunno if I wanna go back there.”

“Sid? Uh, I think this is something for a therapist to dissect.”

Sid looks up at Andy and nods. He seems to understand the gravity of it, so he changes the subject.

“You want to go get lunch?” he asks Kai. “Wherever you want.”

* * *

Having Kai permanently shouldn’t change anything, but it also changes everything. Andy is used to him being around every day, but what is different is the feeling that he’s so close to being theirs – or at least Sid’s. They go through the motions of work and home. Andy usually cooks and Sid does all the cleaning. Kai tries to help with both. 

Three weeks after officially living at Sid’s house, Kai sees his mom for the first time since the change. It’s the first time he’s seen her since her overdose. Felicia comes to pick him up from the house and Sid puts the car seat in her car. Sid is nervous and Andy suggests they go out for lunch themselves to take the edge off. Sid agrees and they go to PassGo and meet up with Piper and, surprisingly, Ryan.

“I guess we’re, like, exclusive or something,” Piper says. 

Andy is shocked. “Exclusive? Do you have blackmail on her?” he asks Ryan. 

Ryan smirks and shrugs. “I guess you’ll never know.”

“Can I have some of your cheese fries?”

Andy slaps Piper’s hand away. “No.” He looks at Ryan. “We’ve been friends for a decade and you’re the first boyfriend she’s had in, jeez, like, eight years.”

“He’s not my boyfriend. I don’t like that term. We’re exclusive.”

Ryan looks amused but doesn’t comment.

“Maybe he’s really good in bed,” Sid says as he picks apart the fries.

Andy’s eyes widen and Piper laughs.

“I mean, that’s good a reason as any to be exclusive with someone,” she says. She takes a swig from her beer bottle. “Right?”

“I mean … no? God, you two are the worst. Romance is so dead with the both of you.”

Ryan nods. “Very true,” he says. “I had to adjust my whole mindset with her.” He shifts in his seat and puts his weight on his elbows, leaning closer to Andy across the table. “I’ve never been with anyone who doesn’t care about dates or flowers or _any_ of it. She doesn’t cuddle either.”

“He’s a cuddler,” Piper comments.

Ryan ignores her. “I didn’t even know I missed affection until she came along.”

“That’s why the two of them are best friends,” says Andy. “We should exchange numbers and form a support group.”

“What should we call it?”

“Missed Romance? For those who are in exclusive relationships with people who are with us only for the sex.”

“I’m in.” Ryan sits back in the booth and drinks from his beer. 

Piper laughs and nudges him, but when Andy looks at Sid, he seems contemplative, as though maybe Andy said something wrong.

“You know that’s not the only reason why I’m with you,” Sid says.

“I know.”

“Do you?”

Andy wants to say something, but their waitress comes by with another round of beer of him, Piper, and Ryan, and a refill of Coke for Sid. Piper orders food and Ryan asks for a salad with dressing on the side. 

Piper must sense the unexpected tension because she immediately launches into a story about a stray dog her neighbor took in and now the entire apartment has to be fumigated for fleas. Andy wonders if she’s making it up to move the conversation along, but either way, he’s grateful. She gets Sid to join in and soon they’re all laughing and enjoying their time. 

They stay for an hour before it’s time for them to go back home and meet Felicia. Sid puts his arm around Andy’s shoulders as they walk towards his truck. It’s an unusual move, and Andy wonders what brings it on. Once in the truck, Sid turns it on, but keeps it in park. He drums his thumbs against the steering wheel.

“You know,” he says, “there’s a lot of reasons why I’m with you. Sex isn’t number one.”

“I was joking about that.”

“Are you sure?” Sid turns to face him. “Look, I don’t really say it a lot because it’s not really a natural thing for me, but sex is probably the third reason why we’re together. The second is you keep my life interesting and exciting. You keep sex exciting, too.” He looks contemplative again. “So maybe sex is reason two _and_ three both … It doesn’t matter.”

“I don’t think I’m exciting.”

“You are. It’s subtle sometimes, but it’s there and I like it.”

“What’s the first reason, then?”

Sid narrows his eyebrows. “Really?”

Andy shrugs.

Sid’s face softens. “Because I love you. I think that’s an obvious answer.”

Andy’s heart skips. “Shit, you say that like it’s such an easy answer.”

“Uh, it _is_ an easy answer. You just don’t believe you’re loveable.”

“Felicia is probably at home.” 

“Don’t change the subject.” 

“Okay, but she really could be waiting on us.”

Sid cradles Andy’s jaw in his hand. He rubs his thumb across his cheekbone and then sighs. He drops his hand, changes gear, and pulls out of the parking space. It’s a quick drive home and Felicia is ringing the doorbell when they park in the driveway. They get out of the car and when Kai sees Sid, he starts to cry and runs to him. Sid drops down and scoops him up and holds him tight as Kai sobs into his shoulder.

“What happened?” Andy asks Felicia. 

Sid tries to wait for her to answer, but Kai is so upset that he ends up taking him inside the house. Andy goes to follow but stops and turns so he can hear the story.

“Well. She was late. I almost left with him, but he was still eating his Happy Meal so I planned on letting him finish and then bringing him home.”

“How late?”

“Almost thirty minutes. She stayed for about fifteen. Got mad that he wanted to play on the playground outside because she said this was their time together. She tried to get me to leave, but I wouldn’t. Then she got up and went to the bathroom for another fifteen minutes.”

“Okay, but why is Kai so upset?”

Felicia smiles sadly and Andy already feels a little dumb. “Because she’s his mom. It’s in his DNA to want his mom and she barely visited him before leaving. He may not understand what being an addict means yet, but he knows there’s something more important than him. We have another visit with her soon. You should probably find him a therapist.”

“Yeah, we’ve talked about that, actually.”

Felicia nods. “You know my number if you need anything, otherwise, same time, same place in two weeks. If she continues this behavior, seeing her may not be in Kai’s best interest. We’ll have to wait and see.”

Andy thanks her and walks into the house. He finds Sid on the sofa with Kai in his lap. There’s no more tears and when he gets closer, it looks like Kai is actually asleep.

“Exhausted?” asks Andy. He smooths the hair away from Kai’s forehead. “He needs a haircut.”

“Yeah,” agrees Sid. He drops his head to the back of the cushion and looks up at Andy behind him. “I think I’ll let him sleep for a bit before talking to him.”

Andy leans down and kisses Sid’s mouth. “It’ll be okay,” he says. “I promise.”

Sid smiles and nods and looks like he almost believes him.

* * *

**Sunday Afternoon**

Sid pulls the car into Andy’s mom’s driveway. He undoes his seatbelt and is halfway to the front door when it opens and Kai and Kaitlyn run out. Kaitlyn’s short legs have to work twice as fast to keep up with her brother, but she manages to make it to Sid at the same time Kai does. He bends down and catches them both mid-run. He kisses the top of Kaitlyn’s head and tells them he missed them.

Kaitlyn pulls herself out of Sid’s arms and launches herself into Andy’s. Sid turns, still crouched on the driveway, and watches Andy pick her up. His smile reaches to his eyes.

“Hey, Kay Kay,” he says.

“Hi, Dee Dee,” she says and buries her face in his neck.

Sid stands.

“Did you have a good time?” Andy asks.

“I had ice cream for breakfast.”

“No, no, no,” Andy’s mom says. Sid didn’t notice her walking outside, but she stands near the opened door. “She did not have ice cream for breakfast.”

“It was waffles with whip cream and chocolate sauce,” Kai says. 

Andy’s mom shrugs. “You know my waffles are delicious. Come inside and tell me about the wedding. How gorgeous did Piper look?”

“She was perfect,” Andy says.

They follow Andy’s mom back inside her house. She grabs a few toys off the sofa and puts them in the kids’ overnight bags. She sits on the newly cleared cushion and motions for everyone to sit down and join her. Sid sits next to her. She eyes Andy and Sid knows she’s waiting for him to tell her.

Andy sits in an armchair next to the couch. Kaitlyn curls in his lap. “Were you good for Grandma?”

“The best,” Kaitlyn says. “I promise, I really was.”

“They were both perfect,” Andy’s mom says. “Tell me about the wedding.”

“I want to hear about their weekend.”

She rolls her eyes. “They were spoiled all weekend. I didn’t make them eat a single vegetable and Kai helped me with my new puzzle.” She nods towards the dining room where she puts together enormous puzzles, five-thousand pieces, for fun. Sid offered to buy her a dictionary once so she could really appreciate the definition of the word _fun_ , but she merely took the challenge and photocopied the page from Webster’s herself and put it in a frame on the wall behind the table.

“Fine,” Andy says. “Piper was beautiful, which she is every day. We actually went out dancing the night they got married. Just the four of us.”

“Really?”

“Andy danced with Ryan for three songs,” Sid says.

“That’s because you kidnapped Piper.”

“Yeah, well, we needed to talk.”

“You two are so weird.”

Sid shrugs and smirks. Andy’s mom reaches over and pats his knee reassuringly.

“Anyway,” Andy says, “it was lovely. It was fun.”

Andy’s mom looks as though she might explode. “That’s great. I know you missed the kids, but you enjoyed it, right?”

“Yes,” Andy says.

“Yeah,” Sid echoes. “More than I thought I would.”

“You should do it more often. All parents need a break from time to time.”

“Maybe,” Sid concedes. But he knows he’ll never ask her to watch the kids again. Andy might, but it’ll never be his idea. He won’t fight it, and honestly he’ll probably enjoy the time alone with Andy, but being away from them is a weird thing he can’t put into words yet. 

“Can you guys go put your stuff in the back of the car?” Andy says. 

Kaitlyn clutches at his shirt, but he takes her hands and then puts her on the ground. 

“We’ll go home in a few minutes, okay? Kai, will you help her?”

Kai grabs his bag and Kaitlyn’s, too, and walks outside. When they’re safely out of earshot, Andy says to his mom, “Sid and I are engaged.”

Sid can tell she’s trying not to react. “Oh?” she says.

“You knew already, didn’t you?”

She opens her mouth and holds up her hands as though she is about to deny everything, but she lets out a breath and sighs instead. “I knew. I’m sorry. He got the photo from me. And asked for my blessing.”

“That’s a slight exaggeration,” says Sid. 

“Only slight,” she replies. “But I’m so thrilled. I really am. I’ve been dying to talk to you about it. Come here.” She holds out her arms for Andy. He gets up and crosses the room and lets his mom hug him. Then one of her hands is pulling at Sid’s shirt and bringing him in, too. “I love you both.”

Sid’s mouth feels suddenly dry and he swallows several times before having to clear his throat. Andy gives him a knowing look over his mom’s shoulder. Sid is the first to pull away, mumbling something about checking on the kids. He escapes outside – which is exactly what it feels like. There’s an ease now with Andy’s mom, almost as though she’s his mom, too, but this weekend has been overwhelming. Between watching Piper get married, asking Andy to be his officially and legally, and being away from the kids for the very first time, Sid’s brain is overloaded. 

He watches the kids chase after each other in the grass. Their bags never made it to the car. He finishes putting everything in the back, picks up Kaitlyn’s stuffed dog and Kai’s stuffed wolf from where they sat on top of the bags and puts them in the backseat. 

“Go say goodbye to your grandmother,” Sid yells.

They ran back into the house and Sid turns and puts his hands against the roof of the car, leaning against it and breathing in deep. Warm hands encircle his waist and he sighs out the breath he was holding. He turns to face Andy.

“You okay?”

Sid nods – then, no, he shakes his head. “I’m ready to go home.”

“Me too.”

“Your mom is too nice.”

“I know. She tries not to step on your toes with the kids.”

“I don’t mean – she’s fine. No complaints. Reminds me how these kids have a patchwork family.”

“It’s okay. They don’t need matching DNA to have parents and grandparents. My mom is here for them, just like me. I thought you were past all that?”

“I am, I am,” Sid argues. “It’s a reminder. That’s all.” He kisses Andy’s mouth and it turns a little dirtier than he means it to, standing out in front of his future in-law’s home with his children inside.

“You’ll need to go get the kids again. I think they’re talking her into juice boxes for the ride home.”

“It’s a ten minute drive!”

Andy shrugs as though to say, _you know how it is_. “Besides, it’s still Father’s Day and the kids haven’t given you their present yet. It’s at home.”

“I don’t deserve you,” says Sid.

“I know,” Andy replies with a laugh.

* * *

**July: Four Years Ago**

They go to see fireworks on the fourth and when they get home, it’s almost eleven. Sid carries Kai up the stairs and puts him to bed before suggesting ice cream. It’s been a tradition all summer – eating ice cream while sitting on top of the old picnic table and looking up at the stars. They are just far enough from the city that they can see a lot of stars, and the neighborhood doesn’t have any streetlights. It’s this weird thing they started doing one night and now on the nights when they’re both off the next day, Sid goes to the local ice cream shop to get a pint of ice cream as soon as Kai is tucked into bed. He tries to bring home new flavors each time and they share a spoon.

Sid is gone when Hannah comes by. She bangs her fist against the door and Andy almost doesn’t open it until he sees her through the glass at the top. He pushes his way outside and closes the door behind him, effectively blocking her from getting in.

“You’re going to wake Kai up,” he says.

“I need to see him.”

“You can – every second and fourth Saturday from two to three o’clock.”

“You can’t keep me from seein’ my own kid.”

“I can when a court order says you can’t see him.”

“Kai!” she yells, looking up at the second-story windows. “Kai!”

“Keep your voice down!” Andy snaps. 

“I want to see my son.”

“You’re high. You don’t want him to see you like this.”

“I’m fine.”

“No,” says Andy, “you’re not. Your eyes are blood shot and I can’t even see your pupils. You’ve _got_ to go. Please don’t make me call the cops.”

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you? Tell me, how’d you turn Sid?”

“Turn him?” Andy’s heart races. “What does that mean?”

“He’s never lived with anyone before. He’s not a relationship guy. But he’s got you now. How’d you manage that? And now he’s playing house with a new wife and _my_ fuckin’ kid.”

“I’m assuming I’m the wife in this scenario of yours?”

Hannah snorts. “Duh.”

“We aren’t playing house,” says Andy carefully. “We’re taking really good care of your son. You don’t have to worry. He loves you. You’re his mom, he’ll always love you. But if _you_ love _him_ , you’d go. Don’t let him see you while you’re using. He needs better memories of you.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“I will call the cops,” Andy says, standing up straighter. “I don’t want to. I don’t want Kai waking up and seeing that. But I promise if you’re still here when Sid gets back, he _will_ call them. He’s not as nice as me.”

Hannah’s frown deepens. 

“I also promise you, I love Kai. And I’m not here to replace you. Sid isn’t here to replace you. He’s not trying to be his new dad or anything, and regardless of whether you think I’m his wife, I’m not trying to be his new mom. I’m just here to help him and love him.” Headlights catch Andy’s attention and he knows they belong to Sid’s truck. “He’s home.”

Hannah whirls around and watches Sid’s truck pull into the driveway. They have the porch lights on so Andy knows Sid sees them as soon as he was halfway down the street. Sid jumps out of the truck and forgets to shut his front door.

“What the fuck, Hannah?” he demands.

“I came to see Kai,” she snaps.

“No.” He slams his car door shut. He’s not as intimidating with a pint of ice cream in his hand, but he’s still almost six-foot-four and solid. Something flashes in his eyes, anger maybe.

Andy can sense Sid is on the edge of something dangerous, so he interrupts, “Hannah and I were just talking about how Kai doesn’t need to see her like this. I think she knows it’s best to leave so we don’t have to involve the cops.”

Sid stops in front of Hannah and looks her straight in the eye. “You’re using, aren’t you? You realize your kid thought you were dead on that bathroom floor?”

Hannah is quiet.

“And you’re here now? Stop trying to fuck up his life.”

Andy takes four steps closer to Sid and places a hand on his elbow to calm him. “Give her the chance to leave.”

Hannah’s resolve seems to break ever so slightly. She swallows and for a moment, Andy wonders if she’s going to cry. 

“Are you gonna take this baby too?” she asks.

Andy and Sid’s eyes meet. Sid looks angrier and Andy knows if he lets Sid answer, it’ll only make the situation worse.

“Hannah,” Andy says slowly. “We want whatever’s best for him – or her. If you’re clean and have a good place to live, then no, we aren’t going to try to take your baby. But if you’re still doing this kind of stuff – showing up after Kai’s bedtime and yelling in our driveway – then you kind of don’t leave us a choice. Are you ever going to get clean?”

Hannah stares at him, the hatred just behind her eyes. Andy swallows and tightens his grip on Sid’s elbow. Then she wipes at her eyes and all anger is erased and replaced by something sad and dejected.

“I don’t know how to do this,” she says. “I wanna be a good mom, but I can’t. I was missing Kai, that’s why I came over.”

“It’s eleven at night,” says Sid.

Hannah shrugs like she has no concept of time. She probably doesn’t.

“He normally goes to bed between seven-thirty and eight. It was later tonight because of the Fourth, but, Jesus, Hannah Kate – you can’t come this late and expect to see him, even on a holiday.”

Andy watches Hannah. She winces, maybe at Sid’s use of her full name. 

“I dunno when he goes to bed. He doesn’t live with me, remember?”

“Common sense,” Sid snaps. “He’s a child. That seems to be something you can’t seem to understand.”

“I understand he’s a kid,” Hannah snaps back. She sniffles and sighs. 

“Do you even want to try?” Sid asks. “I mean, really? You keep saying you do, but then you use, you come over here fucked up, and when you’re supposed to see him you don’t even stay the full time.”

“I don’t know,” Hannah says slowly, actually pronouncing each word. “I do love him, but …”

“It’s that _but_ that gets you in trouble. That _but_ is why he’s here.”

Hannah nods. “I know. If I – if I can’t do it, will you take her? The baby, I mean.” Her voice is small when she asks, not laced with malice like their earlier exchange. She looks sad.

“Will you sign her over?” Sid asks. “Wait – is it a girl?”

Hannah shrugs.

“You saw a doctor?”

“No. Sometimes it feels like it’s a girl. It feels different this time than with Kai.”

“Have you gone to the doctor at all?”

“No. I did this baby thing once, it’s no big thing.”

Sid presses his lips together and squeezes his eyes shut, takes a deep breath. Andy knows this is Sid at the end of his own sanity. He’s at a breaking point.

“Will you sign her over?” Sid asks again. “Without a fight?”

“Will you give her back if I’m clean?”

“Let’s cross that bridge if it happens.”

“I’ll sign her over.”

Sid nods. “Okay,” he says. “Okay.”

“Saturday is your day,” Andy says. “You can see Kai then. Maybe you can go to a better playground than the one at McDonald’s.”

“Sure,” Hannah replies bitterly. “I’m gonna go. Have your lawyer call me, Sid.”

Sid salutes with two lazy fingers as Hannah leaves and when her car is gone, he sags against Andy. 

“That’s not how I expected her visit to go,” Andy comments.

“I guess we just got another kid,” Sid replies.

“It’ll be okay,” says Andy. “I’m sure of it.”

* * *

Towards the end of the month, Sid signs Kai up for pre-k at the same elementary school he and Andy went to as kids. Although when he comes home, he tells Andy how awful it was.

“It’s cold and smells musty. The staff in the front office were nice, but, uh, that place looks like it’s going to fall over if the wind is strong enough.”

“I heard it’s not as good as when we were kids, but neither is this neighborhood.”

“I like the school at the hospital,” Kai says.

“It’s not a school,” Andy says. “It’s a daycare. You can’t stay there forever.”

Kai sits at the coffee table, coloring with crayons. “I don’t want to go to a new school.”

Sid sits with him and takes a piece of paper and a brown crayon. Andy opens the fridge and looks through the shelves, trying to decide what to make for dinner.

“You have to go to school in September,” Sid says. “Everyone has to go to school.”

“You don’t.”

“I did when I was your age. So did Andy.”

“What’s going to happen to Mommy’s baby?” Kai asks with absolutely no segue. 

Andy feels his eyes widen in shock. He ends up pulling out stuff to make cold sandwiches, and focuses on that while Sid answers.

“Well, your mom’s baby will be born in a few weeks and, uh, assuming everything is okay, I guess it’ll come home with us.”

“We don’t have a crib.”

“We’ll get one.”

“Is it a brother or a sister?”

“We don’t know,” says Sid. 

“I think it’s a sister.”

“Why?”

“Mommy thinks it’s a sister. We already have a me so a girl would be nice.”

Andy wants to laugh, but the look on Sid’s face is very serious. He can only imagine what is going on in Sid’s brain right now; Sid hasn’t wanted to purchase anything for Hannah’s baby yet. They don’t talk about it much, but whenever Andy brings it up, Sid looks equally pained and sad.

“What will she call you?” Kai asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Most kids have a mommy and a daddy but I don’t. Are you her dad?”

“No,” says Sid slowly, “that’s not what I am …” He looks at Andy for help, but Andy feels just as useless.

“Okay but she will need something to call you.”

When Sid doesn’t say anything, Andy jumps in, “We’ll let her figure it out. She can call us whatever she wants.”

Kai doesn’t look convinced and doesn’t say anything. Andy finishes the sandwiches and they eat quietly. 

The next week Kai is invited to a birthday party of one of the kids from his daycare class, a girl named Chloe. Her mom is a nurse up in ICU and hands Sid the invitation personally when he goes to pick up Kai after his shift. 

“She told me to bring you along,” Sid says as he drives towards Chloe’s house up in the Hidden Oaks subdivision. “I bet this HOA is insane. I think that’s the second community pool I’ve seen.”

Andy watches the houses go by as they drive through the maze of neighborhood streets. “It was nice of her to include me, considering I’m neither a parent nor your wife.”

Sid makes a noncommittal noise. “You’re the closest thing to a wife I’ll ever have,” he says. “At least everyone cuts their grass here.”

Kai sits in the backseat and holds the wrapped birthday present in his lap. Andy has no idea what five-year-old girls like, so he picked out a pink and purple LEGO set for ages 5-7. He wrapped it in turquoise paper and tucked a glittery card under the bow. Kai looks nervous, maybe even a little scared.

“What do you do at birthday parties?” he asks.

“Have you never been to a party before?” Andy asks. As soon as he says it, he knows the answer. Of course he hasn’t. Kai’s never had the chance to be a real kid before he came to live with them. “They’re fun. You’ll probably play a little. There might be some games. There will be food and snacks and then birthday cake.”

“Will there be goldfish?”

“I’m not sure,” replies Andy. “Maybe.”

“What about lemonade?”

“I bet there’s juice boxes.”

“Oh, well, that’s okay then.” Kai settles back in his car-seat and Andy turns back around. 

Sid pulls up to a large white house. It’s painted brick with blue shutters and a very trendy yellow door with a burlap wreath. There’s already ten cars in the driveway and on the side of the street. Sid sighs as he puts the car in park.

“You look like you might be sick,” Andy says.

Sid looks up at the house. “Bet everything in there is gluten-free.”

“Possibly.”

“What would I have to do to get you to take him while I go back home?”

“Not happening.”

“You’re so much better at talking to other people than I am. Especially other parents.”

“I don’t know any parents.”

“Yes, you do. All the moms from daycare – and you always talk to people at the playground.”

“At the playground?” Andy scoffs. “You mean our _neighbors_?”

“Whatever.”

“Get out of the car. It’ll be good for you.”

Andy undoes his seatbelt and gets out. He helps Kai out of the car-seat and takes his hand as they walk up the driveway. Sid walks behind them, grumbling to himself about organic carrots and avocado cake. Andy rings the doorbell.

“When have you ever had avocado cake?” he asks, feeling overly amused.

“One of the moms cornered me at daycare. Said it was Kai’s turn to bring snack and I don’t know, she started talking about all the ways you can make things healthy.”

“Is that when you had me buy a giant tub of animal crackers?”

“Yes.”

“No wonder the other parents hate you. You tried to feed their children non-organic cookies. Shameful.”

Sid rolls his eyes and the front door opens.

“Kai! I’m so glad you’re here!”

Chloe’s mom reminds Andy of Piper, perfectly curled blonde hair, slender, and lips already so red she doesn’t need makeup. 

“There’s a bouncy castle in the backyard and some snacks. Why don’t you go out and play?” she says to Kai. “Most of the kids are from your class.”

Kai looks up at Sid and his eyes look watery. Sid immediately steps forward and picks Kai up. “Come on, I’ll come with you. Let’s see if we can find some of your friends.”

Andy watches them go through the house and out the glass doors leading to the back deck. He looks at Chloe’s mom and clears his throat.

“Uh, thanks for inviting him,” he says. “He’s never actually been to a birthday party before, so he was a little scared.”

“Oh, shit, really? That’s so sad.”

Andy is taken aback. “Yeah. I’m Andy.” He holds out his hand.

She shakes it. “I’m Maribeth. I’ve seen you around the hospital. ER?”

“Yes.”

She nods. “It’s rough down there. Did you guys meet at the hospital? You and Sid. Come on, let’s go to the back.”

Andy follows her through the house. “No, we were next door neighbors when we were kids.”

“What? Are you serious?”

Andy is relieved to see the snack table is full of goldfish and pretzels and juice boxes. There’s a bucket full of ice with soda cans for the adults. There’s a platter full of fruit and cheeses and then a bowl full of chips. He doubts any of it is gluten-free. He smirks to himself when he sees it. 

“Yeah,” he replies, looking back at Maribeth, “but he’s a couple years older than me. I helped him get the job at the hospital. He needed something with better hours for Kai.”

“The kid looks just like him.”

“People say that, but Kai’s his nephew.”

Maribeth looks surprised. “Oh, I thought he was yours. Like, both of yours. He looks so much like Sid I assumed he was his father.”

“Sid has custody. Kai does belongs to him.”

“Where’s Kai’s mom?”

“Around,” Andy says. 

Maribeth doesn’t press the question further. They both turn and watch Sid in the backyard. He’s tossing plastic horseshoes with Kai and two other kids. They can’t hear him, but he seems to be narrating the game and all the kids are laughing. 

“He’s really popular with the moms from daycare, you know.”

“Uh … what? Why?”

Maribeth grins and it looks a little evil. “All those tattoos? And he’s so tall. Look at him. He’s so good with those kids. It’s really sexy.”

Andy can’t decide whether to be offended or amused. It’s a little of both. “I mean, _I_ think so, but I share a bed with him so I’m biased. Is that why you invited Kai? So you and the other moms could ogle my boyfriend?” he jokes.

“It’s an added bonus, I’ll admit” laughs Maribeth, “but no. Kai is sweet and Chloe likes him. My husband doesn’t look nearly as interesting. How many tattoos _does_ he have?”

Andy grins. “A lot more that you can’t see.”

“Nice,” Maribeth says. “I hope I’m not offending you.”

Andy shrugs. “I guess it’s too late now either way.”

The doorbell rings in the background and Maribeth excuses herself to answer it. Andy descends the deck stairs and goes into the backyard. Sid sees him and gives his handful of blue horseshoes to another kid. Kai seems comfortable now that he’s surrounded by kids from daycare and Sid and Andy go back to the deck to grab some food. There’s other parents, mostly moms, sitting and talking amongst themselves. 

Andy wonders what life would be like if they were friends with the other parents at Kai’s new school. Would they get together for playdates? Would there be monthly birthday parties and sleepovers? Their neighborhood doesn’t have a lot of kids anymore, a few but not many. Nothing like Hidden Oaks. This place was built for families. Andy wonders if this place would want families like theirs, randomly picked and put together. They have the wrong genders and the wrong DNA to be a family like Hidden Oaks is used to. But if residents are as cool and accepting as Maribeth then this might be a place they could settle into. The school district is certainly better than where they are now.

“You look like you’re thinking hard,” says Sid. He pops a grape into his mouth. Andy glances down at his plate.

“Grapes and goldfish?”

“What’s wrong with goldfish?”

“Absolutely nothing,” says Andy. “Please tell me you’re not going to drink a juice box, though.”

“No, she only has strawberry kiwi and mixed berry. I’m a fruit punch guy.”

“Of course you are.”

The kids play for a while longer before Maribeth’s husband, Marc, gathers everyone together to sing happy birthday and cut the cake. Kai looks excited as Marc cuts pieces and places them on pink paper plates. One of the other moms helps pass them out while Maribeth takes pictures. The mom says something to Kai and Andy watches as Kai’s face drops. He starts to breathe heavily as though he’s having some sort of anxiety attack. Andy doesn’t want him triggering his asthma; he left the inhaler in the car. Kai’s eyes fill with tears. 

“Go get Kai,” Andy says. His tone must have alerted Sid because he immediately stopped talking to the mom next to him and rushes over to grab Kai. The mom handing out cake looks mortified as she talks to Sid. 

“You can take him inside,” Maribeth says, coming up next to Andy. “Is he okay?”

“I don’t know what happened,” Andy says.

“We’ll save him some cake. Don’t worry.”

Andy steps in front of Sid, who has Kai in his arms, and motions for him to follow. They go into the house and close the French doors behind them. Sid sits Kai down on the sofa and kneels in front of him. Andy sits next to him and rubs his back.

“What happened?”

“The mom said she asked Kai to ask his mom or dad if it was okay for him to have cake.” Sid smooths the hair away from Kai’s forehead. “And Kai started crying because—”

“I don’t have a mom or dad.”

“You have a mom,” says Sid. “You don’t live with her, but you have one.”

“All my friends have a mommy and a daddy. I don’t.”

“We talked about this before,” Sid says. “You have a Sid and you have a Andy. That’s pretty cool. None of your friends have a Sid and a Andy.”

“But I want a mommy and a daddy.”

“You’ve never had a dad.”

“Why can’t you be my dad?” asks Kai. “And my new sister needs a dad, too.”

“I’m your uncle,” says Sid. “I can’t be your dad.”

“Why? Why don’t you wanna be my dad?”

Sid is quiet. He looks over at Andy, as though silently asking for help.

“Sid wants to be your dad,” says Andy. “It’s why we had to go to court, do you remember? So he could ask a judge if you could live with Sid permanently. You’ve always called him Sid. Kids can call their dads all kinds of things. It doesn’t have to be _daddy_.”

“What other names is there?”

“Well, let me think. There’s all kinds of languages out there. ‘Dad’ is what we say in English, but there’s … let me think … padre, pop, babbo, daddio, vader—”

“Vader!” Kai laughs through his tears.

“It’s true. Vader means dad in a lot of languages, actually. There’s also père, tad …” Andy shrugs. “I bet we can come up with something for Sid that you both like that isn’t ‘dad.’”

“Okay,” says Kai. 

“You can’t call me Vader,” Sid jokes. He musses Kai’s hair. “Or daddio.”

“What about Tad?” Andy suggests. “It sounds like dad, but it’s different.”

Kai nods. “Okay.”

“Is that what you’d like?” Sid asks, all seriousness back. “Will that make you feel better?”

Kai nods again.

“And so if someone asks you where your dad is, you’ll know they mean me, right?”

Kai nods a third time. “What about Andy?”

“Uh, what?” asks Andy. “What about me?”

“What do I call you?”

“Andy,” he says.

Kai shakes his head. “I wanna call you something.”

“I’m not – I’m just – I’m Andy.” He stumbles through his words, feeling overcome with emotion. It’s a tightness in his chest, but also something bright.

“Why don’t we wait and see what the baby ends up calling him,” suggests Sid. “You get to name me, and we’ll let her name Andy, okay?”

Kai seems to think on this for a minute before answering. “Okay, I guess.”

“Chloe’s mom saved you some cake,” Andy says. “Are you ready to go eat it?”

Kai nods. “Yeah.” He gets up and goes back outside. Andy goes to follow him, but Sid grabs his arm.

“You’re not ‘just Andy,’ you know.”

“Huh?”

“Kai wants you to have a nickname because you’re more than the guy who lives with me. You mean something to him.”

“I know.”

“Do you, though? I told you before you moved in how hard it is for kids like him to trust people. He trusts you. He knows you’re going to be around and take care of him. That’s why he wants to call you something.”

Andy nods.

Sid closes the gap and kisses him. “I want some cake, too,” he says.

Andy rolls his eyes. “All right, come on.”

* * *

For the first two weeks of school, Sid takes Kai and picks him up. He thinks Kai is too small to take the bus; he’s only four. Andy wants to help take the stress off having to get Kai to and from school, and wishes Sid would ask. Instead he waits until Sid asks him to join him one day to pick him up when they’re both off. They wait in the carpool line, and when Andy sees the state of their old elementary school he says, “This is nothing like I remember.”

“It hasn’t changed in over twenty years,” says Sid, “but not in a good way.”

When it’s their turn at the front of the school, Kai jumps into the back of Sid’s truck and Andy turns around to help click his seatbelt into place.

“How was school?”

“It was green’s turn to sit on the floor today.”

“What does that mean?”

“My group is green,” says Kai.

“I know, but what do you mean sit on the floor?”

“Oh! There’s twenty-eight kids but only twenty-one chairs, so every day a color sits on the circle rug.”

Andy glances at Sid who has his eyebrows furrowed together. “Uh, there’s not enough chairs in your classroom?”

“No. We read a _Pete the Cat_ book today. He’s funny.”

Andy’s eyes remain on Sid. “I think we should move.”

Sid is quiet, but Andy can tell he’s thinking.

“To where?” he asks. “Hidden Oaks?”

“Whatever district will have chairs for all the kids. Somewhere with better schools. That place is falling apart.” Andy takes out his phone and googles the school ratings. He grimaces. “It’s the lowest ranked school in the county. How come we never thought to look this up?”

Sid shrugs. “Don’t know.”

“Well … what do you think?”

“About moving?”

“Yeah.”

“I think I don’t have a down payment and I think I can’t afford to live in Hidden Oaks on what I make as an orderly.”

“Right but … I can.”

Sid lets out a breath. “You going to pay the entire mortgage payment?”

“I wouldn’t see it like that.”

“I would.”

Andy forces himself not to roll his eyes. Sid stops at a red light and drums his thumbs against the steering wheel. 

“If we got a joint bank account then it would be _our_ money and not yours versus mine.”

Sid shakes his head. “No way.”

“Why not?”

The light turns green and Sid drives again, but doesn’t answer. Andy doesn’t push it either. Instead, he spends the next couple weeks on different real estate websites, bookmarking houses within his own price range. He tries to bring up the conversation again, but Sid isn’t interested in talking about it. He’s also uninterested in talking about Hannah’s baby, which is due in four weeks. They haven’t done anything in the spare bedroom and they don’t have a car-seat. Andy has absolutely no idea how they’re going to handle bringing a baby home when they’re absolutely unprepared.

“He won’t even talk about the baby,” Andy says, pouring the rest of Piper’s wine into his glass. He looks across her dining room table at Ryan who has been nursing the same bottle of beer since he first barged into her apartment almost an hour ago.

“Maybe he’s secretly hoping there’s really not a baby,” says Piper. “He doesn’t want any more kids.”

“I know that. But the reality is, he’s getting one. He didn’t have to say yes.”

Ryan snorts into his beer.

“Do you have an opinion all of a sudden?” Andy snaps.

Ryan takes a long pull and then sets the empty bottle down. “If you actually believe that Sid didn’t think he _had_ to offer to take this baby, then you’re naïve. I don’t know him as well as you two, obviously, but what I do know is that whatever fucked-up adolescence he had, he’s trying to erase it by giving these kids the best childhood he can. There’s no way he’d let his own niece or nephew go into foster care.”

Andy groans. “Yeah, I know. You’re right. I’m just saying things because I’m frustrated and I wish he’d let me in. I thought we were getting so close, but then there are times I’m still on the outside. I want to help with the kids and be a real family, but he still treats me like his boyfriend, not an actual life partner. Sometimes I’ll get glimpses of what that life could be like, and then it’s like he realizes he’s letting me and he pushes me out again.”

Piper reaches across the table and grabs Andy’s hand and squeezes. “He loves you, you know.”

“I know.”

“No, like, he _really_ fucking loves you. But you’re both really bad at communicating with each other.”

“I guess.”

“No, I’m saying this because I _know_ ,” Piper says. “Sid and I talk a lot, actually. I’m not saying I _think_ he loves you – I’m saying I _know_ he loves you. Because he’s told me.”

Andy narrows his eyes. “If he talks to you so much about this, why doesn’t he tell me?”

“It’s because they act as each other’s therapist,” says Ryan. “If I had a dollar for every time Piper says, ‘well I was talking to Sid and…’ I’d have more money than what I make at the hospital.”

“Yeah, Sid does the same thing sometimes.” Andy sits back in the chair and sighs. He looks around the apartment and suddenly notices that there’s a new, bigger television and there’s a second bookshelf stacked full of books with creases in the spines.

“Uh … do you live here now?” He points his wine glass at Ryan. “Did you move in and no one told me?”

“He doesn’t live here,” says Piper.

Andy drinks the last of his wine. “Yes, he does. You have a new TV and another bookshelf.”

“Well, the TV is because Ryan is here so often that it made sense. He watches soccer—”

“Hockey.”

“—whatever and I didn’t have the sports channel.”

“ESPN.”

“Uh huh,” says Andy.

“And the bookshelf was because my own books were stacking up on the floor and then Ryan reads a lot – more than me – and his books were laying around everywhere, too.”

“Do you have another bottle of wine?”

“Yeah, probably. Why?”

“You’re going to need it, because I bet he’s got clothes in your closet, too, and an extra laptop charger and phone charger on his side of the bed.”

Piper narrows her eyes. “What are you trying to say?”

“He moved in and you have absolutely no idea.”

“He did not.” Piper turns her attention to Ryan. “Why are you so quiet over there?”

“I haven’t slept in my apartment in almost a month. I’ve been kind of waiting to see when you were going to figure that out and start to have a panic attack.”

“I don’t have panic attacks,” Piper barks.

“You do if someone tries to talk to you about any sort of commitment.”

“You still have your apartment, though, right?”

“Of course I do. I wouldn’t break the lease without talking to you about it. I’m not a complete psychopath.”

“Oh my god, my own boyfriend’s lived here for a month and I had no idea.” 

Andy is glad for the change in topic. He gets up and finds another bottle of wine and uncorks it. He listens as Piper lists all the reasons they shouldn’t live together and watches as Ryan nods and shrugs at each bullet point. He’s so laidback about everything. Andy wishes he could be like that. Ryan accepts all of Piper’s quirks and rolls with it, lets things happen organically. Doesn’t force it. Andy feels like he still forces things out of Sid and it makes him sad.

“Okay, you should probably sleep at your place tonight.”

Ryan shrugs. “If that’s what you want.”

“It’s not what I want, but you can’t move in without talking to me about it first. When was the last time you were even at your own place?”

“Overnight?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve slept here for the last twenty-nine nights.”

“Oh. My. God.”

“If you think you’re going to hyperventilate—”

“I’m not going to fucking hyperventilate.”

Andy looks between them. “Maybe I should go—”

“No way.” Piper shakes her head. “I need some air.” She quickly stands up and almost runs out to the balcony and shuts the door behind her.

“Sorry,” Andy says. “I should’ve kept my mouth closed.”

“It’s all right.”

“And I’m sorry I was an ass earlier about Sid. I just – it’s frustrating.”

“My girlfriend is outside having a heart attack because she thinks I surreptitiously moved in with her.”

“You kind of did.”

Ryan shrugs. “Not intentionally. The TV and the bookshelf were her ideas. She bought me the extra phone charger because I honestly kept forgetting mine at home or work. The clothes I have here are mostly pajamas and extra scrubs. One pair of jeans in case we go out. Loving her is easy. Trying to maintain at her pace is hard.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. She’s a lot like Sid.”

“She’s never told me specifics, but, uh, Sid was abused, right? As a kid, I mean.”

Andy nods. “There’s a lot there. His parents were both addicts. His sister is an addict. He’s in a constant state of trying to maintain, I think. Piper wasn’t abused, though. Not physically.” He holds Ryan’s gaze to gauge how much Piper’s told him about her life before Children’s.

“I know,” Ryan says. “And I know she probably won’t ever want to get married, definitely won’t want to have kids, but I think my life is still better with her in it. Look, I know I’m kind of the outsider of whatever friendship you have with her, and whatever friendship she has with Sid, but I hope once she’s recovered outside that she’ll actually want me to keep staying here, and I want you to know I’ll take care of her.”

“I know you will. If she tries to push you away, don’t let her. Give her a little space, enough that she feels like she can breathe, but don’t give up. She’ll expect you to give up and she won’t ever come find you if you walk away. So unless you’re prepared to throw in the towel, don’t give up. She won’t call that bluff.”

“Good to know. So right now, should I go out there or should you?”

Andy considers for a moment. “You should. I should probably work on sobering up a bit so I can go home and talk to Sid.”

“Would he call your bluff if you tried to walk away?”

“I don’t know. If you asked me that six months ago, I would’ve said he’d never come for me, but now – I think he would, which is why I’ll never test it.”

* * *

The next day Andy gets a phone call on his way home from work. His car tells him it’s Molly, which is unexpected. He has no idea when the last time was that he texted her, let alone talked to her on the phone. 

“Hey, Molls,” he says. “You okay?”

“Uh, yeah. Why?”

“Because you don’t ever call me.”

“I’m allowed to call my big brother.”

“Uh huh.”

“How are you, Andrew?”

“I’m fine. Why do you always call me Andrew?”

“Because you _won’t_ call me Molly, which is my name. And Andrew is yours.”

“You’re twenty-two and still a brat.”

“Twenty-three. Mom says your boyfriend got custody of his nephew. Is that something you say ‘congrats’ to?”

“No, and we got custody of him months ago. Has it been that long since we last talked?”

“Yeah, probably. Look, I actually am calling because I got principal part in this musical. Actually, that’s kind of a lie. I was the understudy for Éponine, but the actress has the flu or something, so I’m stepping in for the next week and a half. It’s really a part for a teenager, but, you know, I’m so tiny – we both are, thanks, _Mom_ – so I kind of look like a teenager, I guess.”

“Wow, that’s fantastic. Uh, not about the flu, but about you getting to be on stage.”

“I have two tickets to the show on Thursday and I _really_ want you and Mom there. You’ve never gotten to see me in such a part – I have solos and everything. I know you have work and plane tickets are probably crazy expensive with this late notice, but—”

“Let me talk to Mom about it.”

“The show is at seven o’clock.”

“What about Finn? He’s not coming to see you?”

Molly is quiet on the line. “Well,” she says slowly, “about that. We broke up. Which is kind of why I have an extra ticket. Don’t be mad,” she adds quickly, “but I know you and Mom didn’t like him and I only got two tickets, so—”

“It’s fine,” Andy says. “I’m not offended.” He is, a little bit, but his sister sounds so excited he doesn’t want to tell her no.

“Okay so you’ll talk to Mom?”

“Yeah, I’ll talk to Mom. Bye, Molls.”

“Love you, Andrew.”

By the time Andy pulls into the driveway, his mom has already looked up plane tickets and hotel rooms. She says if they go, she wants to leave on Tuesday and stay through Saturday to get some visiting time in with Molly and maybe see some sites of the city. Andy walks into the house and finds Sid and Kai playing Connect Four in the living room. Sid is on the floor, his back against the couch. A Disney movie is playing in the background, but the volume is turned down low. Andy sits on the sofa behind Sid and watches the game.

“How was work?”

“It was fine. Molly called me on my way home.”

Sid turns and looks up at him. “Is everything okay with her? I kind of forgot she existed, to be honest. We never talk about her.”

“I know, but she’s the understudy in some musical – don’t ask me which one, I have no idea – and the lead got sick so she’s stepping in for a week, so she asked if me and Mom would fly up and watch her.”

“To New York City? That sounds cool. When?”

“My mom wants to leave tomorrow.”

Sid turns all the way around and looks at Andy. “That’s short notice.”

“Yeah, but if you don’t want me—”

“Of course I want you to go. Don’t be insane.”

Andy frowns.

“And your mom is going to want you to be there so she can be obnoxiously proud of your little sister.”

“True.”

Sid squeezes Andy’s thigh. “You don’t have to ask my permission for these kinds of things, you know.”

“I wasn’t asking permission, I – I don’t know – I thought you should know.”

“Kai and I will be fine. We’ll have to order a bunch of pizza, but I think he’ll survive.”

“Pizza every night?” Kai asked, his eyes lighting up. 

“And some vegetables, too,” Andy says.

Sid turns back to Kai and shakes his head. “No vegetables when Andy is gone.”

“No vegetables! Broccoli is gross!”

Andy smiles at Kai and playfully rolls his eyes. “Well, I guess I’ll call my mom back and figure out how to book everything and get my shifts covered at work.”

“I can take you to the airport if you want.”

“That’d be nice.”

Andy fumbles through making dinner, his phone continuously lighting up with text messages from his mom and sister. They end up getting a two o’clock flight out and will be staying at a Hilton somewhere near Molly’s apartment. Andy’s mom uses her Hilton points so the room doesn’t cost them anything. Andy wants to pay for his plane ticket – it was over three-hundred dollars – but his mom says she’ll refuse any money from him. He resolves to at least pay for all her meals.

Once Kai is bathed and asleep in his room, Sid sits on their bed while Andy packs his bag. He offers his opinion on which shirts look the best on Andy and folds the clothes that Andy throws on the bed and puts them neatly in Andy’s suitcase. When the bag is zipped and standing near their bedroom door, Andy takes off his clothes and gets under the covers next to Sid. He has his Kindle in his hand, but doesn’t turn the screen on. Instead he turns to Sid who is watching how-to videos on the YouTube app on his phone.

“I’ll miss you,” Andy says.

Sid looks at him. “Of course you will,” he replies.

Andy rolls his eyes and turns back to his book. “Never mind.”

Sid turns over and throws his arm around Andy’s hips and pulls him closer. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll miss you, too. You’ve lived here eight months. It’ll be weird having you gone.”

“Eight months? You counted?”

Sid bites Andy’s shoulder. “Uh huh.”

“And you’ll miss me.”

“Mm hmm.” He nibbles at the crook of Andy’s shoulder. It might leave a small mark. Andy wonders if he’s being branded for his trip to New York.

“I bet when you first saw me in the hospital almost two years ago, you never imagined you’d be living with me and missing me while I traipse off to the big city.”

“Nope,” Sid confirms. “Although, you steal all the blankets when you sleep. That I won’t miss.”

Andy grins and Sid kisses him. Their books and videos get forgotten.

The next day, Sid drops both Andy and his mom off at the airport right at noon. He walks with Andy to baggage check-in and when they have to go through security, Andy’s mom excuses herself to the bathroom, even though Andy suspects she’s really giving them the chance to say goodbye. 

“Are you okay?” Andy asks.

“Yep.” Sid shoves his hands in his pockets. “I’m fine. Text me when you land.”

“I’ll text you a lot.”

“It’s okay, you should enjoy being with your family.”

Andy steps forward and loops his arms around Sid’s neck. Sid has to lean down, otherwise Andy would be on his tiptoes. He loops his own arms around Any’s middle. Andy pulls away first, but Sid cups his face in his hands and kisses him on the mouth. 

“I love you,” Sid says.

Andy’s heart jumps into his throat. “Wow. You never say that.”

“I didn’t want your plane to crash without me saying it. So, just in case.”

“Not funny,” Andy replies. “But I love you, too.”

His mom comes back from the bathroom and hugs Sid, thanks him for the ride, and then they go through the security line. The flight to New York is uneventful and Andy reads his Kindle the entire ride. When they land, they have to get a cab to their hotel; Molly has some last minute costume fittings and then a show that night, but they’re supposed to meet her for breakfast the next morning. Their hotel room has two beds and is quite nice, but Andy only cares about the view of the city. 

He’s been to New York before and he’s enjoyed each visit. They plan on doing some museums, go to Central Park and a couple of restaurants. There’s plenty to do and they haven’t made an itinerary or anything, but they know they’ll be busy. Molly’s promised to spend time with them each day. 

Andy has sent a few texts to Sid, including a picture of the city view from their hotel room. When it gets close to Kai’s bedtime, Andy asks if he can call and say goodnight. Kai tells him the next time he goes out of town he has to bring some _Pete the Cat_ books with him so he can read him his bedtime stories over FaceTime.

The next day they spend several hours with Molly, exploring parts of the city she enjoys, before she has to go to the theater. Andy and his mom eat dinner at a small restaurant Molly recommends, and then go to an off-Broadway show. It’s late when they get out, and Andy has three unread texts from Sid.

_Kai says goodnight._

_I hope you’re having fun with your mom tonight._

Then, the last one, _This bed feels really fucking weird without you on the other side of it._

Andy’s heart seizes a little because his hotel bed felt really weird last night, too. His mom was there, which kept him from being lonely, but it was an odd feeling, being away from Sid. They’d had nights away before they lived together, but that was when they were still in the same zip code and this is their first time apart since they began sharing an address. Andy figures Sid is probably doing better than he would be if he was home all alone. At least here in New York he has his mom and his sister to distract him, and a wide variety of things to entertain him. At home, he imagines he’d wallow and miss Sid and think about how cold the other side of the bed is.

Sid doesn’t respond when Andy texts him back, which is fine; he knows Sid is probably asleep. Andy wakes up the next morning to Sid’s text. _Good morning_ , it says, _I was passed out when you messaged last night. How was the play?_ Andy replies and they spend the next thirty minutes silently talking. 

Andy’s day is filled with more of the same as yesterday, only tonight they get to see Molly perform. It’s exciting. Molly plays Éponine flawlessly – or at least that’s what Andy thinks since he has no idea what any of this musical is about, but he can feel the emotion in each of Molly’s lines and hear it when she sings. It’s breathtaking how talented she really is. He never gave her enough credit before for actually following her dreams to New York and being really good at it.

It’s nearly ten when the musical is over. The theater empties, but Andy’s mom wants to go backstage. Molly already told her she could, but she’d have to wait for the theater to empty first. Andy sits in the half-empty theater and dials Sid’s number.

“Hey,” Sid answers, “how was the play?”

“Amazing,” Andy gushes. “Seriously. I am so glad I finally got to see her on stage. She was fantastic.”

“Cool. Glad you enjoyed it. What about your mom?”

“She feels the same. How’re you? How was work?”

“Work is the same every day. Transport some patients. Clean up messes. Pretend I’m not offended when a doctor snaps at me about something out of my control.”

“Oh,” Andy says. There’s something off with Sid’s voice. “How’s Kai?”

“He’s fine. Good.”

“And you?”

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine.”

“Don’t be stupid. I’m great. Tell me about your day. I want to hear more about Molly’s play.”

Andy does and Sid engages. Andy thinks Sid is honestly glad that Andy is having fun, but there’s still something different in Sid’s voice. Something hollow.

“Okay, stop,” Andy interrupts. “You’re saying all the right words, but something’s off with you.”

Sid is quiet.

“Talk to me. What happened?”

“Nothing happened,” Sid says. “I just – ugh, fuck this.”

“Excuse me?”

“No, not you. _This_. I’m surprise how much I miss you, that’s all. The first night was weird but okay. The second night was harder, but tonight? I don’t know. Everything feels off, like I don’t know what to do in this house without you in it, so I’ll be glad when you land on Saturday.”

“Oh.”

“Ignore me. I have no idea why I’m saying any of this. I’m glad you’re having fun with your mom. I really am.”

“Thanks. It’s been nice. I don’t see her as much as I probably should.”

“I know you don’t and I think it’s great that you’re there.”

Andy’s mom stands up beside him and beckons him to follow her. He knows they’re going to find Molly, but he doesn’t want to hang up. This is the most vulnerable Sid has ever been with him and he doesn’t want to end it before Sid’s ready.

“I miss you,” Andy says, hoping it’ll make Sid feel better.

“I’d expect nothing less.”

“You’re such an ass,” Andy laughs. He sobers up quickly and says, “But it’s kind of nice knowing you’re missing me, too.” He knows Sid is rolling his eyes on the other end of the line.

“Yeah.” Sid clears his throat. “I hope I didn’t bring you down. Didn’t mean to. I’m being stupid and I don’t know why. I really am glad you’re having fun.”

Andy hears something in the background, a strum or hum. “Is that your guitar?”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I was playing when you called.”

Andy’s throat tightens. “Trying to get your mind off me?”

“Yes,” says Sid. “Easy to forget you’re gone when I’m trying to learn Metallica songs.”

“Gross.”

“We can’t all be Britney fans,” Sid jokes.

“I’ll be home in less than forty-eight hours.”

“I know. I have a timer going. Go be with your mom.”

Andy nods even though he knows Sid can’t see him. He says goodbye and ends the call. He knows his mom can tell something is bothering him, but she doesn’t ask him anything until they’re back at the hotel and in pajamas. She orders ice cream from room service and they sit at the foot of her bed, the TV on the background, _Remember the Titans_ , one of Andy’s favorites. She mutes the movie halfway through and says, “Tell me.”

Andy groans. “Stop knowing me so well.”

“Stop moping.”

“I’m not.”

She gives him a pointed look and he groans again. 

“I’m fine. Sid was a bit of a mess on the phone earlier. He’s feeling weird with me gone. He’s never been like this.”

“You’ve never been gone before,” his mom says, “even when you didn’t live together, you were always a quick car ride away. I hope he’s not making you feel guilty for being here.”

“No,” Andy replies quickly, “I honestly believe he’s glad I am having a good time. He’d be upset if I wasn’t.”

“You can go home early if you want.”

“What? No, I can’t.”

“Why not?”

Andy pauses. “Our tickets are for Saturday.”

“Change yours. There’s plenty of flights for tomorrow, I’m sure.”

“I can’t leave you.”

“Sure you can. I have a list of things I want to do and see that I don’t think you’d enjoy, say, the _Vagina Monologues_.”

“Oh god!” Andy cries, covering his ears. “You can’t say that to me.”

“What, vagina? Because I’m your mom or because you’re gay?”

“Either – take your pick!”

His mom laughs and holds her stomach. He forgot how funny she could be. He takes their empty ice cream bowls and puts them in the hallway just outside their door. She unmutes the movie, but Andy goes back to his own bed and grabs his phone to look for flights home in the morning. It’ll be Friday, one of their days off together. He wonders what Sid’s plans are, whether he is going to meet James or Piper for lunch, work around the yard, or maybe go rock climbing. He hopes it’s one of those things instead of playing sad songs on his guitar.

When he looks over at his mom, she’s asleep, the TV lighting up her face. He sighs. He doesn’t want to leave her in New York alone, but ever since his phone call with Sid, he can’t stop thinking about how nice it would be to be home. He gets up and goes into the bathroom and shuts the door so his mom won’t hear when he calls the airline. 

* * *

Andy has to wake up at three-thirty in the morning to get ready and catch a cab to the airport. It feels like a whirlwind of security lines, take-offs, landings, and baggage claims, but he’s back in his home state and waiting on an Uber to take him home. He thinks he’s timed it just right where he’ll get home right when Sid usually leaves to take Kai to school and he can surprise them both, but when his car pulls up to the house, Sid’s truck is gone. 

Cursing under his breath, Andy walks up the driveway and uses his key to unlock the front door. Maybe Sid will drop Kai off and come straight home. Andy waits, but the closer it gets to eight-thirty and he’s cursing again, figuring Sid must have decided to run errands or something instead of coming back to the house.

Then – just as Andy is about to go take a nap – he hears Sid’s truck in the driveway. He walks out onto the front porch and leans against the railing. When Sid gets out of his truck, he has a white coffee cup in his hands. Andy laughs to himself; Sid’s morning errand was a trip to Starbucks. Sid doesn’t see Andy right away, but once he does, his body stills, as though in shocked.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he says. He puts the cup down on the hood of his truck and approaches Andy. There’s something primal in his step and heat rushes through Andy’s body as he watches him come closer.

“I took a flight this morning.”

Sid pushes the hair off Andy’s forehead. “Why?”

“I missed you.”

Sid cups Andy’s face with both his hands, runs his thumbs along Andy’s cheekbones. “And? Is that all?”

“You sounded kind of like you maybe missed me too.”

“I had some comfort food. Lots of ice cream with chocolate syrup.” Sid guides Andy’s face upwards. “But I did miss you.” Then his lips are on Andy’s, soft and loving.

Andy pulls away and takes both of Sid’s hands into his and pulls him towards the house. “I promise to never leave without you.”

“No, no,” Sid says, “you have to go when things like this come up. I’d never want you missing out. Never. But …”

Andy pulls Sid inside the house and shuts the door behind him. “But what?”

“But now we know I’m a complete fucking mess without you, so next time I’ll plan better so I won’t be so crazy.”

“I think it’s sweet you missed me. I figured I was the only one in this relationship with those kinds of feelings.”

Sid pushes Andy against the front door. He kisses his mouth again and then puts his hands under Andy’s hips and lifts. Andy instinctually wraps his legs around Sid’s waist as Sid continues to kiss his mouth. “I – love – you,” Sid says in between kisses, “so – fucking – much – it makes – me mad.”

Andy laughs. “Sorry,” he says.

Sid holds Andy in place against him and turns to walk up the stairs towards their room.

* * *


	4. Part 4

**PART 4**

* * *

**Sunday Afternoon**

When Sid pulls into their own garage, he feels a sense of relief. He’s glad to be back home. The kids jump out of the car and run into the house. Andy gets the kids’ bags and Sid grabs theirs. Once inside, he sets everything down by the stairs and looks around for the cat.

“She’s probably hiding,” Andy says. “She doesn’t like us.”

“She likes me.”

“You’re the only one.”

“It’s because she was so neglected up when we found her. We’re kindred spirits or something.”

He hears Andy snort from two rooms over.

“It’s true!” he snaps. He finds their black and orange cat hiding behind a pillow on their sofa. He scoops her up and pets between her ears. She gives him a look of complete disgust but also starts to purr.

“If you were a cat, you’d be just like her.”

Sid nods. “Yep.”

Andy comes into the room and tries to pet her, but she jumps out of Sid’s arms and runs away. Andy sighs. “Whatever,” he says.

Sid yells for the kids to come back down from their rooms. He instructs Andy to sit on the sofa. Kai and Kaitlyn come barreling down the stairs. They stop right in front of Sid.

“Do you want to give Andy his Father’s Day present?”

“Oh yes!” Kaitlyn cries, clapping her small hands together. “Uhhhhhhh, where is it? I can’t remember where I hid it.”

“It’s because you gave it to me,” Sid says.

“Oh yeah.”

“I know where it is,” Kai says, and he dips out of the room.

Sid sneaks a peak at Andy who looks intrigued from where he sits on the couch. Kai returns with a piece of folded white paper and a manila envelope. Sid nods towards Andy and both kids sit next to him on the ouch. Kaitlyn is practically in his lap again, bouncing up and down. Kai hands Andy the white paper and Sid sits directly across from them on the old trunk they still use as a coffee table.

“I made the front,” Kaitlyn says.

“You drew this, Kay Kay?” Andy asks. “It’s beautiful.”

It’s a card Kaitlyn drew on a sheet of printer paper. On the front is a Crayola drawing of their family. Sid and Andy are in the middle, Sid significantly taller and darker than Andy. Andy is wearing dark blue clothes, probably his scrubs, while Sid has a black shirt on blue pants that he guesses are supposed to be jeans. Kaitlyn drew herself with a ponytail sticking out of the side of her head and in all pink. Kai has scribble for hair and is in all green. Even their disgruntled cat is in the picture, although in the very bottom corner. Kaitlyn wrote _Happy Fathr’s Day_ at the top and no one mentions she spelled it wrong.

“Open it!” Kaitlyn says.

Andy opens the card and clears his throat. Kai wrote the message inside but both he and Kaitlyn signed it. Sid knows the words by heart.

“ _Dear Dee Dee_ ,” Andy reads, “ _Happy Father’s Day. Every year you always help us pick out a present for Tad but this year we wanted to get you something too. It’s nothing something we could buy, so hopefully you’ll still like it. It’s actually a question. Will you—_ ” Andy stops reading.

Sid watches his face. He sees it in his eyes, the large tears form, and his chest rises and falls more quickly. He touches Andy’s knee and says, “Keep reading.”

Andy swallows and clears his throat. He words sound thick. “ _Will you adopt us so you can officially be our other dad? We hear pieces of paper are important. Love, Kai and Kay._ ” Andy stares at the paper in his hands, his eyes reading and rereading the message.

“So will you?” Kaitlyn asks. “Tad says you aren’t my awful Dee Dee until you sign your name.”

“ _Official_ ,” Kai corrects, “not awful.”

“Whatever.” Kaitlyn rolls her eyes dramatically. “You aren’t my _official_ Dee Dee until you sign your name.”

Kai fumbles with the manila envelope but pulls out the papers inside. “Tad took us to his lawyer’s office and had all these printed. He said when you’re ready, you guys will take them over and get it all official-ated. I dunno how it works.” He hands the papers to Andy.

Sid squeezes Andy’s knee and Andy looks up from the pages in front of him with the words _Petition for Adoption_ written in bold at the top. His face is tracked with tears.

“You okay?”

Andy nods. “Was this your idea?”

“It was mine!” says Kaitlyn. 

“She asked me why you were still a Davis and I didn’t have a good answer. We talked about it a lot we decided that you’re—”

“That you’re the best,” Kaitlyn gushes. “And Taddy has to marry you first so you can be a Phillips and then you can adopt us and then we’ll be family.”

“We’re already a family, dummy,” Kai says. “The adoption makes it official.”

“I dunno what that means.” She throws her arms around Andy’s neck. “So, do you like our present? Taddy said you’d probably cry but it wouldn’t be ‘cause you’re sad.”

“I’m not sad,” Andy says.

“I remember when I broke my arm and you gave me my stuffed wolf,” Kai says softly. Both Andy and Sid turn to look at him. “And I remember when you helped my mom when she was sick in the bathroom. I was really scared, but you were there and then it was better. And you took me home to Tad’s and we watched a movie. I wasn’t sure what was happening and I remember being really scared. I didn’t want to sleep without Tad home, and you told me I could sleep on the couch with you and we watched movies until I passed out.”

Andy swallows again and tucks some of Kai’s hair behind his ear. “I knew that and I didn’t want you to be alone in a dark bedroom worrying about your mom.”

“Thanks for always reading me twelve different _Pete the Cat_ books before bedtime, too.”

“I love _Pete the Cat_ ,” says Kaitlyn.

Andy puts one arm around each of his kids and pulls them in close. “Thank you,” he says softly.

When he lets go, Kaitlyn jumps up and says she’s going to get ice cream and Kai begrudgingly follows her to help.

“I can’t believe you kept this a secret.”

“It was their idea, I promise. Happy Father’s Day.”

* * *

**August: Four Years Ago**

It’s a week later when the director of nurses at the hospital corners Andy at the end of one of his shifts.

“If you didn’t know, Miriam is retiring at the end of the year. December 31st is her last day.” She pauses as though waiting for Andy to respond.

“Uh, right. Yes, I know.”

“Have you thought about being the nurse manager for the ER?”

“I – what?”

“Look, you’re very good at your job and you’re very good at interpersonal relationships with the other staff, doctors and orderlies included. I think you would be really good at the job. If you’re interested, you should really talk to Miriam about it, see if you can help her with anything, get a feel for it. We’ll open up interviews beginning of November.”

“Wow,” Andy says. “I’ve never really thought of being in charge of anything before. That’s why I’m a nurse and not a doctor.”

“You can do it. Think about it.” She squeezes Andy’s shoulder as she walks away. He watches her go, his mind a jumbled mess. If he did go after the job it might mean more hours, but it would definitely mean more money and if he and Sid do end up moving, it would only help. He has to convince Sid to move in the first place, though. 

He makes his way to the locker room. He stops short when he sees Sid in the hallway, Kai’s hand in his. 

“What happened?” Andy asks as Sid approaches.

“Mommy’s having her baby,” Kai says.

“Oh. Already? I thought we had another three weeks?”

“She’s at the hospital next door.”

“Do you want me to take Kai home so you can go?”

Sid has an odd look on his face, a hesitation. “Um,” he says. 

Andy watches him, the subtle press of his lips together, the long blink, the deep breath. “I can ask my mom to watch him and I can meet you over there. Stay with you until the baby’s born.”

Sid’s expression melts into relief and he nods. “Okay. If you don’t think she’d mind.”

“No, she loves Kai. Let me take him home and I’ll call her and I’ll meet you over there, okay?”

Sid nods. “Sure, yeah, thanks.”

Andy calls his mom on the way home and she meets him at his house. She tells Kai they’re going to go shopping for his new baby brother or sister. When she asks Andy what they’ve already purchased, Andy tells her the truth – nothing. Sid has barely wanted to talk about the new baby, the topic agitates him, so Andy wasn’t planning on pushing the issue until there was only one week left before Hannah’s due date. The baby, however, had other ideas.

When he gets to the hospital, he has to wait in the waiting room. Sid comes out and joins him as soon as Andy texts him that he’s here.

“I told the doctor on duty that she’s been using the whole pregnancy. I guess they’re calling in a different team to be ready for the worst.”

“What’s that mean?”

“They’ll take the baby back to Saint Ray’s to detox or whatever. I don’t really know how that works.”

“It can be a process,” Andy says, “but I don’t usually ever see babies. The occasional croup in the ER, but there are nurses who specialize in neonatal care.”

“I called George,” Sid says suddenly.

“Really?”

Sid nods and sighs heavily. “So he can get the paperwork for Hannah to sign.”

“Oh, for guardianship?”

Sid shakes his head slowly. “No, she, uh, she’s giving up full rights. They’re going to be adoption papers. She told me when I got here. She wants to sign over everything – all parental her rights to both kids.”

Andy’s heart nearly stops. “Both of them?”

“If she goes through with it, there’s no going back.” Sid turns his head towards Andy for the first time. “I will literally have these two kids for the rest of my life.”

Andy cups Sid’s jaw in his hand and runs his thumb along his cheekbone. “I know. I understand. I know what I’m signing up for.”

“Why though? You should be running in the other direction.”

“No way,” says Andy. “Stop acting like you’re surprised I stick around and stop treating me like I’m an outsider in your own life. I love you and that means every aspect of you, including these kids. The notion of stepparents shouldn’t be new to you.”

“I know. And, uh, thanks for coming here. I … needed you here. I didn’t realize it until you offered but this is hard for me. Knowing my sister is giving birth to a baby that’s coming home to me …” Sid presses his lips together and shakes his head. “That is the most backwoods redneck thing I think I’ve ever said.”

Andy tries to smile at Sid’s joke, but fails. “You have a lot of guilt,” he says. “I know you don’t want this baby, but I also know you’ll never tell her that, and you’ll never treat her like you didn’t want her. You’re going to be the best tad for her and you’ll feel guilty every time she says _I love you_ and you’ll feel guilty every time I take her to the playground or pick her up from school because you think you should be doing all of this alone. You got to get over your own shit.”

Sid lets out a short laugh. “I like when you try to get all assertive.”

“Yeah, I usually leave you in charge of our lives.”

Sid puts his arm around the back of Andy’s chair. “I do love you,” he says. “My pride gets in the way of that sometimes, I think.”

“It does, but I’m navigating through.”

“You and Ryan deserve medals.”

“I’m aware.”

Sid is quiet after that. They wait for a couple of hours and take control of the TV in the waiting room, watching reruns of old shows from the fifties. Andy’s mom calls so they can say goodnight to Kai and Sid looks upset that he isn’t at home to tuck him in. Andy sweet talks a nurse into letting him steal coffee from their break room since the cafeteria is now closed. When the clock on the wall next to the television turns past midnight, Andy gets up to find a nurse to ask how Hannah is doing. She takes them both to Hannah’s room, telling them, “I was about to go in there myself.”

Andy hangs back near the door, not wanting to get in the way.

“It’s almost time to push,” the nurse tells Andy, her voice very soft and quiet. “I think she wanted him here.” She nods towards Sid. “She doesn’t have a coach or anything.”

“No,” says Andy, “she wouldn’t have wanted one.”

“Did I hear right that you guys are taking the baby home?”

Andy nods. “That’s Sid – her brother. We – _he_ has custody of her other son. His lawyer will be here for Hannah to sign everything over.”

“That’s heartbreaking.”

“You have no idea.”

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, unfortunately. What’s your name?” 

“Andy.”

“I’m Eleanor.” She pats Andy’s arm and crosses the room to Hannah. “All right there, sweetie, it’s time for one last check, make sure you’re at ten centimeters so we can start pushing.”

Things happen quickly after that. Hannah doesn’t want Sid to leave, so he stands by her head and holds her hand. Sid doesn’t want Andy to leave, so he hangs back and waits. He wonders if Hannah cares that he’s there or if she’s even aware. She’s been here for hours, in this small delivery room, she surely can’t still be high, but she’s so far gone; Andy can see the damage in her gaze and he doesn’t know if she’ll ever be able to find her way back. The doctor comes into the room, along with another nurse.

When Hannah has about two good pushes left, Eleanor grabs Andy. “You can help me clean and check the baby,” she says. Andy wonders if Sid would want the job, but Sid isn’t ready for this baby, not yet. 

“Last push,” the doctor says. “That’s amazing, Hannah! That’s it, your baby is born! You did a fantastic job – it’s a baby—”

“ _NO!_ ” Hannah shouts with a strangled cry. “Don’t tell me what it is.”

The room goes silent. Eleanor steps in and grabs the baby from the doctor. The cord is cut and then the baby is in front of Andy and helps to clean her off. Her. It’s a girl. He looks over at Sid who looks disgusted and ill. The baby cries, but the sounds are not very loud, yet are distinctively newborn. 

“Are you serious, Hannah?” Sid asks, his voice very low.

“We need to deliver the placenta,” the doctor says.

“You’re taking the baby away,” Hannah snarls. “Why would I want to know what it is?”

“I’m not _taking_ it. You’re signing over your rights. If you want your kids so badly, get some help.”

“It’s easier for me if I think of you as stealing them from me,” she whispers. “Otherwise I can’t deal with them being gone.”

Sid’s resolve breaks. “Then get help,” he says, his voice cracking. “I shouldn’t be raising your kids. I’m not their dad.”

“You’re better at it than I am. I’m just like Mom and Dad. You’re different. You can do this – I can’t.”

Sid shakes his head. “I do it because I don’t have a choice.”

“I don’t want to know anything about it. Not the gender, not the name. I can pretend this never happened if I don’t know what to miss.”

“Hannah,” the doctor interrupts. “Can you give me another push?”

Sid leans over and puts his forehead against Hannah’s. He whispers something to her, too low for Andy to hear, and Hannah shakes her head violently and starts to cry. The nurse looks at Andy with a sympathetic expression and hands him the baby. 

“She’s tiny,” Eleanor whispers. “Five pounds even.”

Andy looks down at the baby now cradled in his arms. She’s pink and squishy and has dark blue eyes. There isn’t much hair, but what is there is a light blonde. She stops crying and looks up at him. Logically he knows she doesn’t know who he is, but there’s something there in the way she calms in his arms.

“When do withdraw symptoms usually start?” he asks.

“Usually somewhere between twenty-four and seventy-two hours.”

“Okay, so we wait.” His pinky finger traces down her nose and across her chin.

Sid comes over and puts his arm around Andy’s shoulder. “Jesus, you look like a fucking natural,” he says. “Like you were meant to be a dad. Pink or blue?”

Andy points to the pink stripe in the baby blanket that the baby is swaddled in. Sid laughs. 

“Kai was right.”

“Are you okay?”

Sid shakes his head. “Not at all. I need some air.”

“We need to take the baby to the nursery so she’s not in here with Mom,” the nurse says. “You can meet us there. Do you have a name picked out?”

“No,” says Sid. “I – no – I never thought she wouldn’t want to name—”

“It’s okay,” Andy interrupts. He can tell Sid is about to lose it. He carefully places the baby back in the clear infant bed. “Does her band says Baby Phillips?”

The nurse nods. “Yeah, it’ll be around her ankle. Come find me in a few minutes, okay? I don’t want to keep her in this room any longer. Do you want to feed her the first bottle? We don’t like to wait too long for that. I’m not sure if I’m allowed to do that – I haven’t had this situation arise before, but you’re in scrubs, so we just won’t tell anyone, okay?”

“One of us will feed her,” Andy answers. “We won’t be long.”

Andy and Sid walk out with the nurse, leaving Hannah behind with the doctor and the other nurse. They part ways with the nurse and Andy links his arm through Sid’s and leads him outside. They’re quiet on the elevator and through the hallways, but once outside, Sid removes himself from Andy’s grasp and sits down on the sidewalk in front of the hospital, his feet on the road, his head between his knees. Andy sits next to him, his hip touching Sid’s.

“We don’t have a crib,” Sid says.

“We’ll get one.”

“How big was she? Did that nurse tell you?”

“She was five pounds,” Andy answers. “She’s tiny.”

“Is that bad?”

“It’s not good,” Andy says. “I’m not an expert on newborns, but if Hannah used her whole pregnancy, then a tiny baby is expected. We won’t know if she’s going to have withdrawal symptoms for probably twenty-four hours. They’ll monitor her very carefully though.”

“I’ve been living the last few months as though this day was never going to come.”

“I know.”

“She didn’t want to know if her own baby was a boy or girl.”

“I know.”

Sid lifts his head. “She was right about one thing: she’s just like our parents. But she was wrong about me. I’m like them, too.”

“How?” Andy asks, a little startled at the confession. He doesn’t believe that for a second.

“They didn’t want to be parents. Neither do I. I knew it growing up. My dad beat the shit out of me all the time and I covered up all the evidence so I could pretend it never happened. No one knows. I never told anyone except you.”

Andy wills himself not to cry.

“What if I have that in me? What if one day one of those kids makes me so mad and I lose it?”

“You won’t.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do. Mostly because you don’t want to be like your dad. You work hard to be the best for Kai.”

“True parents shouldn’t have to work at being good to their kids.”

“Oh, I bet that’s not true,” says Andy. “Talk to my mom. I’m sure she’ll tell you there were times she dreamed of popping me in the mouth when I was a teenager. I had an attitude problem all through sophomore year. Besides, I’ll be there to help you.”

“What if they find out I never wanted to be a dad?”

Andy takes both of Sid’s hands in his. “You have got to calm down and get past this,” he says firmly. “They’re going to know you fought for them. It won’t matter if they find out you never wanted kids, because you _chose_ them. You chose them because being with you is what’s best for them. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t want them in theory because you wanted them in reality. You want them safe and fed and happy and clean and loved.”

“I don’t mean to be such a fucking headcase,” Sid says. “I usually have it more together than this.”

“No, you don’t,” says Andy softly. “I think you’ve been screwed up with this stuff for a long while. You never talked about it before and now you trust me enough to start letting it all out.”

Sid’s frown deepens. “I don’t like the sound of that.”

“You should. It’s probably good for you. Let’s go inside and you can give the baby her first bottle and you can check on Hannah, because even though she didn’t want to see her baby, it can’t be easy giving her up. She may change her mind and want to know if she had a boy or girl.”

“Okay,” says Sid.

Andy stands first and offers a hand to Sid, who takes it. Surprisingly, Sid doesn’t let go as they go back into the hospital and back up to L&D. Eleanor is easy to find and she asks Sid if he’s feeling better. He only shrugs.

“Come on, there’s a holding room where you can sit and feed her. I’ll show you and then bring her to you.”

The room is off the nursery, with a single rocker and dim lights. Eleanor returns with the clear infant bed and a bottle of formula. 

“Do you want me to hand her to you or …?”

“I got it,” says Andy. 

“Let’s make sure she latches on to the bottle well and then I’ll leave you to it.”

Andy motions for Sid to sit in the rocking chair.

“You should do it.”

“Why?”

“You want this more than me,” Sid says.

Andy’s eyes snap up from the baby’s to Sid’s. “What?”

“You’ve always wanted to be a dad and if this were normal circumstances, you’d never have that with me. Unless Hannah keeps poppin’ out kids, this is your only chance to have a first bottle with a baby. So take it.”

Andy swallows but nods. He scoops the baby out of the infant bed and carefully sits in the rocking chair. Eleanor hands him the bottle, covering his hand with hers until the baby latches on and begins to suck.

“She doesn’t have to eat the whole thing. When you think she might be done, put her against your shoulder and gently rub her back. I brought another blanket in case she spits up on your scrubs.”

Andy barely hears her. He’s too busy watching this teeny tiny human drink from the bottle in his hand. Everything about her is small and innocent. He wonders about the poison that could be in her system, the pain she might go through in the next few hours. He wonders what she’ll be like when they bring her home, what she’ll look like, when she’ll crawl, when she’ll walk, when she’ll first say his name. He wonders what Kai will think when they bring this small thing back to their house, if he’ll love her or be jealous. He wonders what Sid will do. Will he be taking videos of those first steps, photos of her first birthday? Will he walk her into the school building on her first day of pre-k? 

Sid kneels in front of Andy. He carefully touches the top of the baby’s head and then cups Andy’s cheek with his other hand. 

“Thank you,” he says.

“For what?”

“You. This.”

Andy holds his gaze for a minute before looking back down at the baby. “She’s going to need a name.”

“I don’t know any good names.”

“You don’t have any female relatives you liked?”

“No.”

“I guess you could get a baby book and start looking up names.” Then Andy asks, “Is Kate Hannah’s middle name?”

“It’s actually Kaitlyn. Our mom called her Hannah Kate growing up and it stuck with me. I remember she spelled it with a K and a Y and I thought it was the weirdest thing.”

“Then what about Kaitlyn?” Andy suggests. “Even if Hannah never sees her again and you raise her, Hannah is still her mom. She should have something of hers.”

“Okay,” agrees Sid. “Kaitlyn Phillips it is.”

* * *

When they get home it’s only a couple hours until sunrise. Andy’s mom is there, asleep on the sofa. He tries to wake up, but she tells them to go to bed and she’ll take Kai to school. They pass out rather quickly and when they get up and go into what will become Kaitlyn’s room, they find that Andy’s mom bought them a car seat and carrier, a pack n’ play portable crib, and a large stack of onesies and diapers. Andy almost cries when he sees it; Sid frowns and texts a quick _thank you_. Sid doesn’t like being taken care of, but Andy’s mom hasn’t helped her kids in almost a decade so he knows she’s thrilled at the prospect of feeling useful again.

“I don’t want her to feel obligated,” Sid says.

“She doesn’t. Molly and I both left at eighteen for school and never came back home. She was a mom for twenty-four years and then, like, stopped. She loves being a mom. She’ll love being a grandma even more if you relax and let her.”

They’re not awake for long before they get back into bed for a midday nap. Sid wraps Andy up in his arms and Andy revels in the touch.

At hour twenty-seven, Kaitlyn’s tremors begin. She has to stay in the hospital until she’s no longer in withdrawal. The doctor tells them it may take three weeks, it may take two months. Luckily Andy and Sid are able to go up and visit her in the NICU on their breaks and before and after their shifts. She cries and fusses, but the nurses ensure them that it’s normal for babies like her. Andy finds Sid in there more often than Sid would probably ever admit. 

At week two, they bring Kai by to see her. He watches her with a frown and asks why she cries so much, but when they tell him her name is Kaitlyn after their mom, he softens and asks if he can call her Kaity.

“No one calls me Kairo so she should have a nickname, too.”

“No one calls me Sidney.”

“No one calls me Andrew.”

“Those are your real names?” Kai asks.

“Yep,” says Andy.

“Weird.” Kai touches his sister’s hair. “Hi, baby Kaity. I’m your brother.”

When it looks as though Kaitlyn will be discharged soon, her doctor talks to both of them about what care will look like at home. 

“She may be really fussy, lots of crying. Sleeplessness. She may continue to have a stuffy nose. Don’t let her sleep on her stomach. She may eat in small increments and grow slowly, so you’ll have to take her to a lot of pediatrician appointments to monitor her growth and development. There may be some delays in speech and motor function, but in my experience I see those less often in babies like Kaitlyn than I do in babies with fetal alcohol syndrome. Bonding may be more difficult, so I’d apply for family leave and stay home for a few weeks with her if you can afford it.”

It’s a lot. A lot of information that neither Andy nor Sid know how to deal with yet. They go to lunch at a local burger place on their day off while Kai is in school and meet up with Piper. Sid tells her this may be the last time she sees him for a while because he’s applying for family leave for six weeks.

“The hospital lets non-birth parents take leave in the case of adoption,” Sid says. “They submitted my paperwork and it got approved since Hannah signed over her rights.”

“Are you going to adopt them?” Piper asks.

Sid nods slowly and stabs a French fry with his fork. “Probably.”

“I think that’s incredible,” says Piper. “Do you have any new pictures?”

“No,” Sid says at the same time Andy says, “Yes.”

Piper grins. “Neither of your answers surprise me. Gimme.” She holds out her hands to take Andy’s phone. She scrolls through the pictures. “Oh my _god_ , Sid, are you doing skin to skin? I never in my life would have thought. Wow, look at that chest tattoo. Andy, you never told me how hot your boyfriend is without his scrub top on.”

Sid snatches the phone from her. “They said it would be good for her, especially since I’m going to be a stay-at-home-mom for a few weeks. Something about bonding, I don’t know.”

“Hey, now,” says Piper, her tone more serious, “it’s a real thing. It does help. There’s been enough legitimate research on it. It’s great that you’re doing it. I’m not making fun.”

“I know,” Sid grumbles.

“But if you sign up to be Room Mom for Kai’s pre-k class all bets are off.”

“Can we talk about _you_ now?” Sid asks. “I’m so tired of talking about babies. She cries, she eats, we hold her, it’s not interesting.”

“I think it’s interesting. This will be the only baby in my life.”

“Does Ryan not want kids? He seems like a dude who’d want to coach soccer.”

“Ryan will do whatever Piper wants,” Andy says.

“He’s his own person, you know,” says Piper, “but, no, he’s indifferent to kids. I think if I wanted them, he’d be okay with it, but since I’m pretty much on the no-baby-train, he’s prepared to buy a ticket to board. He wants to go on vacation together. He gave me a list of places he wants to go and told me to choose. His treat. He doesn’t want me to pay.”

“I couldn’t do that,” Sid says.

“Where are you going to go?”

“Maybe Las Vegas, maybe Los Angeles. Somewhere neither of us have ever gone. It seems like a big step.”

“Go to Las Vegas for a three-day weekend, then,” says Andy. “Then work your way up to something longer.”

“He wants to get married.”

“What? Did he ask you?” Andy cries.

“No, but he’s told me. He wants to get married one day.” Piper sighs. “I don’t know if it can be to me. I don’t know that I have it in me.”

“So don’t do it,” says Sid. “It’s just a document. You don’t need it to be committed to someone.”

Andy pauses with his burger halfway to his mouth. “That’s a bad analogy,” he says. “It’s more than that. By that logic, why would you need to adopt Kai and Kaitlyn? Because you’re committed to them, right? You’re going to care for them. You’re their legal guardian. What’s the point in taking the next step to get another document? I’ll tell you why. You want to do it, to give it that extra level of care. No excuses, no take-backs, they will be _your_ kids. Hannah can never come back and say _just kidding_ , _I want my kids_. You want that extra piece of paper because it’s important. It’s significant. It _means something_.”

“Andy—”

“What?”

Sid presses his lips together and looks at Piper. She looks down at her sandwich and then says, “I don’t think I want to get married because I want to easily untangle myself if I need to.”

“And I want to be with someone who doesn’t ever _want_ to be untangled,” states Andy.

“Andy,” Sid says, reaching over and turning Andy’s face towards him. “This is Piper’s shit, not mine. I’m not scared of being knotted up with you, okay? Not anymore.”

“I know,” says Andy.

Sid raises his eyebrows like he doesn’t believe him.

“I _know_ ,” he reiterates. “Just choose different words next time.”

“Okay,” agrees Sid.

“It’s true, though,” says Piper. “It’s my own shit. I am the way I am.”

“Unapologetically,” says Sid, “and that’s okay.”

“Maybe I’ll change my mind one day.”

“I have a feeling he’ll wait around for you, even if it takes ten years.”

Piper sighs. “Let me see the pictures of your sweet baby again. She makes me smile.”

“You want to see the pictures of me without my shirt on again.”

“It’s true.” Piper reaches over the table and grabs Andy’s phone again. “Man, there’s something about tattooed guys with kids. I’m kind of living for it right now.”

Andy snorts but starts eating his burger again. Sid puts a hand on his thigh and gives it a little squeeze. He knows he’d wait ten years for Sid, too, if it meant one day being able to marry him. He wonders if Sid will ever change his mind about that. He knows he’ll never force the question, but maybe one day Sid will want that piece of paper with their names on it.

* * *

Andy underestimates just how fussy Kaitlyn is going to be when they finally bring her home. She sleeps mostly in twenty minute increments in her pack n’ play and only sleeps for hour-blocks when someone holds her and rocks her. Her little cries were high-pitched and often sounded as though she was in pain. Andy’s mom brings over the rocking chair she used with both Andy and Molly. It’s worn and some of the paint is chipped, but she says all the blemishes are marks of love, which makes Andy hug her twice as long as normal and kiss her cheek.

The first week Kaitlyn is home, Sid doesn’t sleep. He naps whenever she stops crying, but he’s a zombie and doesn’t come to dinner. Andy overcompensates by taking Kai out for pizza twice. He buys a white noise machine for him so he can listen to rainfall and ocean waves that will cover up Kaitlyn’s cries. Kai seems to sense that things are tense, but he doesn’t really understand.

His birthday approaches, and he’ll be a “whole-entire-hand-years-old.” He asks for a birthday party, but Andy doesn’t know any of his friends from school, so they agree to go jumping at the trampoline park and invite Andy’s mom and Piper. He really wants Sid to come, but Andy isn’t sure Sid is aware what day of the week it is, let alone how far into October they’re getting. Sid is lost in Kaitlyn and trying to get Kai to and from school. Andy knows most newborns aren’t like this one, that there’s times of peace when they nap and are quiet in swings or on playmats. They eat happily and burp and get milk-drunk with a satisfied smile on their faces. Kaitlyn does none of these things.

There’s a night where Andy finds Sid asleep on the sofa with Kaitlyn equally asleep on his chest. He woke up a little cold, with Sid’s side of the bed empty. He’s used to that now, being alone in bed, but as soon as his eyes opened, he wanted to find Sid. Kaitlyn begins to stir and Andy quickly grabs her and the half-drunk bottle of formula from the coffee table. He goes upstairs and shuts the door to her room. Her diaper is a little wet so he changes her and her face begins to scrunch up in distress. He has her in his arms, rocking her back and forth, and he shuts off the light in her room, but opens her blinds just a bit to let in the light from the full moon. 

She cries, just once, and he tries to give her the bottle. She takes a few drinks and then removes her mouth and cries again. Andy sighs and puts the bottle down. Her pediatrician said she had seen this before, extreme fussiness, unexplained crying and colic, in other babies just like Kaitlyn. Her little mouth is near his ear, but he feels calm even though she’s crying. He hopes Sid stays asleep. She can keep screaming so long as Sid’s eyes stay shut.

It doesn’t take long before Sid opens the door to Kaitlyn’s room.

“You have to work tomorrow,” he says.

“So? You _have_ to sleep. You haven’t gotten more than an hour or two in a row. I can handle one night.”

“It’s okay.” Sid crosses the room to take her. “I got it.”

“Let me help you. You’re supposed to lean on me when things are hard.”

“This won’t last forever.”

“I know that, but it doesn’t make it any easier for you.”

“I’ll sleep when she starts sleeping.”

“Sid.”

“I got it.”

Andy wants to continue to protest, but Sid has his jaw set and his eyes are unwavering. With a groan, he hands Kaitlyn over and goes back to their room and lays back down. It’s no use; he can’t sleep like this, feeling restless and agitated, but Sid won’t let him do anything else. He wonders how long this will last.

The next two weeks are the same, and the night before Kai’s birthday, Sid flops down on the bed he and Andy share, his fists pressing into his eyes.

“This is bullshit,” he says. “I took care of Kai for half the time he was a baby and it wasn’t like this.”

“He wasn’t born with heroin in his system,” says Andy. He places his book on his bedside table and scoots closer to Sid. He tries to snuggle in close to him and puts his hand under Sid’s shirt, tracing the tattoos across his stomach and chest. He leans down and kisses just above Sid’s naval. 

Sid lowers his fists and looks at Andy. “What are you doing?”

“If you have to ask, I’m doing it wrong,” Andy jokes.

Sid takes Andy’s hands in his and says, “I am so tired I’m surprised I’m even able to talk.”

“Oh,” says Andy. He tries to keep his expression neutral, but it’s hard. He hasn’t been with Sid in the four weeks since Kaitlyn came home. “I’m off tomorrow. Let me handle her tonight so you can get some sleep.”

“It’s okay, I got it.”

“You don’t. You’re supposed to go back to work in two weeks – how will you manage?”

“Dunno.”

“I miss you. Like, physically miss you.”

“’m right here.”

“Not sexually you’re not.”

Sid closes his eyes. He keeps hold of Andy’s hands, but his grip quickly slackens and Andy knows he’s already fallen asleep. With a heavy sigh, he settles in next to Sid. He falls asleep too, but it’s short-lived, maybe an hour, before Kaitlyn starts to cry again and Sid is pushing the covers off and getting up. Andy wants to protest, to shove him back and lock him in their room and force him to sleep. Instead, he lays in bed and listens to Kaitlyn cry and the steady creak in the floorboards of her room as Sid paces with her in his arms.

Sid skips the trampoline park and Andy understands why – Kaitlyn can’t go. Except Andy should be staying home with her and Sid should be with Kai. There’s disappointment in each of Kai’s jumps at the park and he eats his cake without much enthusiasm.

“My sister ruins everything,” he says when Andy’s mom asks him what’s wrong. She tries to pry answers out of Andy, but he’s not ready to share how hard things are. It makes him feel like a failure, especially since he’s the one who always did want to be a parent and Sid won’t let him.

Piper takes Kai over to the video games and pays for him to get twenty tokens. Andy watches them and is grateful to see Kai laugh. He wishes he could be happy, though.

“Andy, baby, what’s wrong?”

He’s not ready to tell his mom, he’s not. But then it all comes out anyway. “It won’t be like this forever,” he finishes, “but there’s nothing good right now. It’s just … _hard_.”

She walks around the plastic picnic table and sits next to Andy. She puts her arm around his shoulder and pulls him in close. “I’m so sorry it’s like this.”

“I’m feeling really guilty, too,” says Andy. “Before Sid, I always kind of thought one day I’d get to be a dad, but if this is my only chance to ever have a baby, then it sucks. She’s so hard and there’s not a lot of joy in our house right now. I don’t know how to fix it.”

“We can figure something out.”

The answer comes the following Thursday. It’s already Andy’s day off and when his mom shows up at three-thirty, he grabs Sid’s jacket and makes him put on shoes. 

“We’re going out.”

“What? No, we can’t—”

“Get in the car,” Andy says. “My mom’s babysitting. I’ve decided and we’re going.”

Sid looks a little mad, but he silently shoves his feet into a pair of sneakers and throws his jacket on. He follows Andy out to the car and gets in the passenger’s seat. As weird as it feels for Andy to drive with Sid in the car, it probably feels weirder for Sid to suddenly not be in charge of anything that’s happening this afternoon.

Andy goes to PassGo. He parks and gets out of the car. Sid hesitates and then opens his door. When they go inside, Andy grabs their favorite booth and waits for both Sid and their waitress. Sid sits across from him and folds his hands on top of the table.

“What the fuck, Andy?”

“Let’s order and then we’ll talk.”

Sid’s frown deepens, but he listens and asks for a double-order of cheese fries and a plain coke. Andy gets a ginger ale. When the waitress drops off their sodas, Andy opens both their straws and plops them in their cups. Sid looks at him expectantly.

“Life sucks right now,” says Andy. “I’m not happy.”

“Oh. Okay…” Sid’s face suddenly looks worried and Andy immediately regrets how he opened the conversation.

“I mean, you can’t be happy either, can you?”

“Uh, no, but—”

Andy gets up and walks around the table and sits down next to Sid. He turns to face him and takes both his hands. “I love you.”

“Thanks?”

“I – did you just thank me?”

Sid blinks. “I think so. I’m really tired.”

Andy almost laughs. “I know. God, I know. Look, let me get all this out before you say anything because you may not like it, but it’s going to happen. Okay?”

Sid nods. He still looks wary.

“Okay, so I love you.” Andy pauses and when Sid remains quiet, he continues. “But you’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met in my life. Kaitlyn isn’t getting any better and you have to go back to work next week and you’re going to end up killing yourself from exhaustion. There’s a position opening up at work, nurse manager for the ER. I’ve been working with the current manager the last several weeks, learning what she does, because she’s retiring end of December. Essentially the position is mine if I want it. I’m going to take it if they officially offer it to me. It’ll be more money, enough to make up for what you’re going to lose when you quit.”

Sid opens his mouth but Andy covers it with his hand. 

“We can’t both work with Kaitlyn being like a little demon spawn. We can talk about you going back when she’s no longer a psycho baby. Which brings me to my next point. I get three days off a week right now and I am going to take Kaitlyn for two of those nights. I want to take her for all three, but I know you’d just complain about it, so I preemptively compromised on two. You’re going to get a white noise machine like Kai or noise-cancelling headphones or whatever, and you’re going to _sleep_. For two whole nights a week. I will literally buy a lock for our door and lock you inside if I have to.”

Sid doesn’t try to speak so Andy lowers his hand.

“Lastly, my mom’s afternoons off from work are Thursdays. She’s going to babysit every Thursday for us from four to eight. We’ll take the kids to her house and she’ll feed them dinner and give Kai a bath and she’ll bring them home. We can go to dinner at her house if we want, or we can go out, or we can go back home and nap. I’m hoping what’ll happen, though, is you take the peace from all the crying and actually fuck me again.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re getting your mom to babysit so we can have sex?”

“I thought I told you not to talk? And yes. I didn’t tell her that was the reason, but if you don’t start sleeping and if we don’t start being close again, I’m going to lose my mind. Sex isn’t the only reason I’m with you, of course, but it’s a really significant perk. It’s been four weeks, Sid, and I miss you. I miss _us_.”

Sid doesn’t say anything.

“You can talk now.”

“First, I can’t ask your mom to babysit that often.”

“She wants to do it. Think about this logically. Last I checked, we were going to grow old together, which makes her the only grandparent-figure in the kids’ lives. Literally. She wants to be a grandparent, too. Let her.”

“We’ll come back to that. Second, I’m not quitting my job.”

“Yes, you are. Look, you usually make all the decisions for us, and I’m okay with it. I like when you take care of me. But right now, no one is taking care of you, and I think we need to shift things around a little bit. I make enough to support us. You always take care of me, but we’re partners, right? In this together? Let me support _us_.”

“I can’t not contribute anything financially. I can’t.”

“So then we find a new house and you rent our current house out. Be a landlord.”

“I can’t.” The expression on Sid’s face suddenly changes. “Huh,” he says. 

“What?”

“It’s an interesting idea. I don’t know that I like it, but it’s interesting.”

“Okay, but the rest? Tell me you’ll go along with it, especially letting me help with Kaitlyn. I _want_ to.”

“You called her a psycho baby.”

“She is. It’s not her fault, but she is. I love her, though, I really do. And I want to bond with her more. I know that sounds weird, but I – I want her to think of me as her other dad.”

“You _are_ her other dad,” Sid says.

“Am I though? I don’t really take care of her unless it’s for ten minutes while you take a shower or shovel down some food.”

“I can’t quit my job,” Sid says again.

“I forged your resignation letter already, it’s done.”

Sid sniggers. “Nice try, but I know you’d never do that.”

Andy shrugs. “Worth a try. But you _can_ quit. For a little while. The hospital would understand why if you ever wanted your job back. They’re in the medical field – well, obviously – and they know how hard special needs babies can be. It’s understandable. And when she starts to calm, you’ll be able to have more time with both her and Kai, and time to sleep. You can get a side job with James or something on my days off.”

“James does HVAC, I don’t know how to do that.”

“He does all kinds of odd jobs, doesn’t he? You’re so handy, I bet there’s all kinds of stuff you could help him with. You always tell me he’s picking up handywork all over town.”

Sid takes in a deep breath. “I love that you are trying to solve all our problems,” he says, “but I’ve had a job since I was in high school. I don’t like the idea of being supported.”

“Families do it all the time.”

“It’s usually the mom who stays home, though.”

“You’ll be the hottest one at Mommy and Me playgroup,” Andy says.

Sid rolls his eyes.

“Who cares, though? We’re not a heterosexual couple. Besides, I’m the one who regularly gets penetrated, but I make more money, so already our assigned gender roles are skewed. Are you worried what your friends would think? Because let me tell you, I’m your best friend and I think it’s a brilliant idea, and I already told Piper my idea and she said you’d hate it, but if you agreed she’d run as president of your fan club again.”

“I have more friends than just the two of you.”

“James and Rachael, fantastic. If they’re not on board, fuck them. This is _our_ lives, Sid, and I need us to be happy again, but that’s not going to happen if we don’t both make some changes.”

Their waitress drops off their cheese fries and Sid asks for a set of silverware. 

“Silverware? For your fries?” she asks.

“He’s quirky,” Andy says. He takes the rolled silver from her. “Thanks.” He hands it to Sid. “Please? At least try my idea out.”

“It’ll make you happy?”

“We’ll call it an experiment. We’ll see if it’ll make _us_ happy. But, yes, if you agree to try I’ll be delirious.”

Sid nods. He undoes the napkin and takes out the fork. “All right,” he says. “You’re the most important person to me, so I’ll give it a try.”

Andy bursts into tears.

“Jesus, get it together.”

Andy laughs and Sid pulls him closer and kisses his mouth. Sid pulls away and runs a thumb across Andy’s bottom lip. He smiles and it almost – _almost_ – reaches his eyes.

* * *

Sid reluctantly chooses a white noise machine and picks thunderstorms to listen to on Andy’s first night on Kaitlyn duty. Andy knows it’ll be exhausting work, but he’s almost exploding with excitement that Sid is going to sleep for more than an hour or two for the first time in a month. Sid passes out before eight and Andy pulls the blankets over him. He feels like Kaitlyn is beginning to have longer periods in between her bouts of crying, but she still fusses almost every hour and has to be settled. It’s a long, long night.

Around six in the morning, he packs Kai’s lunch and sets out everything he needs for breakfast. He wakes him up and gets him ready for school. He’s prepared to drive him, but Sid is up by seven-thirty, showered and dressed and ready for the day. Andy stays at home and has just put Kaitlyn in her crib for, hopefully, a nap when Sid comes back. He joins Andy in their room and shuts the door behind him. Andy crawls into bed and curls up under the covers. Sid kicks off his shoes before flopping down next to him.

“I slept for eleven hours.”

“And you feel amazing?” ventures Andy.

“Almost. Feeling better than I have in a while.”

Andy smiles and closes his eyes. “I’m glad.”

Sid turns over and faces Andy. “Thanks for insisting I take a night to sleep,” he says. 

“I hope you don’t fight me on it when I do it again tonight. I think I slept for almost two hours last night at one point. That’s better than it has been.”

Sid moves closer and then kisses Andy’s mouth. He opens his lips with his tongue and then flips Andy onto his back and hovers over him, a knee on either side of Andy’s thighs.

“Don’t tell me you’re too tired.”

Andy shakes his head. “No, just worried about someone crying and interrupting.”

“I’ll make it fast.”

Andy whimpers. “Don’t. It’s been too long to be fast.”

“It’s been a month,” Sid says, his mouth near Andy’s ear, “you won’t last long anyway. We’ll do it again after you’ve had a nap. But now, shhh.”

Andy tries to reach for him, but Sid pulls off the sheets and grabs hold of Andy’s pajama bottoms. He removes them, along with Andy’s boxers, and settles between his legs. Andy cries out as Sid makes love to him with his mouth. Andy runs his fingers through Sid’s hair, wanting to touch more of him, but he can’t reach. When he finishes, Sid presses kisses on the insides of Andy’s thighs.

“Thanks,” says Andy.

“You don’t have to thank me for sex.”

Andy laughs. “I know. I don’t know why I said that. If I’d known a good night’s sleep would’ve made you horny, I would’ve insisted on it a while ago.”

“I wouldn’t have let you,” says Sid. He moves up Andy’s body until he’s lying next to him. “Sometimes I need you to remind me I’m being an idiot for me to see it myself.”

“Uh huh.”

“You should sleep for a while. Do you want to come with me to Kaitlyn’s doctor’s appointment?”

“Really?” Andy hasn’t been to an appointment yet. Sid has always taken care of it even though she goes weekly to monitor her weight gain. 

“Yeah.”

“I’d love that. Thank you.”

Sid kisses the top of his head and covers him back up with the blankets. He turns off the light and lets Andy fall asleep.

* * *

Andy knows Sid really doesn’t want to quit his job, but he does it anyway. He can tell it makes Sid anxious; but now their house has never been cleaner. What Andy doesn’t expect is the print-outs of houses from realtor.com. Over the next couple months, they spend at least one day a week looking at houses on the market. Andy wants to live in Hidden Oaks, Sid would rather have some land, but they end up compromising on a sweet little neighborhood called Dogwood Farms in a great school district.

They close the week before Christmas and decide to spend Christmas morning in the new house even though none of their stuff is there yet. They throw their mattresses in the back of Sid’s truck and when they open presents, they sit on their pillows on the floor around the tree they picked out. There aren’t any ornaments, those are still packed away, but they did string up a lot of lights and it is beautiful because it’s theirs, honest and familial. They eat dinner at Andy’s mom’s that afternoon, and somewhere between coffee and cake, Andy realizes Kaitlyn has been quiet for almost two hours straight. He doesn’t mention it because he doesn’t want to jinx it, but when he goes back into the living room, he finds Kaitlyn on her blanket on the floor, Kai lying next to her, and he’s playing songs for her on Sid’s phone. She seems to be smiling at the music. Sid sits on the sofa, his eyes flicking back and forth between the kids and the TV.

“She likes music,” Andy says quietly. He hands Sid a mug of coffee and sits down next to him.

“Yeah, if I’d known that three months ago I’d probably still have a job.”

Andy rolls his eyes but settles into Sid’s side.

They spend the rest of Christmas break moving all their things over to the new house. When they first looked at the house, Andy wasn’t sure he liked it. It’s a small three-bedroom with two bedrooms upstairs and one down. The rooms upstairs are connected through a shared bathroom and are mirror images of each other. Kai takes the room with the window that overlooks the backyard; Kaitlyn’s overlooks the driveway. The master bedroom has a door to the backyard, which has a fence that’s been painted a bright white. There’s something about the feel of the inside that changes Andy’s mind. The openness, the brightness. 

At first Sid doesn’t want his name on the house. “It’s not my money being used for it,” he says. Andy refuses to listen and insists his name be on all the paperwork. “If we’re in this together, then we’re in this together.” Sid finally agrees.

The New Year brings a lot of changes for them. Kai is nervous for his first day at his new school, but it’s newer and cleaner and Andy has verified that all the kids get their own chair. It doesn’t take him long to fit right in and make friends. Meanwhile, Andy begins his new role at the hospital, which means he goes back and forth between doing administrative tasks and seeing patients. He sees less of Piper, which she says is okay because he’ll have to make up for it by paying for dinner once a week at PassGo. 

Kaitlyn begins sleeping for five-hour stretches at night. It makes Sid feel almost like a brand new person. He tries to tell Andy’s mom they don’t need her on Thursdays anymore since their lives are starting to get back on track, but she pretends she can’t understand a word he’s saying and says, “Thursdays are tradition now. You can’t break tradition. I’m making lasagna next week. If you don’t want to come over, I’ll send the leftovers home.”

Sid spends most of January fixing all the minor repairs at his childhood home. Then he puts a For Rent sign in the front yard and begins his first venture as a landlord. Andy knows he’ll be grateful for whatever money he can contribute to the household. 

In mid-February, they decide to spend their Thursday evening with Andy’s mom at her house instead of going out with Piper and Ryan. There’s a cold front and most likely late-night snow, so when the tenants of Sid’s house call and say the heat is out, he has to skip dinner to go over there and fix the furnace. Except, two hours later when Andy is ready to leave with the kids, Sid isn’t back yet and the late-night snow has started early.

“Weather report says it might be a blizzard. There’s a severe weather warning.”

“Of course there is.”

“Take my car,” Andy’s mom says. “It already has a base for Kaitlyn’s car seat and she doesn’t have a crib here. Call Sid and tell him you’ll meet him at home. Get home before it gets any worse.”

Andy calls Sid and leaves him a voicemail while his mom helps strap the kids into the backseat of her car. He thanks her, kisses her cheek, and makes his way home. Normally the drive is fifteen minutes, but it takes him almost an hour. There’s so much snow on the road he cannot see the double yellow lines and with the snow falling so heavily, it’s difficult to see out his windshield. The other cars on the road go just as slowly. Kaitlyn, thankfully, isn’t crying. She makes fussy little noises, but she isn’t melting down. Kai is unusually quiet, which Andy is thankful for because he needs all his concentration on driving and getting home.

When he finally pulls into their driveway, Sid flies out of the house. Andy gets out of the car and Sid throws his arms around him.

“What’s wrong?” Andy asks, taken aback because Sid is never like this when he comes home.

Sid pulls away and gives him a shove. “Are you kidding me? You called me over an hour ago to say you were coming home so I drive straight here and you took so long I got worried. It’s only fifteen minutes from your mom’s.”

“You should’ve called. I had to drive really slow and there was traffic.”

Sid opens the back car door and grabs Kaitlyn’s carrier. Kai is already out of the car and running towards the door.

“I did,” Sid says. “You didn’t answer.”

They shut the doors and run into the house where it’s warm. Andy checks the pockets of his jacket and then his jeans.

“Oh my god,” he says, “I must’ve left my phone at my mom’s. Will you text her and tell her we all made it home safe?”

“Andy.” Sid looks more serious than Andy’s ever seen him. “I was about to leave and drive back towards your mom’s in case you were turned over in a ditch somewhere.” He almost looks as though he’s mad.

“Why are you so upset?” Andy asks. “I didn’t leave my phone on purpose.”

“Because I was worried! I’m not mad about your phone, but all these awful thoughts kept running through my head. Just promise me next time you’ll double check that you have your phone on you.”

Andy nods. “Yeah, sure, of course.”

“If you thought I was bad when you were in New York, imagine me if you were lost in a blizzard.”

It’s such a morbid thing to say, yet it’s also weirdly romantic. Andy nods again and kisses Sid’s cheek. “I love you, too,” he says cheekily and Sid rolls his eyes, but the tension seems to be gone. “If you get Kaitlyn changed I’ll make everyone hot chocolate. It’s really cold.”

The wind howls outside and pushes against the windows. Andy goes into the kitchen. He sees a stack of wood by the back door. Sid must have preemptively brought it inside when he got home. They haven’t used their fireplace yet, but with a snowstorm building up rage outside, tonight might be the first night they do so. Andy heats some milk over the stove and adds in chocolate and sugar, the way his mom used to when he was a little kid. He’s just pouring it into three mugs when Sid comes back downstairs with the kids, all in clean, warm pajamas.

Andy takes Kaitlyn from Sid’s arms. She looks sleepy and he carefully rocks her. The wind picks up and Andy goes to the back door and looks out the glass. He can’t see, so he flips on the deck lights. The wind pushes the snow back and forth and it’s beginning to pile up in their backyard. He goes through the kitchen and living room, back towards the front of the house. He flips on the porch light and looks out. He can’t see the tires of his mom’s car anymore; they’re buried under the snow. 

Sid comes up behind him and places a hand on his shoulder. “When was the last time we saw snow like this?”

“This bad? Probably sixth grade.”

“What would’ve that been for me? Eighth grade?” Sid looks like he’s thinking. “I guess that sounds about right.”

“I remember when there was a snowstorm when we still lived next door to each other.”

“I don’t,” says Sid. “I didn’t get to eat at your mom’s. I’m going to make a sandwich. Do you want anything?”

Andy frowns at the quick change of subject, but he shakes his head. He watches the snow through the front window for a while longer, Kaitlyn asleep in his arms. Then, there’s a snap and all the lights go out. 

“Son of a—” Sid says, but catches himself before cursing in front of Kai. 

Andy carefully makes his way through the dark back towards the kitchen. Sid is halfway through making a turkey sandwich. He quickly finishes and puts everything back in the fridge. It’s hard to see him in the darkened room, but there’s a flashlight in the junk drawer and Sid asks Kai to get it out for them.

“If we keep that closed, maybe the food will keep,” he says, nodding towards the fridge.

Andy shrugs. “Depends on how long the power is out.”

“Storm like this? No telling.”

They sit around the kitchen table. Kai finishes his hot chocolate while Sid eats his sandwich. Andy carefully sips on his own drink and they talk about his mom, his sister, the hospital, Piper, the kids at Kai’s school, and then finally they start to feel cold and, really, it’s probably past Kai’s bedtime anyway. Andy didn’t want to suggest going upstairs with the way the storm sounded outside, and now without any power, there’s no noise in the house which only makes the wind and snow outside sound more intense.

“The kids’ll get cold with no heat,” Sid says. “Especially Kaity.”

“We can start a fire and sleep in the living room.”

Sid considers this. “Keep hold of Kaitlyn. I’ll be back. Come on Kai, I need your help.”

Andy goes into the living room and sits on the sofa. He hears Sid and Kai upstairs, discussing something and then Kai laughs. Sid comes back down with a stack of blankets and the comforter off of Kai’s bed. Then they disappear again, Kai swinging the flashlight back and forth. Sid reappears again with the mattress of their king-sized bed and Kai has their blankets. It’s insanely heavy and Andy’s impressed Sid got it down the hallway without help.

“I slid it across the floor,” Sid says as though he knows what Andy is thinking. 

“Oh boy,” Andy says dryly. He gets up off the sofa and Sid pushes the furniture back, leaving a space in the middle. “I guess it’s a Phillips-Davis family slumber party?”

“You know it.” He throws the comforter on top of the mattress. “Kai, watch your sister, okay?”

Andy carefully lays Kaitlyn down on the bed. She stirs slightly, but her breathing evens back out. He helps Sid bring the wood into the living room and they start a fire in the fireplace. It warms the room quickly. Sid goes into the garage and grabs a couple of nails and his hammer. He asks Andy to hold the flashlight for him and he takes the older blankets, the ones none of them care about, and carefully puts them up over the doorways, carefully nailing them into the top of the doorframes in places where no one will ever see the damage. It blocks the heat from escaping the room. Andy grins; Sid has always been clever in ways he isn’t. He hammers so softly that Kaitlyn doesn’t even wake up. 

Sid takes the flashlight from Andy and disappears again. He comes back with their pajamas, another flashlight, Andy’s kindle, and a stack of Kai’s books. 

“You really think of everything,” Andy says.

Once they’re changed, they read a bunch of books to Kai until he falls asleep in the middle of the bed in between Andy and Sid. Kaitlyn is right next to him, still asleep. Sid reaches over the kids and takes Andy’s hand. He brings it to his mouth and kisses his palm. 

“Goodnight,” he whispers. He settles under the blankets and closes his eyes. 

Andy takes his kindle and reads for a bit. Reading relaxes him. He starts to doze off when Kaitlyn stirs. He gets up and goes into the kitchen to get a bottle for her. Outside of the living room, the house is freezing. He shivers and his hands start to shake as he gets everything he needs.

But she doesn’t want a bottle and she whimpers and fusses loud enough that Sid and Kai wake up. Andy paces back and forth, trying to get her to calm down. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, “but it’s too cold to go into another room with her.”

“It’s okay,” Sid says. He gets up and goes over to Andy. “I can take her if you want.”

“No, I got it. Where’s your phone? We can try a song off the playlist she likes. It usually helps to calm her down.”

“Good idea.” Sid goes to the sofa where his jeans are thrown over the back. He digs his phone out of his pocket. “It’s dead,” he says. “I was going to charge it but …” His voice trails off.

“It’s fine,” says Andy. Kaitlyn looks up at him with tears in her eyes. “You just want to go back to sleep, don’t you?”

She cries into his shoulder.

Sid mumbles something, grabs the flashlight, and is gone. Andy lays down on his back, Kaitlyn on his chest, and he rubs her back while she cries in his ear. When Sid comes back, he has his guitar in his hand. Andy stares up at him.

“Are you – are you serious right now?”

“Don’t,” says Sid. “It might help. She likes music.” He sits down on the floor next to Andy. “Don’t look at me,” he says, his voice low.

Andy takes in a sharp breath, but he looks down at Kaitlyn and kisses the top of her head as she wails.

When Sid begins to pluck at the strings, Andy is struck at how soft the sound is. He plays slow and low and it’s melodic and sweet. Kai turns towards Andy and Sid, still curled under the blankets, but he has a small smile on his face, as though maybe he knows how special this is right now. 

Kaitlyn quiets within a minute or two. She drools on Andy’s neck. Andy doesn’t want Sid to stop playing. He wants to listen for as long as Sid will play; this may be the only time he ever gets to hear this. He wants to say something, to thank Sid for trusting him enough to play, for letting him hear this when Sid has never let anyone listen before. But he stays quiet, not wanting to break this moment. 

Andy doesn’t know when he falls sleep, but when he wakes up, there is a little bit of light coming through the windows. The fire has died, and the room is beginning to get cold. Kaitlyn is still on his chest and Kai next to him. Sid is on the other side of the bed, under four blankets, his face looking soft and peaceful as he sleeps. 

His guitar is leaning against the wall next to the fireplace, looking as though that’s exactly where it belongs.

The power comes back on the next night, after everyone is asleep in the living room again. The snowplows are able to clear enough off the roads that everyone is able to leave their houses two days after that. The first place Andy goes is to his mom’s to get his cell phone. She’s nice enough to have it all charged for him and he has forty-seven missed text messages and thirteen missed phone calls. Most of the text messages are from Piper, knowing he doesn’t have his cell phone, and giving him a ridiculous narrative of her time without electricity.

He goes back to work and picks up an extra shift to make up for the ones that he missed after being unable to leave his house. When he gets home, Sid is looking annoyed and frustrated. 

“What’s wrong?” Andy asks, putting his keys down and taking off his coat. He wraps his arms around Sid and pulls him down for a kiss. 

“Hannah called me earlier. Said she missed so much work because of snow so she won’t be able to make enough money for rent this month.”

“Ah,” Andy says. “Of course. What’re you going to do?”

“Who knows. Probably pay it for her.”

“I wouldn’t give her money directly. It’ll never go towards the rent.”

“Good point. I can go to the leasing office, I guess. Think they’d take the money from me?”

“I doubt they care where it comes from as long as it gets paid.”

“You’re probably right.”

“You can’t make a habit out of this, though.”

“I know.” Sid kisses Andy again. “But right now I don’t care.”

“Where’re the kids?”

“Kaity is napping. Kai is building Legos in his room. I told him he could build down here, but he said no.”

“Cool. I don’t want to talk about your sister.” He leads Sid through the kitchen and into their room downstairs. “Be fast, Kaity will probably wake up in five minutes.”

Sid smirks. “I’m not the one who’s fast,” he jokes as he pulls off his shirt.

Andy shoves him playfully, but Sid grabs his hands and crashes his mouth against his.

* * *

Kaitlyn officially starts sleeping all the way through the night when she’s seven months old. She doesn’t start crawling until she’s almost eleven months, and even right before her first birthday she isn’t quite pulling herself to stand. She’s otherwise healthy and the doctor says she seems on point with her other milestones, so they aren’t supposed to worry. Except Andy totally does worry. He wishes he knew absolutely nothing about the medical field so he could live in the same blissful world as Sid who is taking the pediatrician’s advice.

Sid hasn’t gone back to work at the hospital. Instead, he finds a foreclosure and buys it with Andy’s help. James helps to fix it up with the shared intent of renting it out. Sid and James plan to pool the profits until they have enough for another property to either flip or rent.

“I think this could work,” Sid tells Andy one night while they’re getting ready for bed. “Kai’s already told me he wants me to keep picking him up every day after school, and he likes it when I visit him for lunch. I can’t do that if I’m back at the hospital, but...”

“And the mommies at playgroup think you’re hot.”

“I don’t go to – never mind. Yeah, the moms at the library like to talk about my tattoos.”

“Being home is really good for the kids, I think. You always say you want them to have a better childhood than you had.”

“I’m better at all the carpentry and cosmetic stuff like paint and tilework. James can fix all the mechanical stuff, electricity and plumbing and shit. It’s just, uh, it’s a lot to ask you.”

“Ask me to what?” Andy gets into bed.

“Be financially responsible for everyone.”

“Your old house brings in money.”

“Not as much as what you bring in.”

“I really don’t care about any of that. This conversation is tired.” He picks up his kindle from his bedside table. “Money has nothing to do with your worth in this family.”

Sid grumbles something but falls back into bed. “This is the weirdest life I could have imagined for myself. Living with the boy next door, two kids, no job.”

Andy pretends to read. “Your definition of ‘job’ and mine are very different. Not all jobs have paychecks. Did you know Edward II was gay?”

“I – what?”

“Edward the II, King of England.”

“There’s not a king of England.”

“Not now there’s not. He lived in the thirteenth century.”

“What does this have to do with not having a job?”

“Absolutely nothing. I just can’t talk about that subject anymore. You either believe you have worth staying home with the kids and doing your thing with James or you don’t. I clearly can’t convince you, so I’m reading this book and it’s talking about Edward II.”

Sid sighs, shakes his head, and grabs his phone and sticks his earbuds in his ear. When Andy glances over, he’s watching something on his YouTube. 

He knows Sid has a business plan. Renting out his old house already brings them a small amount and if Sid is okay with going into business with James, then Andy is okay with it, too – even though James still seems to hate him. Sid and James work on the foreclosed house on Andy’s days off and sometimes in the evenings when Andy is home and can be with the kids. He doesn’t mind; he knows Sid has never liked the idea of being supported financially and this makes him happy. 

By the time Kaitlyn is one, there’s a For Rent sign up in front of the new house Sid and James worked on. Sid seems to be feeling more relaxed now that he seems to have a plan to earn money for the household, even if it’s still currently less than what Andy makes. They decide to throw a first birthday party for Kaitlyn, which was really more of Andy’s and his mom’s idea, but Sid goes along with it.

Andy doesn’t know the first thing about throwing first birthday parties for kids so he lets his mom do most of the work. She is _thrilled_. They choose all the decorations in pink and gold and his mom finds a smash cake to match a sweet _I am One_ t-shirt. Andy invites their closest friends and talks Sid into inviting a couple of the regular babies and their moms from the library play group he takes her to every Tuesday morning. 

“If I’d known you’d make me socialize with these people, I never would have gone to that stupid baby music class with her,” Sid had said, “but they all RSVP’d yes so you can add three babies to your list.”

The day of the party, Sid asks James to help grill hamburgers and hot dogs out on their back deck, and everyone gathers in the back yard to eat and play. They have a large bucket full of ice and bottled beer and soda near the back door. Piper is on beer number four, which she says is the only thing that is going to get her through an afternoon of mommies and babies, and Ryan is doing his best to ignore how agitated Piper is acting. He rubs her back consolingly.

“I think pink and gold are my new favorite colors,” Piper says appreciatively, but there’s still an edge to her voice.

“If you need to go,” Andy says, “I’d understand. I wouldn’t be mad.”

“No, it’s your fucking daughter’s birthday, of course I can’t leave.”

One of the moms from the library whips her around and looks at Piper with a shocked expression on her face.

“Sorry,” Piper mumbles and downs the rest of her beer.

“No kids?” the mom asks.

“No.”

“I used to feel the same way but wait until you have kids. It’ll change you completely.”

Piper makes a strangled noise and walks away. Andy grimaces and makes to go after her, but Ryan shakes his head.

“I got it. Don’t worry.” To the mom he says, “Kids are a sensitive topic for her.”

She has the decency to look embarrassed and Andy shrugs at her and goes to find Sid. He’s at the grill with James. Andy hands him a beer and then looks around.

“I thought you had the baby,” he says. “Where is she?”

“Oh, shit! I lost the baby!”

Andy narrows his eyes. “You aren’t funny.”

“There’s fifteen people here. Bets are someone has her.”

James looks at Andy with a blank expression on his face. “Your sister has her.”

“Molly is holding a baby? No way. I can’t believe she even came.”

Sid kisses the top of Andy’s head. “The grill is almost heated up. Where’s all the hamburger?”

“In the kitchen. Stacked on a plate.” Andy spots Molly across the lawn talking with their mom. She’s holding Kaitlyn as though she might actually like her. “I’ll see you later.”

Sid laughs behind him and says something with a fond tone to his voice, but Andy’s legs are carrying him towards his sister. “Oh, Molls, look at you!”

“Yeah, she’s cute, but I think she needs to be changed.”

Andy takes Kaitlyn out of Molly’s arms. “I got it. Thanks for coming.”

“Mom didn’t give me a choice.”

“Molly!”

“Well, you didn’t. She paid for my plane ticket.”

“Either way, thanks for coming.”

“I’m between shows.”

Andy knows she had to get a part-time job because she hadn’t gotten another role as a principal and being in the chorus doesn’t pay the bills. Still, she maintains she’s happier in New York than she ever was here at home and Andy hopes she’s being earnest. He kisses her cheek and then takes Kaitlyn inside so he can get her all changed up and maybe a nap before it’s time for cake. She usually sleeps for an hour in the afternoons.

The back door is open, and he enters the kitchen, expecting to see Sid and James gathering up what they need to make burgers on the grill, but the room is empty. When he’s halfway to the living room, he sees them, standing in the living room, the sofa between them.

“You’re fucking kidding me here, right?” James snaps.

“What is your problem, man?”

“I’ve known you for sixteen years, but for the last two years it’s like I don’t know who you are.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You know how many times I tried to get you to come play with me? I had that band in high school and college, but no. You didn’t play for anyone except yourself. Now you’re telling me you play for _him_?”

Andy freezes and he wants to walk away, he wants to interrupt, but he can’t decide which, so he stays planted in place. This doesn’t sound like a normal argument between friends.

“If I ever played for anyone it would be for Andy or the kids,” Sid says. “I still don’t see the problem.”

“Because you’re the person you used to always say you never wanted to be. You used to bartend for god’s sake and now you’re acting like someone’s housewife.”

“That’s why I’m trying to go into business with you, you idiot, because I don’t want to be a housewife.”

“So then leave all this shit behind.”

Andy’s heart plummets.

Sid scratches the back of his neck. “That’s not what I meant. I feel guilty not making any money, but I don’t regret any of this. I mean, if it wasn’t for Hannah, I would not have kids right now, but I’m not mad about it anymore. I’d never leave these kids. They’re mine now.”

James groans. “Fine, but Andy? He’s not even your type.”

“What about Andy?”

“This life, this house, it’s not you. Staying at home because he thought it was a good idea? Come on.”

“I don’t know what to tell you. It wasn’t as simple as that. I don’t know why you hate him and if he was lumped into the whole ‘leave all this shit behind’ comment, then I hate to break it to you, but that’s never gonna happen. What’s wrong with you? You’re acting insane.”

“Is it because he pays the bills?”

“Jesus, James.”

“I just don’t understand. Why Andy?”

Sid shrugs. “I mean, I wasn’t looking for something permanent but then he, just, you know … wasn’t there a day you woke up and looked at Rachael and knew you wanted her around every day?”

“No.”

“That’s … unfortunate. What is all this? Are you trying to get me to choose between him and you? Because you’re my best friend, but Andy is – well – _Andy_. What’s your fucking deal today?”

James throws his hands up in the air. “Fuck!” he cries. He rubs the heels of his hands against his eyes and groans. “Ten years ago,” he says.

Sid is quiet. James drops his hands.

“Okay,” Sid finally says. “But that was ten years ago. Does Rachael know?”

“Does Andy?”

“No, but not on purpose. I didn’t tell him because I honestly don’t think about it. I haven’t thought about that in years.”

James flinches. “You told me you’d never settle down with anyone. There’d never be anyone permanent, but if there was, it would be a girl. And now look at you. A fucking husband and two kids and this guitar. It’s bullshit, that’s all it is, and I want the old Sid back. The Sid before Andy and Rachael. The one who didn’t have to ask for permission to come and paint a house with me.”

Kaitlyn sneezes and James’ eyes jump from Sid into the kitchen and settle on Andy. He doesn’t know what propels him forward, but Andy walks into the living room. “He doesn’t ask for permission,” he says. “He knows he doesn’t have to. He waits for me to get home so I can be here for the kids. I don’t mind that he has his own thing that he does.”

Sid slowly turns around. Andy can tell he’s trying to gauge what his true reaction is to everything, whether or not he put the pieces together.

“I guess this explains why you don’t like me,” Andy says to James. “If it means anything, I don’t think I changed Sid. He was going to have these kids whether or not I was a thing in his life. I think you know that. And I think that if your friend has changed it’s not a bad thing if he’s genuinely happy, which I think he is.” Andy thinks of Piper and Ryan, how he never thought Piper would live with anyone and now Ryan occupies space in her home. How Piper used to be just as closed off to relationships as Sid and now she actively tells someone she loves him. She’s different, happy, but also the same, and Andy is glad for it.

“Fuck,” James says again. 

“Aren’t you married?” Andy says, feeling annoyed. “How would Rachael feel hearing you talk like this?”

“I gotta get out of here,” James says. 

Sid tries to block him. “Don’t go. Look, you’ve been my best friend for sixteen years and for the first thirteen of them I was almost always available to you. The last three or four years have been hard. First Kai and now Kaitlyn – those are huge changes. I get that it sucks when you’re used to having me be free for you. But don’t blame this on Andy.”

James opens his mouth to say something, but then shuts it.

“If you want to be friends, then you have to accept this is my life and I like it this way. If you can’t get past that, then maybe we need to rethink going into business together.”

James nods, doesn’t say anything, but turns to walk out the front door. Andy waits for a minute before breaking the silence with, “You think he’s going to drive off and leave Rachael in the backyard?”

Sid looks at him and Andy looks back. It feels like a challenge – he doesn’t want to be the first one to break eye contact.

“I need to change Kaitlyn,” he says.

Sid nods. “I’ll come with you.”

Andy leads the way up the stairs to Kaitlyn’s room. He lays her on the changing table and grabs a clean diaper and wipes. 

“So,” he says, “ten years ago you slept with James? I didn’t know he was bi.”

Sid snorts. “There were a few months where we fooled around. Nothing serious – or at least I didn’t think it was. Back then I didn’t commit to anyone and he knew that. I definitely didn’t want a boyfriend. I was still trying to figure myself out. I was only twenty-one.”

“He sounds like he’s been in love with you for the last ten years.”

“He’s not in love with me, don’t exaggerate the situation.”

“I wouldn’t blame him if he was,” Andy says.

Sid is quiet and Andy finishes with Kaitlyn and picks her back up.

“Are you mad?” Sid asks, finally breaking the quiet.

Andy considers the question. “Honestly? Not really. I’m surprised you didn’t tell me, though.”

“It wasn’t a secret. I just … don’t ever think about it.”

“I believe you. I’ve never told you about all the people I was with before you and none of those are secrets either. You know the exes who were important fixtures in my life, but if they weren’t then they weren’t worth mentioning.”

“James is an important fixture,” Sid says, “but only as a friend. I didn’t even like him like that – which makes me sound like an asshole, but ten years ago I thought we were messing around, stupid shit that didn’t mean anything. We didn’t even kiss – just … you know. Other stuff.”

“You don’t have to defend it. I believe you.”

“Why are you being so calm about this? It’s kind of freaking me out.”

Andy shrugs. “Because I heard you – you didn’t keep it a secret on purpose. It was ten years ago. I trust you. Although this really explains why he hates me. Can we go join Kaitlyn’s party again? People are going to wonder where their burgers are.”

“Oh shit,” Sid says. “And the grill is still on.” He rushes out of Kaitlyn’s room but then rushes back in. He kisses Andy hard on the mouth. “Thanks for being so cool about this. We’ll talk more later.”

But they didn’t need to. They finish Kaitlyn’s party. James and Rachael left without saying goodbye and Kaitlyn sleeps through all the food except for cake, which she smashes her piece into a million crumbs and almost none of it makes it to her mouth. Molly leaves with their mom, but promises to come back over tomorrow for breakfast before her flight home. Piper and Ryan offer to stay and help clean up. As Andy is picking up all the torn-up pieces of wrapping paper off the floor in the living room, he tells Piper about James. 

“He suddenly makes a lot more sense now,” she says, “but I wouldn’t waste my energy on being jealous. Sid is clearly in love with you and I can’t imagine a jackass like James is going to get in the middle of that.”

Andy agrees and realizes for the first time he truthfully feels incredibly calm about his life. He feels more rooted, complete. He knows if Sid thinks about ten years into the future, it’ll include him. It’ll always include him. Andy smiles. He never imagined uncovering secrets like he did today would lead him to feeling even better about life.

* * *

It’s a really hot fall, all the way through Labor Day and Halloween. They don’t even need coats for Thanksgiving. This year Molly comes home solo and Ryan and Piper join, too. Sid tries to get James to come out, but they’ve barely spoken since Kaitlyn’s party. James has gone out to the new house to fix the water heater twice, but he won’t go if he knows Sid will be there. Sid wants to look at other properties, but James declines. Andy goes with him instead, but he knows it isn’t the same. He wants to help Sid with this new business venture, but he knows he isn’t the right person for the job: James is. 

Thankfully the two properties Sid does have bring in enough money for Sid to stop talking about how useless he feels not contributing anything financially. He decides to buy a third house to flip and thinks he can do all the repairs himself because most of it is simply cosmetic. It takes him almost two months to finish and it’s a lot of long nights after Andy comes home from work and a lot of missed Thursday dinners with Andy’s mom. But the pay-off is greater after he sells it and gives Sid enough to keep propelling forward. 

Andy watches the kids grow and get bigger. Watches Kaitlyn learn to walk, learn to run, learn to talk and eat vegetables without crying. Watches Kai learn to read, learn to write. He starts to make real friends in school, including two best friends named Maria and Marcus. Maria’s parents are a little leery of them; they’ve never been exposed to two same-sex parents before. Marcus’ dad, Damian, doesn’t care – Marcus’ mom is out of the picture and his aunt is gay. Sometimes they invite Marcus for sleepovers on Fridays after school. It’s unspoken between them, but they know Damian uses the time to date and be free. Kai’s friends love Sid who is such a natural at talking and playing with kids, way more natural than even Andy is, although he’d probably never admit it. 

They have a big cookout on July Fourth. They’re missing James still, but Sid seems to have replaced that friendship with Damian, although Andy knows it’s rather superficial. They don’t talk about anything deep or important, but they seem to fill something in each other’s lives, an understanding of what it’s like to be an untraditional parent maybe. Piper and Ryan come, as they always do, and announce that Ryan has – _finally_ – gotten rid of his apartment and they officially share the same address. Andy’s mom is there, too, mostly watching Kaitlyn and Kai while everyone else enjoys burgers and beer. Later that night, after everyone has gone home, Sid takes a phone call from Hannah. He takes it out on the back deck, but when he finishes the call, he doesn’t come back inside. Andy opens the door and walks out. He stands next to wear Sid is leaning against the railing. He doesn’t say anything, just stands, his hand under Sid’s t-shirt, rubbing his back.

“She said she can’t make rent.”

“Again?”

“I want to tell her no, but if I don’t, she’ll get evicted. If I tell her yes, it frees up money for her to buy more of whatever she’s using.”

“I get it,” Andy says.

“She’s still my sister. She’s still their mom.”

“You don’t have to make excuses for my sake.”

“I feel like either way, it’s the wrong decision.”

“You can’t win here,” Andy says. “But don’t give her cash. Pay the leasing office directly.”

Sid nods. “Yeah,” he says, “I always do.”

“How many times does this make?”

“I think four.”

Andy rolls his eyes, but keeps rubbing Sid’s back.

They don’t speak about Hannah again and Andy doesn’t think about her until it’s Kaitlyn’s birthday. She turns two, which makes Andy realizes it’s been an entire year without James. Sid doesn’t talk about it anymore, but he knows Sid wonders. He sent James a text last Christmas and this year on his birthday, both went unanswered. He wonders if Sid realizes how long it’s been. 

He gets his answer when they go to bed and Sid is composing a long text on his phone. Andy watches him, knowing by the focused look on his face and the tenseness in his shoulders that he’s reaching out to James.

“Why?” Andy asks.

“I don’t know.”

“He’s the one being an idiot.”

“I know.”

“So then … why?”

“I don’t know,” Sid answers answers again. “We were friends for sixteen years. Seems fucked up that he’d dismiss it because I have a family now. Doesn’t make sense.”

Andy doesn’t push it. 

In December they hit four years together. It seems strange; it’s the longest relationship either of them has been in, but it’s more than that. It’s cemented and complete. Andy feels relaxed; Sid has finally let him in and they’re together, no secrets, no walls. Sid has even agreed to do musical story time at for Kaitlyn’s class at preschool. She only goes two days a week, but somehow Sid gets roped into doing it once a month for each of the classes. And by “roped into” Andy knows what Sid really means to say was “asked by the director and immediately agreed.” 

It does make Andy reflect on how much Sid really _has_ changed. So maybe James was a little bit right after all.

After Christmas, Ryan invites Andy out to PassGo – alone, no Piper and no Sid. Andy goes and finds Ryan already there at a booth with a beer and a deck of playing cards in front of him.

“Hey,” Andy says as he sits. “What’s up? I’m guessing Piper isn’t coming since you told me to leave Sid at home.”

“Nope.”

“This is weird, then.”

“Why?”

“We’ve never hung out without her before.”

“I know. You should order a beer.”

The bar isn’t busy yet and Ryan motions towards their server and orders Andy a drink. She comes back with it fairly quickly and Andy takes a long pull from it.

“Okay, ready.”

Ryan reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a small box. He slides it across the table towards Andy.

“I’m not opening that.”

“Oh, come on.”

Andy groans and opens the box. “Oh my god, how much did you spend?”

“I need you to tell me if she’ll like it.”

Andy looks at the ring inside. The center stone is a blue sapphire and it’s surrounded by small clear diamonds. It doesn’t look anything like an engagement ring, but Andy knows that’s what it’s supposed to be. 

“The ring she’ll like,” Andy says carefully. “The proposal, though, that she may not like.”

“We talked about it some,” Ryan admits. “It’s been three years. I don’t want to get married tomorrow and I can wait a while.”

“What if she doesn’t want a wedding?”

“I won’t care about that. Has she said anything to you about getting married?”

Andy shakes his head. “Not really. She knows you want to, though. I think she wants to want it.”

“That’s the best I can hope for.” Ryan takes the ring and puts it back in his jacket pocket. “I’d kind of like to know you’re okay with it.”

“Okay with what? Asking her to marry you?”

Ryan nods.

“I’m not her dad. You don’t have to ask my permission.”

“No, but the bond you two have, it’s unique. I’ve dated a lot of women in the past and none of them have had friends as close as you and her are. I know if you aren’t okay with it, she’ll never agree.”

“Oh,” Andy says. “Well, uh … I’m okay with it. I think you’re good for her. She doesn’t trust a lot of people, but you haven’t pushed her or tried to change her. Any changes she’d made have been on her own, so it’s good. Yeah.”

Ryan grins. “Cool. Thanks. That means a lot.”

They start to talk about the hospital and about the kids. They each order another round and then someone catches Andy’s attention across the bar. 

“Son of a bitch,” Andy breathes. He looks at Ryan. “My ex is here. He’s an asshole and he will absolutely come over here if he sees me.”

“Is this the ex Piper wants to castrate?”

“Yes.”

“She’ll be so jealous if I get to meet him and she’s not here to witness it.”

“Yeah, it was nice to see you and everything, but I’m going to – _shit_.” Trevor sees Andy and grins. He starts to walk over. “I apologize in advance for whatever bullshit he says.”

“Andy!” Trevor cries. “It’s been, what, almost three years since we’ve seen each other?” He looks at Ryan. “Another new boyfriend? Going for older men now?”

Andy can see the amusement in Ryan’s eyes. “I’m Ryan,” he says, “and I’m Piper’s boyfriend.”

“Piper? Why does that name seem familiar?”

“Oh stop being a jackass, Trevor,” Andy snaps. “We both know you remember Piper. We were in the middle of something, so unless you’re here to apologize for the way you acted when we were together, then I don’t see the need to have a passive aggressive conversation now.”

“I’m surprised to hear you talk like that, Andy. Last time your boyfriend had to protect you from me. Where’s he now? I imagine you’ve had several new boyfriends in the last three years?”

Andy looks at Trevor and feels something new in his chest. A sadness – no, pity. There must be something ugly in him to act this way because Andy knows none of this actually has anything to do with him.

“He has a name,” Andy says. “Sid.”

“Ah, Sid. What a name.”

“Sid is at home with our two kids, actually,” says Andy, “so I could come here and talk with Ryan for a while without interruption. I appreciate you coming over to say hello, but we need to get back to our discussion and you can go back to your own date – if that’s what it is over there.”

“Kids?” says Trevor, looking genuinely surprised. Something changes in his eyes, that hardness shift into something else.

“Goodbye, Trevor.”

“Bye, Trevor,” Ryan echoes. 

Trevor stands at the end of the table, his eyes on Andy for several moments before he finally nods once and walks away. 

“Good for you,” Ryan says.

“I think I’m going to throw up.” Andy rubs his eyes. “The last time I saw him I’d been with Sid for about a year. We’d just moved in together. I was here in this bar actually. And then Trevor came over and he’s such an asshole, but I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want him to think I was there alone or pining away for him or anything. I still kind of cared what he thought of me. Now? I don’t care. He doesn’t matter. I haven’t actively thought about him in months – years maybe.”

Ryan nodded appreciatively. “Good for you,” he says. “Good for you.”

* * *

In the middle of spring, Andy and Sid go to a neighborhood-wide yard sale. They don’t have anything to sell themselves, but Andy wants to see if anyone has any bikes or outdoor playthings the kids might like. They end up finding a bike just the right size for Kai and an old train table that Sid thinks he can sand and repaint for all of Kai’s wooden trains. Another family had a tricycle that they grab for Kaitlyn; Sid wants to paint it pink and gold. 

That night, Sid opens the garage after the kids are in bed and starts sanding down the table to get it ready to repaint. Andy is mostly there for moral support, handing Sid the proper hex head and holding the screws when he decides to take it apart. They both pause when a truck pulls up into their driveway.

“I got it,” Andy says. He hops down from where he’s been sitting on top of Sid’s workbench and goes to the front of the garage. “It’s your BFF,” he calls to Sid while watching James get out of the truck.

“BFF? I’m not a seventeen-year-old girl,” Sid calls.

“Neither am I, but I call Piper my BFF.” Andy raises his eyebrows at James. “Hello, stranger. I’ve forgotten your name, can you remind me?”

James has his hands shoved in his jeans pockets. He has a denim jacket on and a beanie pulled down over his ears. Spring nights are still cold.

“I came to see Sid.”

“I see.”

“Can I come in?”

“Hmmm.”

“Stop being a jackass,” Sid calls. “Come on.”

Andy steps aside and James passes him and goes into the garage. He stops a few feet away from Sid and looks at the workbench and the floor around it. Andy wonders what James is thinking considering the last time he saw him he was telling Sid how much he changed now that he had a family. 

“Hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable,” Sid says. “Instead of being out at a bar, Andy made me stay home so I could redo this train table for Kai.”

“I deserve that.”

Sid doesn’t take his eyes off the project in front of him. “Yes, you do.”

Andy hops back up on the workbench. “So what’s up?” he asks. 

James looks back and forth between them. Andy is wearing blue plaid pajama bottoms and an oversized sweatshirt that once belonged to Sid; he stole it from him because it’s large enough to wrap himself in and smells distinctly of Sid. His feet are bare and next to him, by the side of the bench, is a large basket full of outdoor toys: a soccer ball, several bottles of bubbles, a jump rope. Sid has on a t-shirt from a fundraiser at Kai’s school. He has on a pair of track pants and a baseball cap turned backwards. This house, this garage, the two of them, Andy knows it feels domesticated. It has a quietness to it, a calm. There’s evidence of their life in here, bikes and toys, Kaitlyn’s old car seat that they haven’t gotten rid of yet, a picture Kai drew taped to the wall above the workbench. Even the two of them, right now, in comfy clothes, working on a project for one of their kids. Andy wonders what James is thinking about when he sees this.

“Rachael’s pregnant.”

Sid almost drops the wrench in his hand. “Should’ve worn a condom.” 

“Sid,” Andy says. He says it like a warning.

“What?” Sid glances at him.

“You’re not being helpful.”

“Oh, I’m well aware of that.” He sets his tools down and turns around to lean back against the workbench. “So she’s pregnant? You guys don’t use birth control?”

“I don’t like condoms and she was on the pill, but she had an ear infection a couple months ago.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Sid asks.

“Antibiotics interfere with birth control,” Andy supplies. “Her doctor should’ve told her to use a back-up.” He clamps his mouth shut, suddenly realizing he’s not being helpful either.

“Please don’t judge me right now,” James asks, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets. He looks at Sid. “You know condoms suck.”

Sid smirks. “Yeah, but when we stopped using them, I didn’t have to worry about getting Andy pregnant.”

James winces. “That’s … I didn’t need to know that.” 

“Tell me what you came here to tell me.”

James sighs. “Right, Rachael. I found out in December and I was really mad about it. I didn’t know how to tell her I didn’t want it. She seems so happy, even though we’d both always said we didn’t want kids.”

“Go on,” Sid says.

“Two days ago I went to the appointment with her. I hadn’t gone before, but this one was going to have an ultrasound.” James swallows and his voice starts to sound a bit thick. “I spent the first two and a half months being pissed about having a kid that I didn’t want and now I’m scared to death that I’m going to end up fucking it all up. I don’t know what the fuck to do with a daughter.”

Andy glances at Sid. His face softens and he sighs.

“Kids change you,” Sid says. “You don’t want them to and you can say that you’ll still be the same person, but it’s impossible. But, you know, it’s okay to not want them and change your mind later.”

“Are you glad you have them? If you got the chance to do it all over again, would you still choose them?”

“The alternative is for them go to to foster care, so yeah, I’d always choose for them to come here.” Sid shrugs. “But if I could choose them to not exist in the first place, I can’t answer that. They wouldn’t be here if Hannah didn’t use – that much is true. If I went back in time, I’d try to get her to get help sooner maybe. I don’t know if that’s even possible – she’s been who she is since we were kids. I could tell she was like our mom from the beginning. But if it wasn’t for Kai, I wouldn’t have met Andy, so it’s hard to say if my life would be better or worse. I can’t answer your question the way you want me to.”

“But knowing you can’t change anything, are you glad you have them?” James asks again.

Andy watches the emotions pass through Sid’s eyes before he finally answers, “Yes.”

James lets out a breath. “You’re not just saying shit to me?”

Sid shrugs. “They’re cool and funny and weird.”

James looks at Andy. “You probably think I’m a shitty person.”

“I think you’re a selfish person,” Andy says without hesitation. “Doesn’t mean I think you’re shitty. But Rachael is excited, right?”

For a moment, Andy thinks James’ eyes look wet, but he quickly blinks, swallows and nods. “Yeah,” he says, “she’s ecstatic. I’m trying to do a good job faking it.”

“You need to tell her,” Sid says. “At least tell her you’re scared about fucking it up. I don’t like talking about myself, but it’ll be worse if you don’t let her help you. She’s probably terrified, too.”

James is quiet.

“I’m sure if you ask nicely, Sid will be friends with you again,” Andy says. He ignores the eyeroll Sid gives him. “You do have to know that I didn’t do anything to take Sid away from you. He would have these kids whether or not I’m here.”

“I know that.”

“I don’t think you’re in love with him, but you acted like a jealous ex, which is really uncool.”

“I’m – what? No, I’m not—”

Andy raises his hand. “Stop. You were mad that Sid isn’t as available as he used to be, which is partly because he’s in a relationship, yes, but mostly because of the kids. Priorities change when we get older, and either you can handle that or you can’t, but you’re acting like he’s a different person, when really he’s exactly the same. Caring and loyal. He never stopped hanging out with you or helping you when me or the kids came into his life. It just shifted things around. You didn’t stop being important to him.”

James’ cheeks redden, but Sid looks thoughtful.

“Why don’t you guys go get a beer or something?” Andy suggests. “I need to catch up on _Supernatural_ anyway.”

James’ expression is hopeful as he looks at Sid.

“Sure,” says Sid. He pushes off the workbench and kisses Andy’s forehead. “I’ll be back soon.” To James he says, “There’s a bar two miles outside of the neighborhood. You can follow me there.”

Andy watches as they get in their separate trucks. He smirks and jumps off the workbench. He closes the garage door and goes inside. He grabs his phone to call Piper. This is one of those Sid stories she’ll enjoy hearing.

* * *

**Sunday Night**

The kids get the ice cream together with surprisingly little mess. Sid has to remind them to put the ice cream back in the freezer when they’re done and they scooped out way too much, but ultimately it’s a success. Andy has to go to work tomorrow, but it’s still summer, so Sid declares it movie night. The kids have to brush their teeth and change into pajamas before he’ll press play. Kaitlyn jumps into Andy’s chair and curls in his lap. Whenever they watch TV, Sid and Kai usually take up the sofa and Andy takes the armchair and ottoman, but when the kids go to bed, Andy and Sid usually end up tangled together on one end of the couch. 

“I want to watch _Lion King_ ,” Kaitlyn says. 

“No way,” answers Sid. “We’re watching something from my childhood.”

Kaitlyn and Kai groan. 

“Your stuff is boring,” Kai complains.

“…isn’t _Lion King_ from your childhood?” Andy offers.

“I was probably eleven or twelve when it came out. I’m talking about pure eighties magic.”

“Of course,” Andy says. “It’s Father’s Day, after all.” 

“Oh yeah,” says Kai. “I guess it’s only fair you get to choose the movie, Tad.” He says it with a tone that indicates he absolutely disagrees.

Sid presses play and the kids make it through almost half the movie before they’re both fast asleep. Sid is able to wake Kai up enough that he stumbles up the stairs and to his room, but Kaitlyn is dead weight and he has to carry her to bed. He covers her up with her Disney princess blankets and goes to turn off her lamp and shut the door when he notices Andy in the doorway.

“I didn’t hear you come up,” he says softly.

“I’m like a ninja.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

Andy’s watching Kaitlyn sleep. She’s still tiny, even at four years old, so her twin-sized bed looks as though it’s swallowing her up. 

“It’s weird,” Andy whispers, “I’ve been around for her whole life and sometimes it still doesn’t feel real.”

“She’s four. That’s a long time for it not to feel real.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah,” Sid admits, “I do. I feel like we had this conversation before.”

“A hundred times,” Andy says. “Are you ready for bed?”

“With you? Always.”

Andy goes downstairs first. Sid closes Kaitlyn’s bedroom door and follows. He turns off the TV and turns off all the lights. When he gets to their room, Andy is already undressed and under the covers. He has his kindle in his hands, but he isn’t reading.

“You okay?” Sid asks as he pulls his socks off and undoes the button to his jeans.

“Mm hmm. I don’t think we should wait.”

“Wait for what?”

“To get married. I know you said do it around Christmas because that’s when we got together, but I don’t want to wait any longer. We’ve been together six and a half years.”

Sid pulls his shirt off and drops it on the floor next to his socks. “Yeah.”

“I thought I was happy before you asked,” says Andy softly. “And I was – I am – but this is what I didn’t know I was waiting for, you know? And the kids – I feel like I need it to happen now.”

“Okay,” says Sid with a nod. He pushes his jeans down and gets into bed in only his boxers. “Okay,” he says again. “Whenever you want.”

“Tomorrow.”

Sid laughs. “You have to work tomorrow.”

“I’ll call out sick.”

“And your mom and the kids and Piper—”

“Piper doesn’t leave for her honeymoon until Tuesday. My mom can call out of work.”

“Jeez, Andy.” Sid studies him, the look of longing on his face. “Okay, sure. Whatever you want. Can we do it in the same day? Don’t we have to apply for a marriage license?”

“I googled it earlier and yes. There’s no waiting period.”

“Okay, okay,” says Sid. “Tomorrow.”

Andy tosses his kindle back on his bedside table and launches himself at Sid, hugging him around his middle. “Thank you,” he says into his skin.

Sid tangles his fingers in Andy’s hair. “Whatever you want,” he says. “Anything you want.”

* * *

**June: Two Years Ago**

Andy has all of Kaitlyn’s baby things in neat stacks around the living room. A lot of clothes, some toys, and several books. He’s kept a few things, keepsakes, but everything else is downstairs. They offered all the things they don’t need any more to Rachael and James for when their new baby comes. She only has seven weeks left. James has resumed his friendship with Sid, although Sid doesn’t seem as committed as he once was. Ever since that first night, he’s only gone out with James when Damian can also come, which means Marcus has had a lot of playdates at their house the last few months.

Rachael and James come over for dinner and Rachael comes with Andy when he tucks Kaitlyn into bed. They just upgraded her to a twin-sized bed a couple of weeks ago with the intent of giving James her old crib. Rachael watches from the doorway as Andy kneels next to Kaitlyn’s bed.

“One thing that made you happy today,” Andy says.

“Going to your wo’k,” she says.

“My work? Seeing you there made me happy, too! Okay, one thing that made you sad today.”

“No school.” Although it sounds more like _schoo_ ; Kaitlyn has a hard time saying her L’s and R’s.

“Ah, but you have all summer to spend with Tad. And then you’ll go to school three days a week next year. Are you ready for your prayer?”

Kaitlyn nods. 

“Together?”

Kaitlyn nods again. 

“Okay – thank you, God, for my comfy bed, that keeps me warm up to my head. Thank you for my family too, and guiding me in all I do. May you keep us safe all through the night, and not wake up ‘til morning light. Amen.” 

Andy kisses Kaitlyn’s forehead and smooths her light curls. She yawns and says, “Night, Dee Dee.” He stands up and goes to the door. Rachael moves back into the hallway as he closes the door.

“I didn’t know you guys were religious,” she says.

“Oh, she learned that in school. It’s a church preschool down the street. She was in the two-year-old class last year twice a week. We wanted her to go somewhere to meet some kids her own age, but Sid didn’t want her gone all week. They’re very modern. Sid doesn’t like people, but he likes it there, and all the moms love him.”

“Of course they do, he’s got that bad boy turned good vibe going.”

“That’s what I hear,” Andy says rather dryly.

“Okay, what about the happy and sad thing?”

“I started that with Kai a long time ago. We say one thing that made us happy today and one thing that made us sad.”

“Dee Dee?”

“She couldn’t say ‘Andy’ so that’s what she said and now they both call me that.”

“I’m going to literally die that’s so unbelievably cute. I can’t believe I missed a whole year of them growing up.”

“You can blame your husband for that,” Andy says.

“Oh, believe me, I’ve told him plenty of times that he’s an asshole.”

“I knew I liked you.”

They go back downstairs to start sorting through all of Kaitlyn’s baby things. James still looks unsure about everything, but apparently he’s made some progress according to Sid. He may not be as happy as Rachael is about having a baby, but he’s at least reached a level of acceptance. Sid wants to believe that James will have a change of heart once he meets his daughter, but he’s not convinced it’ll happen. Andy hopes that for Rachael’s sake, and the baby’s, that James does come around. 

Rachael carefully puts everything they want to take in a large box. She touches everything with light fingers as though it’s fragile.

“She has a lot of preemie sized stuff,” Andy says, “because she was so tiny. You may not need that size. She’s still the smallest one in her class.” 

Sid sits in the new armchair they bought a few weeks ago. Andy sits on the arm next to him. Sid seems oddly stoic, watching Rachael go through everything, but not saying much. Andy runs his fingers through the hair near the back of Sid’s neck, lightly scratching his scalp. Sid leans into the touch.

Racheal is almost done. Everything she likes, she asks James what he thinks, but he only shrugs and says, “We’ll take whatever you like. You’re the expert on girls, not me.” Rachael asks all kinds of questions about raising a girl, what it’s like, what the worst part of infancy was. They remind her that their story with Kaitlyn isn’t typical, but Andy nearly forgets how to breathe when Sid says, “But the way she runs to me every time I pick her up from school, as though I’m the best thing she’s seen all day, kind of makes me forget how horrible the first seven months were.”

It’s almost ten o’clock when a knock at the front door breaks up their conversation. Andy starts to get up to answer, but Sid puts a hand on his thigh and gets up instead. 

“Whoever it is, it’s late,” he says, “and they need to go.” The knocking continues and Sid grumbles something about “waking the damn kids up.” He throws open the door and Andy cranes his neck to try and see who it is. 

“Oh my god,” he says as he jumps up. He crosses the room towards the door, but stays behind Sid.

“Hannah, you can’t be here,” Sid says. He doesn’t move from the doorway or invite her in.

“You’ve been ignoring my calls.”

“I’m not ignoring you. I’m not telling you what you want to hear.”

“I’m gonna get evicted. I’m two months behind in my rent.”

“Go to rehab. I told you I’d pay for rehab. I can’t keep paying your rent.”

“I told you, I got a new job but they don’t pay weekly like my old one.”

“No,” Sid says firmly. “I can’t. I won’t. Not this time.”

“Sidney—”

“Don’t call me that. Dad called me that right before he’d beat the shit out of me.”

“I’m not Dad.”

“Hannah, you’ve got to go. You can’t be here.”

“How’re the kids?”

“Don’t do that,” Sid warns.

“I can’t ask after my own kids after you fucking stole them?”

“I didn’t steal your kids, Hannah. Get out of here. They don’t know you.”

“Do they ask about me? Does Kai ask where I am?”

Andy wonders if Sid is going to lie to her, tell her that Kai asks how she is all the time, even though the truth is that Kai hasn’t asked about her in over a year. It’s as though she doesn’t exist. Andy doesn’t hear what Sid’s response is because he hears a small cry and footsteps behind him. 

“Dee Dee.”

Andy whirls around and dashes to the stairs. Kaitlyn is almost at the bottom but when she sees Andy she launches herself into his arms. Her legs wrap halfway around his waist and she buries her head in his chest. He holds her with one hand and smooths her hair with the other.

“Kay Kay,” he says, “what’s wrong?”

She shakes her head, but he feels her tears through his t-shirt. He lifts her chin so she’ll look at him.

“Did something wake you up?”

She nods.

“It’s okay. You’re okay.”

She buries her head back into her chest.

“Kay Kay?” Hannah says behind Andy. “Kai and Kay Kay?”

Andy turns his head slowly, but he doesn’t want Kaitlyn to see Hannah. She pushes Sid back; he doesn’t expect it and he stumbles enough that she’s able to make her way through the door into their entryway. Andy holds Kaitlyn’s head to his chest to shield her. 

“Lemme see her,” Hannah says.

“No,” Andy says. 

“Hannah!” Sid yells. “You can’t be here. You need to go.”

“Why? So you can pretend I don’t exist. Least let me see her. I didn’t even know she was a girl.”

“You didn’t want to know, remember?” Sid snaps. He grabs her arm. “You need to leave.”

“Kay Kay?” Hannah says, softening her voice. “Kay Kay.”

Kaitlyn stirs and pushes back against Andy’s hand. She looks over at Hannah. She starts to cry again. 

“I’m taking her back to bed,” Andy says.

Hannah twists out of Sid’s grasp and sidesteps, blocking Andy from going up the stairs. “Kay Kay,” she says again. She reaches her hand out, but Andy slaps it away.

“Who are you?” Kaitlyn asks, trembling. 

“I’m—”

“ _Don’t_ ,” Andy snarls. “Don’t do it. If you love her at all, you’ll step aside so I can take her back to bed.”

“Why you? Why not Sid? Who are you anyway? You’re nothin’. You ain’t her dad.”

“Dee Dee,” Kaitlyn whines.

“You’re scaring her,” Andy pleads.

Sid tries to grab Hannah again, but she twists away. “I want to see my kids!” she screams. “Let me see my kids!”

Kaitlyn begins to cry in Andy’s ear and then at the top of the stairs, Kai appears.

“Go back to bed!” Andy yells. “Now!”

Hannah turns and sees him. “Kai! Kai, baby! It’s Mommy! It’s so good to see you.”

Kai looks frozen on the spot. Something snaps in Sid; he fists Hannah’s shirt and pulls as hard as he can. She staggers backwards and he wedges his body in between her and Andy. 

“ _Go_ ,” he says to Andy, who doesn’t need to be told twice. He runs up the stairs, Kaitlyn in his arms. He takes hold of Kai’s hand and drags him down the hallway. They go into Kaitlyn’s room and Andy kicks the door shut. He collapses on the floor and holds both kids in his arms.

“Is she gonna take me away?” Kai asks. His eyes are wide and Andy can see the fear there. “Please let me stay here. I don’t wanna go.”

“No, you’re staying right here.”

It’s only moments later when Sid bursts through Kaitlyn’s door. He sees them sitting on the floor and he drops to his knees. He touches each of them, as though making sure they’re real, and says, “Are you okay?”

“Where is she?”

“I threw her out. Kind of forcefully. It’s good you didn’t see it. James said he’d call the cops if she doesn’t drive away soon.”

“Don’t let her take me back,” Kai says, his hands clawing against Sid’s shirt.

“What? No. You’re not going anywhere.”

“She said Andy isn’t Kaity’s dad. That’s not true, is it?”

“Of course not.”

“I don’t wanna go back,” Kai says again.

“Hey,” Sid says, very sternly. “No one is letting you go anywhere. You live with me. I adopted you. That means you’re mine, okay?”

Kai nods, but the fear is still in his eyes. 

“Kaity,” Sid says, “you okay?”

Kaitlyn sniffles but is quiet.

“Where’s she been?” Kai asks, his voice low. “Mommy, I mean.”

“She’s been sick.”

Kai nods as though he understands. “She’s never gonna get better, is she?”

“Maybe one day. Hey, whoa, don’t cry.” Sid pulls Kai into his lap. “It’s okay, it’s okay. I got you. I won’t let you go.”

They end up taking the kids downstairs and tucking them into their bed for the night. They help James and Rachael carry all their new baby stuff to James’ truck once they know Hannah has left. Sid says he plans on calling George in the morning to ask if there’s anything they can do to keep her away until they can prove she’s clean. Rachael hugs them both. When James goes to shake Sid’s hand goodbye, he says, “I had no idea she was that bad. I understand why you took them – the kids, I mean. And I’m sorry.”

The apology feels genuine, like James is finally seeing something previously invisible to him. Sid nods and lets go of his hand. 

“It’s okay,” he says. “No one knows what she’s like until they see her. It’s hard to believe otherwise.”

Once James and Rachael pull away, Andy and Sid go back into their house. Sid locks the front door and goes all the way to the kitchen to double check the back door is also locked. He rubs his hands together and looks uneasy.

“I think we should go in there. I don’t want them waking back up without us there.”

“You know you’re not nothing, right?” Sid asks.

“Huh?”

“What Hannah said.”

“Oh. I, uh, I guess so. I mean, she’s not wrong. Legally, I’m not anything to them. If something happens to you, there’s no guarantee I could keep them. They’re not mine. But thank you for saying it anyway. I know I’m not nothing.”

Sid doesn’t look as though he believes him, but he turns and goes into their bedroom anyway. The kids are both asleep in the middle of the bed, curled into each other. Andy quietly looks through his dresser drawers for a pair of pajama bottoms and then changes and gets under the covers. He feels drained and he holds Kaitlyn to him as he falls asleep.

* * *

Two weeks later, Andy is at the hospital, eating lunch with Piper. He has a salad with extra bleu cheese and she has a cheese sandwich and two bags of chips. She gets up to buy a candy bar and comes back with it already half-eaten.

“One day that’s going to catch up with you,” Andy says.

“I’ll deal with it when it does. Otherwise, I’m happy to eat chocolate. I’ll worry about it if I can’t fit into a wedding dress.”

Andy freezes, his fork halfway to his mouth. “Did Ryan finally ask you?”

Piper narrows her eyes and leans over the table. “I _knew_ you knew! You kept it from me?”

“I didn’t want to ruin the surprise! But you’re not wearing a ring – did you say no? What the hell is wrong with you?”

Piper leans back in her chair. “I didn’t say no. I also didn’t see the ring yet. He started to open the box and I told him no. What if it’s a terrible ring? I want to feel like the moment is perfect.”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“I know.”

“Ryan is an angel dealing with you.”

“I know,” Piper says again.

“So he only asked you the one time?”

Piper grimaced. “No … I told him to keep asking me and I’d say yes when I was ready, but not to show me the ring.”

“The ring is amazing,” Andy says and shoves more salad in his mouth. 

“You’ve _seen it?_ ” she cries.

“Yes.”

She whimpers. “And I’ll like it?”

Andy swallows and gets another forkful of salad. “You’ll love it.” He puts the fork in his mouth and chews slowly. “Actually,” he says, covering his mouth with his hand while it’s full. “I think if you saw the ring, you would have already said yes.”

“I’m not that shallow.”

“No,” Andy says, swallowing, “but it’s perfect for you. It shows how much he knows you. If you saw it, you’d know that.”

“You think he carries it around with him?”

Andy shrugs. “Maybe. I guess you can find out.”

Piper stands. “Shit, I gotta go.” She starts to walk away, but Andy’s phone rings. He sees Sid’s name across the screen and holds up a finger to Piper while he answers.

“Hey, can you hold on one sec—” Andy begins.

“No,” says Sid.

“What’s wrong?” Andy lowers his finger. Piper stays standing in front of him “Are you okay?”

“I only have maybe ten minutes,” he says, “but we have to talk.”

Piper looks intrigued, but Andy immediately feels worried. “What’s wrong?” he asks again. “Is Kaitlyn—”

“With your mom.”

“Isn’t my mom at work?”

“Focus, Andy,” Sid says. “Hannah just called me. I wasn’t going to answer because I didn’t recognize the number, but something told me to. She’s in jail.”

“…I’m going to put you on speaker. I’m with Piper.” Andy pulls the phone from his ear and places it on the table. Piper sits back down and they both lean in close. “Hannah’s _where_?”

“Jail,” Sid’s voice comes out of the speaker.

Piper nearly chokes on her coke. “Did you say she’s in _jail_? What’d she do?”

“She and some guy got caught robbing a pawn shop sometime last week. She said they’ve got her on several charges – armed robbery is the main one, but she said they’re linking them to some other robberies over the last couple months.”

“Are you shitting me?” Piper says. 

“I know you’re at work, but I’m going to see her lawyer now. It’s one of those free ones.”

“Court appointed,” Piper offers.

“Are you wanting to help her avoid jail?” Andy asks.

Sid scoffs. “No way. She’s charged with armed robbery. I’m hoping she gets a good deal that includes rehab somehow so she can get clean. Her lawyer agreed to meet with both of us.”

“You think they’ll cut her a deal?”

“That’s what she said. She’s going to plead guilty, but she doesn’t understand what she’s agreeing to, I guess. I want her to get help. She started stealing because I stopped paying her rent.”

“Don’t do that,” Andy snaps. “Don’t you dare take on that guilt. She didn’t want to get the correct help. She wanted bail outs.”

Piper reaches across the table and takes Andy’s hand and squeezes. He welcomes the touch. 

“Look, I have to go. I’ll let you know when I’m leaving. I don’t think I’m allowed to take a cell phone in when I see her, so it may be a while before I can call you back.”

“That’s okay. I’ll keep my phone on me.”

“All right, soon. Bye.”

Sid ends the call and Andy looks at his now-blank phone screen. 

“Holy shit,” Piper says. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know what I am,” answers Andy honestly. He shoves his phone in his pocket and gathers up the trash from their lunches. “I need to get back on shift. Go find Ryan.”

Piper frowns.

“I’m fine. I need some time to think about this.” Andy stands, but doesn’t walks away. “I had kind of always hoped she’d be out of the picture officially. But I was thinking she’d move or stop coming around. Selfishly, I wanted the kids to want me, not their mom. Which I know is really fucked up, but they’re my kids, you know? Sid and I are the ones raising them. I know they don’t belong to me, I know that. Not legally. But I don’t wish for this to be how she leaves us alone.”

“Oh, Andy,” Piper whispers. “They _do_ belong to you, in all the ways that matter. Maybe not by blood, but you’re their family. Kaitlyn especially doesn’t know anyone other than you and Sid. It’s not selfish to want them. You’re the best person I know and if she was clean and stable, you’d feel differently. You wouldn’t want her gone. You only say that because when she’s around it’s chaotic and toxic.”

“Maybe.”

“You don’t need your own guilt. Sid has enough of it, I’m sure. He’s going to need you to bring him out of it, okay?”

Andy nods. “Yeah.”

Piper takes the trash from him. “I got this. You want to come eavesdrop while I corner Ryan and demand to see the ring he got me?”

Andy smirks but shakes his head. “I appreciate the offer, but I need to go be with my patients again.”

Piper walks with him towards the exit. She throws their trash away and gives him a hug before parting ways and going towards the elevators.

* * *

Hannah ends up pleading guilty and everything is wrapped up quicker than Andy suspected. She’s not in the county jail for too long before she’s transported to a state facility three hours away. Sid seems to think she’s different. Humbled, maybe. Her anger towards at not having her kids has dissipated and she’s resolved to having lost them. Sid tells her he’ll come visit her every other month so long as she stays clean.

“She said she knows you’re good for them,” Sid tells Andy over the phone. He’s driving back from the prison after one of his visitations. He showed her pictures on his phone of Kaitlyn’s third birthday, of Kai’s eighth. Pictures of Andy at Kai’s soccer games, taking Kaitlyn to Build-a-Bear. Of all of them riding the Ferris wheel at the county fair. Of Andy’s mom taking them swimming at the indoor pool at her gym in the middle of winter. Bike rides and picnics and playing music for Kaitlyn’s class. A video of Kai’s winning goal, of Kaitlyn singing to her stuffed animals, of Andy and Sid telling them they’re going to Disney World for Christmas.

“She knows they’re better off with us,” Sid says. “I know she finally sees that now.”

“Uh huh.”

“Don’t hate her. She’s ill.”

“I don’t hate her,” Andy says. “She’s the reason I’m a dad now. I always wanted to be one.”

“I know. What’re you doing? I hear a lot of banging.”

“Banging? No. Well. I’m making Rice Krispy treats for Kai’s class and I didn’t realize how sticky everything was going to be. I can’t get all the marshmallow off the spoon.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Sid says fondly.

“Uh huh. Listen, I’m about to order pizza. We’ll save you some. Get home fast, okay?”

“You got it.”

“I love you, bye.”

“You too, bye.”

Andy ends the call and looks around the kitchen. There’s proof of their lives together here. Backpacks and books strewn across the table. Sneakers of varying sizes by the back door. He thinks of Hannah, sitting in jail, going to group therapy, working in laundry, waiting for Sid to come see her every eight weeks to show her pictures of the children she birthed but doesn’t know. The children who think of Sid and Andy as their parents. He thinks of how she feels guilt over her illness, her crimes, and he wonders if the children will want to know her when they get older, want to visit her. Will they care? He thinks how she’ll never get to sit around a table with them and eat extra cheesy pizza or say made-up prayers at night. She’ll never hear what makes them happy or sad during their day. See the looks on their faces when they meet Mickey Mouse. Watch them grow, get older. Their first relationships, first heartbreak. First time driving, first school dance. It’ll be there for Sid and Andy, more memories they can take pictures of, freezing those moments for Hannah to see weeks later. The kids’ lives over the next two decades.

When the pizza is delivered, Andy calls the kids downstairs. They argue over who gets the biggest slice, not caring that they’re all the same size, and Kaitlyn accidentally knocks over her glass of chocolate milk. Andy snaps a picture of it with his phone as Kai jumps up to help Kaitlyn clean up the spill and then hugs her when she starts to cry. 

Even these moments Andy loves because they’re beautiful.

* * *

**Monday Afternoon**

Sid spent the morning writing the letter he promised to Andy yesterday in the car ride back home. All his vows and things he’s always wanted to say aloud but was never able to. He knows his handwriting is bad and he’s sure there’s at least four illegible words, but everything is put to paper, so he folded it up and puts it into an envelope and licked it so it would seal.

They just finished their vows, the ones the judge made them say, and it’s done. They’re married and it feels heavy and real. 

Andy’s mom hugs him, Piper cries, and the kids beam up at them both. They’re the last ones the judge marries that day so they don’t immediately leave the room. Sid needs a moment with Andy, alone. The enormity of what they did is pressing against him. Andy must sense something, because he asks his mom if she can take the kids outside for a second. 

He takes Sid’s hand and they sit on the very last bench in the back of the courtroom. The judge has said goodbye and the bailiff is standing outside the doors. It’s the two of them alone.

Sid cups Andy’s face in his hands. He rubs his cheek bones with his thumb and then slides his hands to the back of Andy’s neck. He leans forward, their foreheads touching. He breathes in Andy’s breath.

“Are you okay?” Andy asks.

Sid nods. Then he kisses him. Soft but deep. Andy is the first to pull away.

“It’s hitting me,” Sid says, “what this means. I remember Piper once said she didn’t want to get married because she wanted to be able to easily untangle herself with someone. This is permanent. No untangling.”

“I know. Thank you,” Andy says.

“For what?”

“This. Marrying me.”

Sid rolls his eyes. “You don’t have to thank me.” 

“We need to get rings now. You’ll wear one, won’t you?”

“And make all the preschool moms sad that I’m legally taken? Absolutely.”

Andy grins. 

Sid pulls his letter out of his back pocket. It’s a little crumpled around the edges, but he hands it over to Andy. “This is for you. The vows I’d told you I’d write. I didn’t have a lot of time this morning, so they’re kind of crude, but it’s there – no! Don’t open it! You promised you wouldn’t read it in front of me.”

Andy makes a face. “Oh come on. Let me read it.”

He looks so eager, Sid agrees. He watches Andy pull the paper out of the envelope and unfold it. His eyes dance across the page as he scrolls down reading all of Sid’s words. The tears pool in his eyes and Sid has to close his so he won’t see Andy cry. There’s no guarantees that Sid can hold it together if Andy starts to cry. Then Andy’s lips are on his and he knows he’s finished reading. 

“This leaves me breathless,” Andy whispers against his mouth. “This is the most amazing thing you could’ve given me.”

Sid doesn’t know what to say so he shrugs and nods and lets Andy kiss him again.

“Let’s get the kids and go home.”

“You know your mom is going to want to take us out to celebrate,” Sid says. 

“Then let’s get everyone and go out. I’m ready.”

“Ready for, what, dinner?”

Andy shakes his head. “Ready for all of it. Ready for the rest of our lives. This feels like a beginning and an end. We’re married – I never thought we’d get here. Our _kids_ are outside waiting for us. Life isn’t going to change, but it still feels like the start of something new. You know?”

Sid does know. He knows exactly how Andy feels. He’s known Andy his whole life and now he’s married to his spelling-bee-winning next door neighbor. He stands first, offering his hand, and they walk out the courtroom doors, Andy’s arm linked through Sid’s.

* * *

**End.**


End file.
